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female
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anonymous
writes: I am currently living with my boyfriend and since we've started dating, it's with me and my girls and him. They use to come over to his house when I was there to visit all the time. I used to catch him taking a glimpse at my friends when they would wear skimpy clothing and wear skirts and what not. I even remember being at a club and him checking out my friend, telling me she had nice legs and he got a lil "happy", if you get my drift. He had said she was cute before and when I compare her to girls that he thinks are pretty..they look like her, not me. Even when she comes over..(which is very rare now) he always wants to fool around or have sex after. I feel like he's sexually attracted to her and it's driving me crazy!! I don't even want her to come over anymore when he's home because it bugs me. We don't even have sex a lot anymore...maybe it's because she's not visiting.I don't want to lose our friendship over this, but it really bothers me that I feel this way..What can I doo??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (15 May 2006):
 Maybe you need to talk to him.
Most likely he is attracted to her but that doesn't mean that he wants to be with her or will cheat on you or anything.
I know its upsetting but don't blame your friend, it is not her fault and its really not worth losing a friendship with her. It appears that she doesn't encourage it and I'm sure would never act on it.
I think that you need to mention it to him but keep it light and don't get too upset with him - you don't want him to think you don't trust him.
Just talk it out and see what he says.
He is allowed to be attracted to other people but I think that you need to address the issues of insecurity and the decline in sex, that needs to be talked through.
Stewing about it won't help. Have a chat and see what you can figure out.
Good luck
A
female
reader, cfliberal +, writes (15 May 2006):
The problem is your boyfriend, not your friend. You don't say anything about her coming onto him, so obviously he's the one with the issue. Don't lose your friend over this. Few men are worth ending a friendship.You and your boyfriend need to talk about this frankly. Your not having sex is probably more complicated than your friend's not coming over. The only way you're going to get past this is to get everything out in the open and find out exactly where you stand.
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