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female
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*oy4u
writes: Dear Cupid, Hello I'm 25 no kids not married and live w/ parents and I am a hairstylist. I've been in an 8 yr. w/ my current boyfriend he's wonderful he's so sweet! But has a low paying FT job and no career education other than high school and I don't feel alot of love for him like I would to a husband .I don't want marry him and thinking of someone else or my feelings fading for him and, and end up leaving him. I don't think I should be w/ my boyfriend because I still have feelings for my first boyfriend. I can't get him off my mind. I don't know why I still think of him when it's been 10 yrs. we broke up and we never had sex. With my current boyfriend when we were 2 yrs. into the relationship I had called my first boyfriend from my night job, but my current boyfriend doesn't know about this. The reason I went out w/ my current boyfriend is because he reminded me of my first boyfriend, but now I look at him like he's his own person not someone else. Please Help! What should I do settle for the nice guy or Look for my first boyfriend and hope he isn't taken.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (15 January 2006):
 There is allot of stuff here that needs clarifying. For example, you said that you have been calling your first b/f but not whether you have actually made contact or not. I am kind of assuming you haven't. What has caused you to question this after 8 years?
You say that you are with your current b/f because you saw allot fo your first in him. However, I would suspect that there may be more to it than that. 8 years is a long time for an illusion of that scope to last. Your current b/f must have some qualities of his own that have made the relationship endure this far.
I wonder if there is an incident that has made you feel this way or you have been feeling this way for a long time. Time and healing tends to lead us to idealize the past and erase the negative bits or at least look at it through rose tinted spectacles. Also, there is no gurantee that your first bf is either a) unattached or b) feels the same way. Look before you leap on this one.
A
female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (15 January 2006):
 Hey
If it was me in your place I would go out and search for the one that i truely love and not just settle for some guy that reminds me of somebody. You cant live your life with thoughts of another man and still be with someone else. it is ot worth it and soon the relationship is doomed to break up. It does not matter if you havent had sex with him. If he is still on your mind after 10 yrs then you need to find out why?.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (15 January 2006):
darling, you have a treasure in your life and you know his shortcomings so dont try and make him something he will never be.
You've got the verve,the drive, the motivation and the training.You will have to become the breadwinner and let him run the house.
Going back to the past never works out because that dream you held in yr head all these years has a way of becoming a nasty shock when faced with reality.
Stick with what you've got and look beyond the material aspects of your relationship. he loves you and stays with you. Thats a bonus for any girl.
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