A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Alright, I need a little help here. I've been dating this amazing guy for six months. We have discussed moving in together after my lease is up. I have another few months before I have to give notice as to not renewing and another couple after that before its actually time for me to move IF I don't renew. My problem is not so much not wanting to move in, cuz I do...it's more because he is still legally married and that isn't something I can deal with. Before everyone tells me how awful it is to date a married man...believe me I know all of that and it is something I think about pretty regularly. However, they have been separated for almost three years. He came back from Afghanistan on leave to her telling him she was engaged and they were divorcing. He went back and it seems the papers have been passed back and forth for the last few years. I have told him that I won't move in until the paperwork is at least filed...because I'm not his ex who seems to be okay being married and living with her fiance. I'm not necessarily wanting to get married right away, but I want to be with someone who is at least available in that way if the time came that we wanted it. I have to give my landlord notice of not renewing the lease by June 15th. Is giving him an ultimatum to at least file by then wrong? I would think his ex would be wanting it bad since she has now been engaged to this other man for almost three years. I wonder if she is having second thoughts...but he says there is no chance of that.I just know that this is eating me up inside and although we have talked about it I'm not sure if he is taking steps to change that. I'm so confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): The state I live in recognizes common law...people who live together and present themselves as husband and wife are considered married and even have to go through a divorce to end the "marriage" as in a traditional marriage. Her and her fiance do that...and have lived together for almost three years. Which constitutes a legal "common law marriage" in this state.
However, she is legally married still to my bf...in the traditional way. Which means she could be construed as marrying someone else while already married to him. HOWEVER, as I said there are safeguards to make that not a crime.
As I said I just find it humorous.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Frank...I had thought of alot of that. I told him last night that I wasn't going to be moving anywhere until things were completely done. What he does now is his choice but I know where I stand.
The laws here are similar to what you mention (I work in the field). However, there is some protection for my interest. Funny thing is she could be considered a bigamist at this point...cuz our state recognizes common law...which means she is legally married to both. :)~ However, there are some safeguards for that...so it wouldn't hold up...I just find it humorous.
Anyway, thanks so much for the help!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 Consider this...
his wife owns half of whatever he has in his name. It is her right, title and interest.
If he moves in with you, and he is still legally married, she owns half of anything of his share of the things the two of you invest in.
If you give him any gifts...she legally has rights to half of it. If you make purchases together, like a car, half of his share is hers. If you two share the rent, half the money he is paying in rent is something she could be entitled too. You are not his wife. She is.
As long as he is still legally married, half of his wealth/resources/etc...is hers.
Now depending on the law in your area, consider this as well...if she gets pregnant by another man, the law will make who ever she is married to (your boyfriend) the legal supporter of that child, even if he did not sire it, because he is still married to her, and will be deemed the father by law, if not by blood. That also means you might be forced to help support a step child that isn't even your boyfriends. In this economy, there is zero financial security and nothing is fool proof.
Are you sure you have thought this through?
If they are married, there is no "financial security" that he has that she would not be entitled too. That is the power of marriage. In fact, I have a relative in Canada where he was taken to court by his ex wife to increase her child support/spousal support payments when she found out he got a raise YEARS after the divorce. She won. His new wife and child lose.
The law might be different where you live, but the premise is still the same...he is not divorced. He is still married, and his wife (not ex wife) has rights to his property and resources...including any property and resources you share and build with him.
Please be careful.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (9 March 2010):
 I agree 100% with Frank B Kermit.
don`t move in with him til he is divorced!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI so get where you are heading with that answer. I do need to add that he is financially secure...and so am I. So it isn't a financial thing for either of us. And that financial security that he has is NOT tied to his marriage...
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (9 March 2010):
He is separated...not divorced.
Until he is divorced, you are NOT in a position to be making any sort of decision that will make you liable in any way for his financial issues.
Plan your next living decision (extend your lease, or move into another place) without consideration to him at all. Moving in together before he has settled his first relationship and ended it properly could ruin you financially. Think about it.
-Frank Kermit
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