A
female
age
36-40,
*unflower 42
writes:i have been a very defensive person in my relationship and i think that it has something to do with the fact that my mother was beat by her bloke when i was little its causing me a lot of grief in my relationship does anyone know if there is a way to overcome this i would really appreciate any advice Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hannah82 +, writes (23 May 2007):
 I would suggest you see a councillor as they are there to help with issues such as this. I know from experience how damaging it can be seeing or being part of an abusive relationship I had counciling and would most certainly recomend it!
Wish you luck.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (23 May 2007):
Yes, there is a way to overcome this, you can go to a counsellor or therapist. The reason to go to such an individual is that their job will be to guide you through a process to gain insight into who you are and how you work on a deeper level than you are currently aware of, which is where you will find your own solutions. It is an absolutely fantastic process, if you are ready to take up the challenge of really getting to know yourself.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): Hi there,
It's often the case that when we experience difficult experiences when we are younger that although we are able to rationalise what happened, and be able to see things for how they were, those things still affect our present day relationships. Sometimes just knowing the reasons for why you might behave a certain way isn't enough. Have you considered talking to a therapist of some kind about this? Someone who is experienced in these kind of things will be able to give you a lot of insight and tackle the destructive ways that you act now. I think that would be the best way for you to overcome your past and get more set on a better future.
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (23 May 2007):
I totally agree with DVI. Every mother has caught themselves with their own children, thinking God I just sound like my mother as a parellel and that is what you are doing, telling yourself you will never ever let that happen to you. It sounds like you are blaming your Mum for her being beaten up... and I know that it isn't the truth. you are angry at the twat that hurt you and your Mum, so don't fulfill your anger or let this man who abused your Mum, ruin who you are. I understand why your guard is up but you're not your mother and nor should you be seeking revenge. You aren't your Mum so just try to start believing in who you are, not your past...your future is really important.
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A
female
reader, Loving_Tamara +, writes (23 May 2007):
 I understand what you are going through. My mom was married to an alcoholic when she had me and my bro, and he used to hit her when he was drunk. To this day, I am still afraid when people yell at me. I think the best thing to do, would be to see someone about it. Because it can turn into a cycle, and you wouldn't want to put your kids through that in the future.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Your mother's abuse was obviously something that haunts you. If you want to be in a relationship, just think to yourself that you want to give someone the opposite.
DV1
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