A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:heres a question to all the agony aunts and uncles.... both sexes are welcome to give their opinion over this touchy mattter.... my bf and i fought today because basically i feel i dont want my daughter to be taught sex in a co-ed class, and he got angry cause he feels why not... anyways i told him im 34 yrs old, and i always felt rather ashamed and embarrassed in coed sex ed because i was around other boys and did not feel comfortable about my periods and other related subjects, including child birth etc being discussed. i also told him over the yrs i have talked with many many women on this subject and most had said they also felt rather weird being round the opposite sex and wished theyd been in in a same sex class for sex ed. anyways it led further that he said oh, so u got all these things from other wopmen like it s beeen the major concern all ur life, etc etc, so he concluded by saying he knows women better then me, as he has slept with hundreds of women had hundreds of relationships over the yrs,has hung out with women all his life while i have only a few gfs and i almost never hang out with women and almost all my friends are men, and i have only slept with 5 other guys before him, which is true by the way... but i argued all that does not mean he knows women beter then me, i AM a women, (DUH)!! and i still have feminine instincts etc, so therefore that means i know women better then him, because i am a female and know my sex` emotions etc, albeit that does not mean 100% all women, but in general.... its kind of like me saying i know men better then him, because almost all my friends are men and i have hung out with men almost all my life etc...then he said i possibly CANNOT as i have not slept with alot of men, only 5 guys and i did not have enough social integrationj from the age of 13 to 25 yrs of age, i was away from the social networks of society etc. (another story for another day!!) but anyways who is right in this argu7ment here, me or him....for my side of the argument, i am in the end a woman and so i w know more about womens emotions etc then he does... his side of the argument is hes had many many sexual encounters with women before, and relationships, hes huing out with women his whole life etc and so that makes him know women better then me... for ur info too, i should add i grew up in a family 0f 7 siblings , i am the second oldest and all minus one are females, one younger brother and the bf has an older brother and a younger sister.....so let me know ur opinions, let the truth unfold and if hes right, tell me and if im right, do say as im sickened by this argument and want the to hear once and all for all, who the hell is right on this one...
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Your gonna stop your kid taking a very important class..... That's a very bad idea. First, she'll be separated from the rest of her friends, she will miss the jokes that always happen in sex education class. She'll feel like she's missed out. Second, I hope your a sex education expert, and are updated in the subject. You will obviously have to teach her everything at home, because she will miss it at school.
I'm a woman and I spend time with men. I think your partner is right to get angry and want the kid to go to her lessons. Sex is embarrassing when you are young. It's embarrassing for boys and it's embarrassing for girls. That is good. It shows girls that boys can be shy, ignorant and lack self confidence. I didn't need formal sex education, I had it at home and learnt a lot from books. I did need to know how boys felt about sex. That gave me confidence to trust that not all boys just wanted sex, but actually liked girls, wanted to be their friends and were willing to wait.
If I was you, I would send my girl to sex education classes, and also tell her everything I know at home. It's a bad idea to live your life through your child. Because you had a bad experience, you want to deny her the opportunity of learning and growing through the challenges she meets in life.
If you protect her from everything you think is bad, you'll spoil her development in many ways, you'll isolate her from her peers and she may resent you in the end. No one likes to be the kid with parents who are too delicate and sensitive to send them to the necessary lessons.
The argument is stupid, you both sound like two five year old's fighting.... I'm only interested in what is best for your kid. Send her to class, and teach her at home. Win-Win.
A
female
reader, 40yearsyoung  +, writes (10 February 2011):
I think sex ed is helpful for girls. Unlike boys, girls have lots to deal with relating to sex, child birth, periods, pregnancy etc. ahead of them.
For your case, let's have a private mother-daughter talk which you two can contribute to a decision whether she will take the class.
From your elaborated question, this simple situation has sprung into a very embarrassing scenario between you and your boyfriend. It doesn't have to be if you realize once and for all that this is your daughter's maturity you are talking about, not an opinion forum that you can go off course from, so stop the arguments between you and your bf about men and women and who knows who best etc.!! Save those for another event.!
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (10 February 2011):
 1. Your boyfriend should have no influence in how you are raising your daughter.2. you are dating a total douche! Hope you can see it. His argument is offensive. Who needs to hear that their bf has slept with hundreds of women. I'd be kicking him out the door. This argument is very telling - he creates problems over nothing, two he becomes irrational and lacks sensitivity when he is upset, three - he just lacks class. Hope you can see it.3. It is your decision whether you think sex ed in a co-ed environment is a positive thing or not. I agree with you, I would have preferred the information was presented to each gender alone. Either way, whatever your opinion, your BF is out of line in how he talks to you. If this is a pattern I'd seriously be considering having a man like him around my daughter, witnessing these types of arguments. Some of the best relationship/sex lessons we learn are in our youth from our moms. Hope she's learning what a strong woman acts like and what she will not tolerate from a man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Why don't YOU become the person to teach her, why does it have to be the SCHOOL! Take control of the situation and work with her... just don't introduce shame and fear into the equation and don't scare her to the point where she thinks sex is dirty. Too many mothers screw up too many young girls, due to their fear that their daughter will become a sexual being and get knocked up. Odds are high you've raised her right- educate her, give her confidence and keep your husband out of it. He sound's like a twit...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): It sounds like you're having 2 different fights here.Fight 1 is about who knows women better. I can't see how sleeping with women means he knows about their opinions and beliefs better than you know men's after having friendships with many of them. This all has nothing to do with fight 2 because fight 2 is about YOU specifically, not all women. Everyone chooses to bring up their children differently, based on who they are. Fight 2 is about your daughter's sex ed. Now I assume she's not actually his daughter too? Though if he's your long term partner, it's important that he feels he has an input and that his ideas are taken on board as part of the family.. At the same time, she's your daughter, so it's up to you in the end. How old is she, is she old enough to start making her own decisions? If I were you, I would firstly sit down with your boyfriend and say you want to see what your daughter wants to do, and that it might be more comfortable for her if you have a little mother-daughter private chat about it. Then talk to your daughter - tell her how you found it weird to be in sex ed class with boys and explain what it was like. Ask her what she thinks and what she'd like to do. Personally I had coed sex ed and found it completely fine. All women are different and your daughter might feel like you about it or she might feel like me.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Is an all-girl sex ed class an option? If so, then talk to your daughter and see if that's what she'd prefer. I have no doubt that she would be more comfortable and get more out of it without a bunch of boys sniggering over periods (of course they stop sniggering very quickly when wet dreams are discussed). But it is very important that she get accurate and comprehensive information -- if an all-girl class isn't an option, and you intend to withhold consent for her to attend the class as a result, then at a minium you should get a copy of the sex-ed curriculuum and go over it with her yourself.
As for your boyfriend's argument, that's one of the dumbest things I've heard in a while. He's behaving like a complete ass.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Am sorry but your husband sounds very immature, in fact the argument itself is very immature. My opinion is just because he has slept with lots of woman does not give him the right to think he knows how every woman in the universe thinks. In fact he shouldnt even be bragging about this.
However if i can just go back to the main subject. I understand your concerns about sex ed being embarressing for your daughter, however there are so many teen pregnancies in the world today and also young ones not getting taught about all of the facts of life. I dont think that it would be fair to exclude your daughter from this. Yes it may be embarresing for her, but we all need to do it and we all need to learn and the best way to learn this stuff is at school.
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