A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend's parents are painfully overbearing and it's caused serious stress with me, her, and this relationship.I've been going out with this girl for 7 months now, I'm 19, she's 18. For the entirety of the relationship it's been one roadblock after another involving her parents.For more than half of the relationship she kept me secret from her parents. They're overbearing and are constantly making her do all of the housework while she works a full time job and also goes to college full time. They take her everywhere they go because for some reason they don't trust that she can be alone in the house at all. Based on what she told me about her parents I did not blame her at all for keeping me a secret, because in the end, I felt it wasn't too big a deal.When she finally told her parents in December, I thought everything would be at least a little bit better but I was way wrong. Since December, I've been able to see her outside of classes a total of three times. And consistently between those three times, her parents were very strict with the amount of time we're allowed to be with her, which barely enough time to actually do anything since it takes 45 minutes for me to drive to her house to pick her up. Now, Every time we make any kind of plans, her parents cancel on us for some reason right before I'm supposed to pick her up. I've gotten fed up to the point that I just stopped getting excited and hopeful to see her because I fully expect her parents to cancel those plans.Recently last Sunday I visited her family at their house so I could talk to her dad about what's been going on and he went straight into his plans about making me part of the family, what beliefs to raise children by, and most importantly to him, that he wants us to approach the relationship in a "Traditional" manner with him having the final say in everything we do. And she's completely okay with all of it.And there's a host of reasons I am not okay with that.First off is that it means I'm still not going to get time with her.Second is that he's already talking about marriage and making me a part of the family 7 months into the relationship. Third and most importantly, it means her dad is going to have a bigger say in the relationship than either of us. Again, I am not okay with that on so many levels.I am extremely conflicted because as horrible as it sounds, I just cannot deal with any of what her dad told me. I'm not ready for commitment at age 19 in a 7 month old relationship and I don't agree with a lot of the "traditional" values her dad holds close. Yes, I realize I'm dating her and not her dad, but her dad seems to have a different perspective. I love her dearly but I don't think I can deal with what her dad expects of me, so I'm left here extremely conflicted because I feel I need to end this relationship, but I definitely don't want to because again, I love her. She loves me, and it'd be unfair if I broke her heart because of her dad. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2016):
 BTW, Im not patient. So if I were you, I'd have ended up in a fight with her dad a long time ago and made her choose either me or her dads crazy routine, and most probably that would have landed me single, and happily so.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 March 2016):
If you want my honest opinion, I will give it to you. She is 18, which in my eyes at least, makes her an adult. Now, I understand that in USA, at 18 you are still considered a child (still in school, still living with parents and needing parents to support her financially).
As long as she's under their care, and as long as she's a child and not an adult, it's "their house, their rules".
But, my honest opinion is that Americans are babying their children. She is 18, has the right to vote, legally an adult, and so SHE decides what she does. If she works full time, why isn't she moving out of her parents home? That would give her the freedom to date you and do whatever she wants.
Since she's NOT claiming her own right to liberty, you need to assume that her dad interfering with your dating is HER CHOICE. She lets him! She agrees with his decisions, as you said yourself. This is what she wants, and while you can't cope with it, she wants to have it this way!
So what do you do? Accept that if you want to date her, this is the only way. If it's too much, you end the relationship. Don't pity her, because she's part of the problem when she's not disagreeing with her dad. Or you can be patent and treat the relationship right now as a state of emergency where crazy rules are allowed for a moment in time. Only until she's moved out. Or, give it a time frame of a year, and if things aren't different by then, you end it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 March 2016):
 When you wrote: "....with him having the final say in everything we do. And she's completely okay with all of it." ...you told us all we need to know about your "problem".
IF "...she's completely okay with all of it." really DOES apply..... THEN you must decided if her parents are going to run your's and her's relationship until they die....
That's all there is to it!!!!
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (10 March 2016):
 Your in a real pickle...I get it that you can't break up with her because of her dad, but its a 7 month relationship its to early for her to go against her dad for the sake of love. If you really love her give it a shot first... drink the kool-aid, do you really want to spend that part of your life with another girl or worse alone. If you love her at least give it a chance. She's her dad and we all get it why he has to be like that we should respect it. And who knows if you could be part of her family maybe both of you could become closer than ever before.Dont let their plans about marriage or children scare you off. You're not getting married yet but you still have her, enjoy it. If you want to break up with her because its hard and want to find a girl with an "easier" life then your giving up on your love for her very easily.I dont believe that theres an instant turn off in a relationship. If you find something that you dont like or makes life hard... Buck up! your doing it all for her and thats all that matters.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 You are in a very sticky situation, the thing is your girlfriend wants to obey her parents therefore she agrees to these rules, which is sad because she is stuck between you and her over powering dad.
Off course you have your own beliefs and you should follow them. You are both two young to be talking about children and marriage. You should be out enjoying yourselves and hanging out doing fun things together. It is sad that her dad is standing in the way off his daughters happiness.
There is no real advice I can give you here about how to make him change his mind, because my guess is he is set in his ways and he is not going to change anytime soon. This is the way he has been brought up and this is what he wants for his daughter.
The only thing is she is an adult at 18 and legally she can move in to her own place and then she will have the freedom to do as she wishes. Yes it might be a hard pill for her parents to swallow but there is nothing they can do about it. She really does need to live her own life. Maybe talk to your girlfriend and ask her how she sees your future? Tell her how you are feeling, and see if there is anyway she will ever think of moving out of her family home.
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