A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a 20 y.o girlfriend and i am 25 y.o we have been together now for 7mths we both are very much in love and talk seriously about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together, do you think it is right for me to pop the question yet is she to young is that fair on her part. I have bought a ring i love her to bits but i want to do it right. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 Because you ask this question, I think you are not really ready yet. You are only together for 7 months. There is no rush. Use the time to get to know each other to see wheter or not this is real love and not only fallen in love very badly. Do you know the differences of real love and falling in lover? I will explain it to you:I try to explain you what I learnt about different aspects of love:- Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really control it yourself. It is like being on drugs. The hormones in your body tell you what to do and are reigning your feelings. It's a chemical reaction or emotional response. This is fun and can create amazing feelings! You can compare it with being drunk. The alcohol in your body makes you happy and you can forget your problems. So when you fall in love you are infatuated in that person. Your can forget all around you and your feelings and cogitations are with this person. You are just happy and don't see any problems.- Real, deep, solid love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't always feel anything. But the cheerful feelings will come back again. This is not always the case with the feelings of falling in love. This feelings you will only have a few month or maybe a year or two. The disappear and they will not come back in the same form.To make the decision to love someone really and deeply, you must know this person personally. This takes some time and can not happen in a few weeks or month. (Thats why I think its not a good idea to get married too soon!). But it is not enough to know the other person, you also must know yourself very well to see if the other person could be in line with you. For this one needs to be obtain a certain age and maturity. Nobody is perfect so one also needs to know the one's and the others quirks and to accept them. If you truly love someone then you respect this person for who he or she is. You love the person itselfe and not the great dream of it. And you don't want to change the person, but accept every bit of it. You don't have to agree with everything, but you can life with it. Misunderstandings are allowed and you may have some arguments, and even then you love the other person wholly. You can talk about everything and share your innermost thoughts and worries and there is a mutual understanding (or at least you try to understand the reverse side and accept it). Everyone can really trust the other one. Noone needs to wear a mask. Both parts can be their selfes and don't need to dissimulate.- If you decide to love the other person, you put this person on the first place in your life. This definition of real, deep, solid love I've learnt form the Christendom and it doesn't agree with the modern view of love. Today to love an other person means that oneself wants to rejoice. You expect him or her to be accountable for you for everything. The other person has to do everything to make you happy and fill every hole and gap in you. But nobody is able to do this and nobody is perfect and we can not expect them to be! But if we do and if this is our definition of love, no wonder, there are so many divorces. 2000 years ago they already knew that this concept of love doesn't work, why should it today??? So I ask you: are you sure this is realy deep love? Or do you need some time to deepen your love? If you do - and that would be just very normal - it your be a good idea to wait for a few month. After that time, you both will know each other better and can enjoy it much more as you know a little better that it will least for longer!Good luck!
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 If you are both in love then even if you pop the question now, there is no rush to get married tomorrow. You can be happily engaged for a time, making sure that you are right for each other. Many people do it.
Dont make the engagement too long like 9 years or something, but a couple of years wont hurt you!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): don't listen to them!! do what you think is right! follow your heart (sounds stupid but its true!) if your truly in love and feel your ready go for it!!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 I personally think that 20 is too young to get married but she may be ready. But what is the rush? Why can't you just sit back and enjoy yourself for awhile yet. Your relationship will only be stronger for it.
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A
female
reader, crystlay +, writes (11 June 2007):
I think there is no rush, your both still young and have loads of time left to settle down, but by the information you gave you seem to be ready to settle down so I think if you really want to do it then go for it, because at the end of the day you can get marry in a few years time. like i said thats no rush.
gd luck and i hope i've helped
xxx
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