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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi there...okay here goes, ive posted a couple of times about a guy at work. He's 13 years older than me and married. Last christmas temptation got the better of us at a works do and we slept together. It was awkard afterwards and i think mainly because of me, i was so embarrassed about it and was contanstly thinking he regretted it. It took me three good months to get over it and for us to be back to normal as though nothing had happened.Once we were relaxed around each other after he had been to the pub the flirting started over emails again although it didnt go anyway purely because i thought he was just a lil tipsy so i turned him down on a couple of occassions.This year one of my colleagues was flirting with him, i was so angry and it made me realise how much I like him and want to be with him. So it happened again this year at the works do. Please dont tell me how bad i am, i already know that. But it takes two and surely he isnt happily married if he slept with me again. How can i make us work without hurtin people. Im not stupid, if i didnt think anything would happen again i wouldnt have gone near. Please help me in a way that i can be friendly with him and not embarrassed when i go back to work, i get like this because of my nerves and not knowing what he's thinking, if i talk to him about it ill scare him and i dont want that. If anything is going to happen i know it will in time and only when he has made a decision but for now i just need to be compfortable around him. How do i do that without going red and feeling bad. Every time i see him i get that warm feeling in my tummy.Im not a bad person, i just like somebody i cannot have.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 You can only judge people by their actions. You say you are not a bad person but what you are doing is certainly the opposite of good. Call it what you like, it's symantics. You're making terrible choices. He's making terrible choices. You're like two peas in a pod. The state of his marriage is NONE of your business. That is the first thing to realize, instead of using it as justification for the things you're both up to.
You can't be friendly with this guy. Every chance you get, you end up in bed. I have some female friends, we don't do that. You say you're not stupid. That might be but you're certainly naive about this. If not naive, it can only be descibed as selfish or uncaring.
Don't forget, he goes home to his wife. The go on trips, out to dinner etc. You go home alone. This is your choice. He's devious and you're playing the game with him. You must decide you're above that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): You aren't a bad person but what you want shows you are not a trustworthy individual. So no wonder you are attracted to Married man.
I don't think posting new postings and omitting or adding new elements will get us telling you that it is okay what you are doing and wanting.
He's a creep and he is nasty. So why are you attracted to him? He lies, cheats on his wife, he puts his needs first...he flirts with other women...so he is probably the office slut and yet you want him.
What is wrong with this?
Oh...most Sociopaths-people who have no regard for others feelings as they lack remorse- are cheaters, and have some addiction be it gambling, drugs, alcohol and enjoy hurting others and creating fear or pain in their lives. They also fixate on a few individual and go after them and attack them and set out to ruin their lives as they are jealous of those who are happy and may have challenged them in the past or stand to mess up their twisted little game.
What is the attraction?
And Which One is it? You, him, both?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 I agree with the Angel, the poor wife may not know what a bastard he is but YOU do. Cut this thing off at the quick, there is no future for you here.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (28 December 2006):
 Seems to me to me that you have fallen for the wrong guy. big time!
Do not feed this ilusion that you could have have him. First of all he is married. The fact that he slept with you it does not mean that he is not happily married, just means he is having his cake and eat it!
I feel sorry for his wife, she probably does not even know what a bastard she has for a husband. Even if this type of person was to leave his wife (which is unlikely by the sounds of it), what makes you think he would not do the same to you?
Secondly, he flirts with other people, think to yourself, do you really want just another number to this guy?
You must be strong and ignore any further advances as he may see you as a "guaranteed backup".
Carry on this way will affect your self esteem and waist your time, precious time you should utilise to seek a single person that has more to give.
If he tries again, remind him that he is married, you like him but it does not give him the right to use you when he feels like it.
It is very hard to like someone we cannot have, but you must deal with this and try to move on.
xxx
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