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male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear CupidSex for me is always over in seconds and it always has been. Even when I masturbate it doesn't even last a minute, but this is not the case when a girl does it. There are 2 things I know would help alleviate this problem but I'am unsure whether or not it is actually doing my body any good.I would like to know:a) Is it OK to masturbate before sex and then have sex straight after.andB) If I feel I'am going to climax I tense my penis and it stops the climax but I'am unsure if this doing my body any good.My other problem is that in a new relationship I feel I have to let the girl know that sex won't last very long and just feel that she should be warned. Should I be doing this or just get on with it and after a minute she'll find out anyway!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): do not masturbate before hand because the first time you ejaculte always takes longer and a lot more cum comes out so just have sex first and then if your still feeling a bit horney then masturbate it would work just fine
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): Just another hint, try wearing a cock ring. I work in an adult shop and we sell these to men of all ages for exactly your situation! They help to maintain an erection and hold off on ejacultion/orgasm but they can also make your orgasm more intense! They sit around the base of the penis or a larger ring can go 'full tackle'(under the balls too) You can get standard rubber cock rings or vibrating cock rings that are great to use with a partner as you get the advantage of holding off and she will get great clitoral stimulation. Fun times all round!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): Ok, I had the same problem. Here is howi get around it. She goes down on me first, or we have anal. after i get there (which dosent take long) i eat her. after she gets there, i am hard again and can go for about 90 minutes.
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A
female
reader, barbd00 +, writes (14 November 2005):
First of all none of what you said is bad for your body!
Second of all, holding the climax back is what you need to work on. It isn't hurting you, it can help you sustain. As a matter of fact, if you are having the feelings, and just not releasing you are having what is the male version of a multiple orgasm.
As far as masturbating prior to, if you think it will help you last longer and your partner doesn't mind, Hey whatever works!
I do think you should have a talk prior to having sex with a new person so they know what is going on. That is the "adult" thing to do. And as a woman, I would appreciate it. Then you can make sure she is satisfied also either before or after, if not during.
Practice the holding back, it will help.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): Seriously.... you should try taking care of yourself beforehand. That's a short-term solution.... I know a lot of guys that have to do that.
"tensing up" isn't going to hurt anything. In fact, it's pretty common.
There's some stuff you can do... next time you're masturbating, bring yourself right to the point of climax and then push down like you're trying to piss. Keep yourself from coming and keep doing this... you'll eventually condition yourself a bit more.
Good luck dude.
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A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (13 November 2005):
 You don't say how old you are. If you are very young then you know I am going to say that you seem to be having or planning to have frequent sexual experiences which will put you at risk of not developing a genuine close relationship other than just having sex. Apart from that, from a physical point of view, A: it is perfectly OK to masturbate beforehand to stave off the urgency for it to be over so quickly. B: You will do not harm doing whatever it takes to stop the climax and firmly gripping the end was one of the techniques in Master's and Johnson aids in helping this problem. As for sex in a new relationship, for goodness sake get to know the girl first. The focus should be on developing a friendship and longer term things in common than just a quick bang!
If you do develop a relationship that is a lasting one, then she will want to be close to you as a person and you may find that you can enjoy foreplay and caressing for a period of time which means you can stimulate her and prolong your need to be touched sexually. When you get an erection, it doesn't mean you have to act on it immediately, just don't focus on making yourself come, focus on other areas she can touch you that you find pleasurable until she is aroused the same as you. As a woman, it can be quite erotic just feeling how much a man is waiting for you.
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A
female
reader, averageblonde +, writes (13 November 2005):
Hi. In response to A: My male friend who is a urologist says that it is perfectly find to asturbate before sex. This may even help you last longer. In response to B: You should not tense up too often. This can cause some strain on the penis and may lead to some urinary problems.
Finally, don't worry about it! I'm sure that your problem is not as bad as you think. You probably just really want to please your woman (which is not bad) but you also need to focus on your sexual needs as well. You can tell the girl that you are with if you want to; sex IS all about communication. Yet, don't feel pressured to tell her to. Try not to think about this too much and perhaps it will pass.
I used to have a problem in which it would take me about 5 seconds to climax. Yet, when I stopped thinking about it and just enjoyed sex for what it was, my problem went away. Perhaps also you could think of positions that would help prevent climax? Maybe you could switch from penis-vaginal contact to kissing, or maybe from oral to some pleausring of her. Just don't be afraid to experiment and I am sure that you will overcome your problem. But of course, you should also talk to your doctor about this if it really becomes bothersome.
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