A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So is something wrong with me that I can't seem to come from getting head? I've only ever gotten it from my girlfriend (she's my first) and I never come from it, I got close once but generally it doesn't feel as good as sex. Is this normal? I mean it kind of feels good but honestly seeing able to thrust feels so much better...
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 April 2014):
 If it's not GREAT for you, but nice, then why not use is as warm-up/foreplay? Instead of making it the entire sexual act?
Maybe you need to spice it up with a 69 instead of just receiving?
I don't enjoy oral sex performed on me, it's just extremely boring. If we "spice" it up it becomes more enjoyable. Because I'm not just being "passive".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): Yeah it's perfectly normal. I get that sometimes when my head's not in the game, getting a blow job takes a lot of focus not to have the mind wander. Sex is different because you're part of the process and doing something.
Then there's also the point that most women are shit at it. They focus too much on the shaft thinking that feels nice for us, treat it like an ice cream or have a crappy motion that's too stop/start.
Worst is when they don't actually enjoy giving them or can't take directions.
My wife is great, efficient, knows what I like and loves giving them. I've been with plenty who just didn't do it well at all and nothing fixed that.
For you it's probably just the focus and how long she takes to do it.
My wife focuses all on the glans, fast motion with a strong suction and plenty of tongue work, it's not very "sensual" but it's very quick and efficient. Maybe it's just a matter of teaching your girlfriend how it works for you or maybe you can try to focus better when you're not in control.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (27 April 2014):
I agree totally. But think of this. I am sure you enjoy giving your girlfriend orgasms with fingers, tongue, etc (at least I hope you do), well it's the same for her. Some women just don't like it, but if your girlfriend wants to do this then you should be polite enough to show her you like it. Otherwise you risk her feeling inadequate, that she's doing something wrong, or even that you don't love her. I had the same issue but my wife made it clear she likes me coming in her mouth and that thought alone is enough to make it happen.Most of all talk with your girlfriend, it's ridiculous to think that she is there wondering what she's doing wrong and you are there just thinking how much you would rather be in her vagina! It's meant to be fun for both of you so whatever you do, talk, and both enjoy! Good luck .
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (27 April 2014):
 Hi,I think it comes down to personal preference a lot of the time, some men can only get off from penetration and others have to help themselves get off.I don't think it means anything bad, most of the time climaxing is a result of a number of factors, the friction, the mindset and the surroundings.For instance, a person I counsel on a weekly basis can only achieve orgasm with his partner if a porn movie is playing in the background. For him, it just adds that extra little push his brain needs.The best advice I can give is not to worry about it, orgasms will come in their own time and you shouldn't gauge how much you enjoy it on that one thing.Good luck and just enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 April 2014):
 I suspect that this is being affected by more than one issue.
For instance :
1. The sex that you associate with the most pleasurable time with your first partner. This is like "patterning" with ducks. So what was the mind-blowing First time things you did will always bring back heightened feelings. And what seems especially exciting may relate back to what felt amazingly exciting the first time you tried it.
If the partner was very inexperienced with giving head the first time or first few times you received it then you may associate this with bumbling efforts from the past. Or even pain if the partner was not considerate enough about how it was feeling for you.
2. A control issue. Perhaps you feel that Head/Fellatio is too passive for you. Maybe you like the feeling of control when you are determining the intensity and strength in the thrust. Whereas the one giving you head is determining how fast, how slow and the how. If the person performing fellatio is really good then you will experience heightened desire depending on the technique of the one giving you head.
Perhaps to share the love making control issues around during a relationship. Mix it up a little, where you could instigate more sessions where your partner can tell you exactly what your partner wants, but so too could you start giving a lot more verbal feedback while you are on the receiving end and so feel that you are more part of the process rather than a passive recipient.
We all have things we like more or less than another thing. We are all entitled to these preferences.
You are still normal, no matter how you react to this situation. Thank goodness were are not all carbon copies of each other in the way we look and feel. Especially about sexual preferences.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 April 2014):
It's called personal preference. BJ's are a nice treat, but I've been with a number of women only came a few times.
I also have never been with anyone that was truly amazing at it either.
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