A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend when I was quite young. We started dating and have now been together nine years. He was the first person I slept with and therefore the only person (fyi I was not his first but this is not my issue). I find it really unsettling that he could be the one and only person I get intimate with. In a weird way I feel like I wished I had more experience for myself rather than anything else. I slightly regret getting into a serious relationship so young, like I've lost those fun and free days. Although I am happy In my relationship and sex and intimacy are good, I feel unsettled about what I did not experience and what things I sacrificed. Is there anyway I can move on from these thoughts ? They make me think crazy things like "maybe we should break up so I can play the field before I settle", but I would obviously lose my boyfriend/best friend to do that. So really I just wanna stop thinking I've missed out! Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2016): I must point out something.
When a guy asks this same kind of question, people ALWAYS call it a lack of maturity.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2016): Ask yourself if you are really happy with your bf? Are there any needs, ANY needs that you have that are not being met. Do you enjoy sex? Do you orgasm? Do you know what makes you orgasm (alone and with your partner)? Do you enjoy sex with your bf? Do you two have fun together, share similar interests, know how to resolve a conflict in a positive way, work on yourselves independently and as a couple, give one another space and are not unhealthily attached to one another (co-dependant relationships)?It is possible that your restlessness comes from you being unaware of some of your needs or from you suppressing them in order to fit an image you have of yourself or the people you love and respect have of you.Having said that, it does not mean that you need to look for satisfaction outside of your current relationship, but it is important to find out what it is that you need. Also, when you get attached too young, you do not have the time to know yourself. That is the truth. It has nothing to do with sleeping around. It has to do with focus. You haven't been focused on yourself enough. You probably started early on thinking in plurals (we) instead of in singulars (I).Before you can judge whether or not someone is right for you you have to know yourself. Also, some relationships last in some of the periods in our lives, but if we do not change/mature in the same way and at the same pace with our partner, the relationship dissolves. There are people who stay together until the end no matter what, but they are not happier for it.Take it easy and focus on yourself. Start asking questions and finding out who you really are. At this moment. Because we all change overtime. DO not let the fear guide you. There isn't a single thing you can do that cannot be repaired.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (10 March 2016):
 Hi,
my strong advice would be to remain with your bf and look nowhere else.
What you are feeling and experiencing is quite normal and you wouldn't be human if you didn't have these thoughts, however, look at it this way, you are one of the very lucky few and i say, yes, the very lucky few, because you met your ideal match at a very young age and you can grow in all sorts of ways together, as the years roll by.
Some of the most beautiful and profound unions, are those where the two met as childhood sweethearts.
My parents did and they're still together almost 48 yrs later. :-)
You have met a man that you love, he obviously loves you, you've both stood the serious test of time and you've both survived!
Something that's quite rare in this day and age.
Also, you are still so young and blessed enough to be able to get married young, if/when you choose and so long as you're completely healthy, you can still have a baby, unlike many who get married so much later in life and sadly, miss out on that chance with their truest love.
I know so many "older" women who'd give their right arm, their left leg, their heart, just to be able to conceive a baby with their partners, however, they feel they've sadly missed the boat, so count your blessings and you have so many more blessings than you even realise.
If you feel as though you've missed out sexually, in the way of variety and experience, i can tell you, you've not missed out on anything, because thsoe who do sleep with different partners, finally get to the stage whereby they just want to settle down with that one special person and that is all that matters.
True love, not lust.
I married very late in life and i would have given anything to have met my husband 25 years ago, because we would have had a large family (we've both said this to each other) and that is something that i definitely can't do now.
Also, because you are still in your 20s, the world is still your oyster and you can do ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, THAT YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO and don't let anybody stand in your way.
Your bf loves, cherishes and appreciates you, so stick with the one you've got, the one you know, the one you trust.
Believe me when i say, out there, there are many you cannot trust and you wouldn't want to take risks and play Russian roulette with your steady and solid relationship.
Remember this saying, "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know".
Why don't you make future plans with your bf, why don't you both save and take a wee break somewhere together and why don't you try ways of spicing up your relationship.
I can almost guarantee that this will really help to perk things up for you, he and your relationship and it would give you fun options and things to look forward too.
If you'd like more advice and tips, please send me a private msg and i'll get back to you asap.
I wish you and your bf all the very best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, worriedgirl2012  +, writes (10 March 2016):
I've been playing the field for years now and crave what you have. Think of "the grass is always greener". I promise you aren't missing out on much. Cherish the one you have! The alternative isn't fun- I promise. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 What do you think you have missed out on? Sleeping with random men? Hooking up for fun? Maybe falling pregnant or catching an STI?
Sweetie I think you are building this up to be something that it is not. Yes he may be the only guy you have been with, but what can he not give you that someone else can? What is playing the field going to achieve? I think if you love him and want to spend your life with him then that should be enough? Plenty of people settle down with only ever being with one person.
If you feel that you want to sleep around with other guys then go for it, but you might lose the best thing that you ever had. Don't keep looking at it like it was a bad thing meeting your guy young, think how lucky you are that you found someone that you love.
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