A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sex with my man of 2yrs has never felt good to me, so mostly I just give him oral sex. When we talk about intercourse or actually doing it he discourages me because he can't understand why would I want it or why I don't feel anything. Even if I'm sort of shaking he doesn't believe anything because I never feel anything. I understand it messes with his ego and I try to make myself work but its hard. I can't find a way to make him understand. There are times I feel a slight something but I never say a thing because by time he says those things its gone. I like giving him oral but because its the only thing i ever said i liked he thinks that all i could possibly want. I'm trying to get through to him, any advice. P.S. He is the first person I trust enough to be intimate with which is why I'm still with him. I am disturbed about receiving oral and fingering I never liked it. I know he likes to do it and I think that it messes with his ego as well.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I think you need to get to the bottom of WHY you don't like sex. As in, I think you need to see a counselor or therapist.
Have something bad (sexually) happened in your past?
Also, doing stuff you don't like or enjoy is not always healthy, nor is it helping his "ego".
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 So let me get this straight, you dont like sex, and you dont like him giving you oral or fingering you either? So all you do is give him oral?
Your boyfriend should not have to understand, this must be awful for him! Yes he gets oral, and I'm sure some men would be loving that, but after all while, to not be able to pleasure your girlfriend sexually will seriously affect him. You cannot have a relationship without sex, that means you are missing a big part of intimacy and in the long run it is not feasible to continue like this.
He will never be able to understand this, and there is nothing you can do to make him understand. In fact, 99% of men you meet would never be able to understand something like this, the fact that their girlfriend does not like sex and as a man, you cant pleasure your girlfriend....that would really hurt.
I dont know what your problems with sex are, and where they have come from, but you need to get therapy for this to get any better. Any relationship you have in the future, whether it is with this guy or a new man, this problem will recur time and time again. So you need to deal with these problems and get it sorted. The fact you say you are 'disturbed' by receiving oral and fingering is a clear sign you have some deep rooted issues with sex, it is not healthy to carry on like this so please seek help from a doctor or a therapist. There are specialist sex therapist who are well qualified to deal with issues like yours, it really will make a huge difference to your life if you do get help.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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