A
female
age
41-50,
*igi2977
writes:Hello everyone,I have been married for 11 years,and I am 31 years old, my husband is 34. We have 4 kids together ages 15,11,9, and 8 months. I consider myself to be attractive even after 4 kids...meaning I’m not skinny or overweight. I’m Latina so I have a naturally curvy body. I workout, eat right, and always try to look attractive for my husband. I mostly initiate sex, and I am the one that comes up with new ideas to keep it spicy in the bedroom. My husband never tells me wants he wants or compliments my body anymore. He only complimented me once in the beginning of our marriage before we had more children. He thought I had a nice lower stomach, but after 4 kids that has gone bye bye. If I ask him what he likes about me physically he just says everything or he is attracted to all of me. I feel like he is just saying that to get me off his back. Recently I was using our computer and looked under the history and found out that he had been looking up pictures and videos of naked women, and not just any kind of women. He was looking up women that have big round bubble behinds. I was shocked and devastated. I also found pictures and videos of big butt girls from before I got pregnant with our last child on the computer. He was looking up porn when I was at work all through my pregnancy. I confronted him about it and he blew up at me for invading his privacy...it is the family computer which everyone uses. My problem is since then I feel that I am not enough for him and maybe he wants a women with a bigger rounder behind. I have an average butt, not big, and not flat. I always felt sexy with him because I felt like he loved my body, but now I can’t seem to get over the fact that he is only attracted to these kinds of women, who look nothing like me. I starting think that maybe the reason why he never complimented me is because I don’t have anything for him to compliment. I feel like I’m missing something (a huge bubble butt). I have a complex now, and I don’t know how to get over it. He says he loves me and he only wants to be with me, he is attracted to me, I’m his best friend...blah...blah...blah,but I can’t help feeling incomplete or unattractive when I’m naked in front of him now. The thought of having sex with him makes be self conscious, to the point where I’m not imitating it anymore, and I’m not wearing sexy clothes because I feel like there is no point to it. He has said he is never going to do it again, but I don’t believe him, if he does that’s great, but he has scarred my self esteem and confidence for life. How does one get over something like this?
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at work, best friend, confidence, overweight, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jaks  +, writes (12 October 2009):
Dear,
Every individual has his/her own fantasy. It is very delicate point and don't try to waste your time thinking too much about it. since you have come to know what is he searching for, let him do it.. but keep on your initiating..that initiating is wonderful..i love it..but i don't get it.
love jaks
A
female
reader, gigi2977 +, writes (6 February 2009):
gigi2977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol...you made me laugh Gina :)
Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my question. I see where all of you are coming from, it's just hard for me to let it go....I think it will go away with time.
Thank again,
Gigi
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): Thank you to everyone who responded. I know I have to let this go...it's just going to take some time.
Thanks again,
Gigi
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A
female
reader, gigi2977 +, writes (3 February 2009):
gigi2977 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would go to counseling, but he has already stated that he would never go to a stranger and talk about our problems.
I have always felt good about myself before this happened. He said he doesn't compliment me anymore because he saw how upset I became after I had our son and my stomach changed, so he just stopped complimenting me altogether just in case something changed he wouldn’t see me upset. I guess I'm mad that he actually finds something attractive that I don’t have, yet he says he is attracted to me, but I physically don’t no why because he doesn’t verbalize it. I have the images of the women he was watching in my head, and I can’t shake it. I could understand if I wasn’t giving it to him, but that is not the case. I would give it to him everyday if he wanted it, BJ's and all. Why did he need to look at someone else? I don’t think I will ever understand how men can be attracted to the person they are totally in love with, then turn around and download porn and pictures of other naked women that don’t resemble their wives, and then expect their wives to still feel secure and have sex with them. This is crazy.
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A
female
reader, ShanL +, writes (3 February 2009):
 The only that should matter to you is that you are beautiful to yourself and what he or anyone else thinks shouldn't matter. Another way to get the truth from him is to talk to him about this problem that you are having with him not giving those compliments. I may have not had kids but I know for a fact that a man don't care what a woman body looks like as long as they're taking care of home (him, the kids, & the house). Any man wouldn't care if a woman had a million stretch marks and cut marks from a C-section. For any man if they are attracted to you and you had/ have kids they don't care because they love and care about the real you...not your body.
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