A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with a guy about 2.5 years ago. It was an unhealthy relationship where I saw red flags and knew we were incompatible, but thought my love could “fix” him and maybe if I changed certain things about myself, it could work. I have no idea why he had such a strong hold on me. I made the mistake of doing some googling and found out he is now engaged. Consider the issues he had with emotional intimacy and how slow he moved, I was very surprised that he proposed after less than a year and a half of knowing his fiancé. Of course he is entitled to move on and I do wish him well, but it’s just so odd to think of him having this entire life and memories romantically with someone else. I know I am the one who ended the relationships and I don’t miss him, but I was very thrown off by seeing this news. It’s my own fault for checking in on him, but I’m kind of obsessing over this and being nosy. Does anyone have any words of wisdom on this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2022): You opened a Pandora's Box looking into the post-breakup life of an ex. It's none of your business! It should teach you a lesson not to do that in the future!
Snooping around on exes is searching for a heartbreak-relapse after you've made progress of getting over and beyond a bad relationship.
He's engaged. So?!! It could only mean some poor female has now possibly made a bad-choice. If you're thinking it should have been you; it would only mean you would have made a huge mistake knowing he was no-good! Being married for the sake of being married is not logical, or a sensible, thought-process. I think some say "yes" to a marriage proposal just to have a wedding, not because they're in-love.
Knock your head with the heel of your hand a few times!
Obsessing over it means you may need to go find yourself some healthy distractions; and maybe you should stay off social media and the internet for awhile.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2022):
 This is actually VERY typical.
A guy has a GF who doesn't fully respect herself and who caters to her BF - at some point, it ends.
The NEXT girl (who ISN'T like the first GF)is the one he will propose to.
I have seen it over and over.
HE hasn't changed. SHE isn't "better" than you, maybe just a "better fit". They might work out, they might not - but it really doesn't matter. It won't change YOUR life.
He wasn't the right guy for you, and you know it. So time to BLOCK him and stop stalking him online.
Time for you to find someone who IS a better fit FOR YOU.
Be who you are, BE someone YOU would want to be around.
LET the ex go, take the lessons from THAT relationship, and learn what to avoid in a partner and what to NOT repeat in your own behavior.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (18 December 2022):
 You know that you did the right thing, and what you did was 100% for the best.
We both no that googling him was not a good idea, at the end of the day an ex is an ex. I not a great fan of social media for that very reason, and that is seeing people that you have loved, dated, or had any feelings for in the past, seeing them on social media in their new lives is upsetting as you have found out.
You don't need to torture yourself by finding out what he is doing. Accept you had a relationship with him, it never worked out, and it finished. Be happy for him and his new life, move on, and never search for him again.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 December 2022):
 I suspect you feel "inferior" in some way to the latest love interest. However, there are many different things which could be going on here.
Perhaps she has lower standards than you do. Perhaps she has railroaded him into getting engaged. Perhaps they simply are a good match, whereas you two were not. Perhaps, after being dumped, he got his act together. Perhaps they are both ready to settle down and met each other at the "right time". (I believe long term relationships are as much about timing as anything else.)
It's still relatively early days in their relationship and she probably doesn't know him too well as he is likely to still be on his best behaviour, trying to impress her. Or perhaps the things you (rightly) decided were deal breakers are not important to her.
I am sure you know googling him was not a good idea. For your own peace of mind, you need to stop doing that and move on. He was not for you. Don't begrudge someone else their chance of happiness - or otherwise - with him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 December 2022):
Testing
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