A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex broke up about 2 and a half months ago. We did start seeing eachother again for a month but we now haven't spoken for around about a month. We broke up due to him being a serial cheat and even though now I have got to the point where I understand I deserve better and I do not need him there has been a problem on my mind which is eating away at me. Just two weeks after we stopped speaking, he went and had sex with another girl. A bunch of friends decided to tell me this, even though I stated to them I did not want to hear it. The girl was younger than me, I knew her but never considered her as a friend and in all honesty I never really liked her. From some of her facebook statuses she has been writing I am led to believe that she may be getting into some kind of relationship with him. I would never attempt to get involved in this and haven't even spoken to her about it and don't plan too, I do feel that I am over him and I wouldn't go back to him if I had the chance, but now I am left feeling ugly. I do have bipolar and I have low self esteem, but I've been looking at her lately and even though she is not thin and doesn't have a nice personality what so ever, I feel so be-littled. She is a bigger girl but she is rather pretty and I just feel like I've been dropped for a younger prettier version and I do not know why it gets to me so much. Lately I have felt that I am just usesless, I have felt I am just a big fat ugly mess who just attracts creeps and liars, I feel like no one nice will ever like me as no one nice up to now has. I feel like even my cheat of an ex has managed to find someone obviously better and now I look like a fool and I can't even find someone who's remotely interested in me. I compare myself to her a lot and I do feel that I couldn't even make my own boyfriend just to stay interested in me and for some reason it really hurts. I just want someones opinion on this because its just destroying the image I have of myself, all the self esteem I built up is now disappearing, because of her and because the hurtful things which my ex and his friends said to me recently in public about my weight. I'd just like someone to give me some advice.
View related questions:
broke up, facebook, liar, my ex, self esteem, sex with another Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dcgirl15  +, writes (14 August 2013):
I'm so glad to hear that. It sounds like you're taking the proper steps and being a good friend. I wish you all the best. Keep working on it and I know you'll get to a good place again. You sound like you're responding to all this in a very mature way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello! Sorry it has taking me a while to reply to this! First of all, I am on mood stabilizers for the bipolar and I have been taking them regularly and haven't missed a pill yet, I have been taking them for a month and half so things are early yet but they do work to a certain extent. My next medication review is on Thursday and due to the rough patch I have had I feel that now anti-depressants may be in order. I see a CBT therapist once a week and even though she does help and give me methods to deal with things they are very hard to use when it comes to it. Recently I have felt terrible and been in a bit of a dark place and it is down to having a more than normal amount of contact with my ex. I live in a small town and here everyone hears everything, and it feels like sometimes I just can't get away from it, someone always has to do or say something which will either bring me back into his life or just makes me so angry and I guess it may be because I am still slightly attached even though time should sort that one out. This week I had a friend who contacted me to tell me my ex had also pressured her into having sex with him. I heard about the things he did and said and I was so angry, she is very vunrable and reminds of myself and because of that I felt I had to say something, I spoke to him for an hour and a half to try understand why on earth he would pressure and emotionally abuse somebody into sleeping with him, all he had to say was because it made himself feel better when others got hurt. I was completely disgusted, as I had known this girl for years and due to the fact that she also has problems with mental health and is easily used and maniupliated I felt I had to step in, it wasn't long however until everything caught up to me and the depression set in. I believe now hopefully the involvement with my ex and the things he does to others is now over as I was very clear to him that one day he is going to do something he regrets. I've realized I only ever feel bad when its something to do with him popping up and I am trying to block it out but I think until I am strong enough to not feel bad when I see him that I will have to go to the extremes of avoiding all the places he goes and tell people that from now on when something bad happens to do with him that I do not want to be informed about it. Its only when I see him or someone talks about him that I feel very un-confident and unhappy with myself because it reminds of the things he has done to me and said about me. I will keep my distance, and trust me from now on my standards are going way up and not coming back down. Thankyou for your feedback.
...............................
A
female
reader, dcgirl15 +, writes (13 August 2013):
One more thought to help you, in case you're still checking this: in re to your concern about no one nice ever liking you since no one nice has yet, please don't fret over that. I didn't have my first boyfriend until 18. He ended up being wonderful, caring, and gentle and I loved him very much. We broke up when I was 19 and then I met another wonderful guy. Then I dated 3 people who turned out to be awful players until I met another spectacularl guy at 22. They can appear at any time, regardless of age.Who has been attracted to you in the past doesn't dictate who will be in the future. At every point in your life, you attract people based on who you're interested in, the way you carry yourself, and where you're looking.Please don't despair. Take time to get yourself "ready" emotionally for both yourself and a future significant other. It will be worth it. You're so young! You're already taking positive steps by reaching out to us. Stay the course and I think you'll find someone. It takes a while and you need to set high standards so that you know when someone reaches them. No more serial cheats, okay?
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 August 2013):
 May I offer this perspective?
1. Your ex- cheated on you multiple times ("serial cheater"). So, you are well rid of him....
2. He took up with a girl who wasn't really a "friend" to you... and who you say you really didn't even like her...
Considering those two details.... sounds like you have no reason to reflect on YOUR self-esteem based upon the actions of THESE TWO people.....
Be strong... be pleased that you are happy and healthy.... and go out and continue your life... There's lots to do!!
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, dcgirl15 +, writes (12 August 2013):
I have to just echo what WiseOwlE said. I went through a bit of a rough patch this year that was triggered by a break up. Even though the relationship wasn't that serious, it set other issues in motion and I couldn't deal with it all myself. It can suck admitting you need help but it takes a stronger person to say they'll fight it and agree to go see a counselor than it does to just let the depression take over. You already know you deserve better and you got rid of the loser. Now treat yourself the way you deserve and start trying to sort through self esteem issues. My counselor helped so much and it only took about 5-6 weeks to get there. I really think you deserve the same. It doesn't need to be a long commitment to work (although there's nothing wrong with popping in to talk things over every once in a while over the long term).Also: I find it hard to believe he wanted a younger version of you. You're already young! Going younger doesn't make any sense unless he has a fetish, in which case: yuck, good riddance.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): You are only a teenaged girl, so everything bad that happens to you is going to seem 100 times worse than it is.
You suffer from a bi-polar disorder, so depression compounded with stress will push you into an episode.
You need to see your therapist; and get your prescription medications updated. I hope you are taking them. If you aren't, advice from this website is totally useless. We would only be feeding into your illness, and not really helping you.
You are too young to be taking this relationship so seriously. That is symptomatic of your mental disorder. Everything becomes a reason to fall into depression.
It's this girl this, and this girl that. No matter what anyone says, you'll obsess on your ex and her. They're nothing but a couple of kids, the same as you are.
Talk to your parents, it's time to go see your doctor.
You are heading for a serious episode of depression; and talking nonsense about a puppy-love breakup, like it was a marriage.
I can tell just by the drama in your writing, that you need to seek therapy and counseling. I can also tell you may have been off your meds; or not taking them regularly.
See the doctor first; and then come back and let us see if we can help you a little more regarding how you feel.
Sweetie, it's not about how you look at all. Young boys just don't stay with the same girl too long. You're both just too young to stay with the same girlfriend or boyfriend more than a few months. You're supposed to be having fun, and out with your friends. Not agonizing over long lost lovers like your in your 20's or 30's.
I know you need comfort and feel really sad. I'm really sorry you're hurting. Most of it is due to depression.
What you need first, is to make a doctor's appointment as soon as you can. You'll feel better sooner.
...............................
|
