A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I am 34 years old, and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He has been divorced for 3 years, and his ex wife lives 7 hours away and is remarried. I have two boys (10) and (12)that live with me, as their father passed away 4 years ago. My boyfriend has visitation rights every other weekend with his two girls,(4) and (7) and he isn't allowed to bring them where he lives. Not by law, but by what she says, or he can't see them. I know this isn't right, but after paying his child support, and his bills, he has no left over funds for an attorney to fight her. She doesn't like the girls around me, not sure why, because they seemed to really enjoy the time they have spent with me and my kids. Any way to get to my concern, I just found out we are pregnant and we don't know what we can do about getting her to let us be a family. Every other weekend he drives 9 hours to pick them up and go to his mothers, and he feels it wouldn't be right to leave me here with three kids all by myself. So what do I tell him, this should be a happy time, and all it seems to be is coming up with ideas that will lead to resentment. Plus he is scared that his girls will hate him, because his ex will not have any problem telling them that their daddy doesn't care about them. She already does that. I'm so happy and sad at the same time!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Since he's paying child support and visitation has been established, this has gone through a judge. No court would give weekend visitation and not allow the children to be at his place of residence unless he did something so horrible he needed to be supervised around his children! I don't think you would have kids with a man like that. Anyway, he doesn't need a lawyer if he has unsupervised visitation in the USA and she'd be breaking a court order if she prevented him from taking the kids back to his home. She can't prevent him from taking his kids home for the weekend unless he's a sexual predator or convicted abuser or she'd get arrested. Something is fishy about this arrangement. I'd ask to see the custody order.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 First of all the two of you cannot let his ex wife dictate whether you are going to be a family or not. Perhaps if he marries you it will wake her up and make her realize you are part of the family and legally entitled to be present when the kids come or to even go with him for that matter. It's time to quit living your life by her rules. His girls are smart enough to know he loves them, regardless of what their evil Mom tells them.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 It sounds to me like his ex wife may be a little bit jelous of his new life with you and she is making it difficult for him, she may also be a little scared that you might get to close to her children and they might start to look at you as a mother figure. Even though she may feel like this it is totally wrong in what she is doing. It is adding unneeded stress on to your life which really is just not fair.
Maybe if you had a woman to woman chat with her it might clear the air a bit. Maybe next time your husband travels up you could go with him and try to get his ex wife on her own while he is with the girls and talk to her. Open up to her about how worried and stressed you are about this other baby coming along. Also tell her it would be good for her children to get to know there half sibilings and that no matter what she will always be there mother and you would never try and act as a mother figure just as a caring adult.
If she doesnt budge then am afraid I have no other advice. Maybe research in to legal aid and see if your husband can get some free legal advice. This would be the only other option. goodluck and all the best i hope you have a happy future.
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