A
male
age
36-40,
*HITEWIZARD/STEVE
writes:Hi my name is Steve. I'm 23 and I'm in a new relationship but she is pregnant with someone else's child. My girlfriend is 18 and I fell in love with her very fast but the only problem has been her ex boyfriend causes a lot of problems - he kept coming over and making death threats to my girlfriend and me. So we had the police involved and my girlfriend wanted to have an abortion she said she was going to and stop all the problems and that me and her could start a fresh which was fine by me as much as I don't always agree with abortions it made sense to stop all the problems now and in the future. I've always wanted children since I was about 17 and would always give my children the best up bringing possible as I don't have a family to me it makes sense to make my own and have a loving life. But my girlfriend changed her mind and kept lying to me saying she wanted to have an abortion to me but telling all my friends she was lying to me and wanted to keep the baby. I might sound really bad for saying this but its really messing my head up that the woman I love I have to be there when she has the scans and give birth to someone else's child it will destroy me I dont think Im strong enough especially when all I've ever wanted is my own children and instead I have to bring up someone else's. I just don't know what to do my friends don't think I'm strong enough to stay with her but I love her to much to leave her its driving me mad I really need advice I've never written anything like this on the internet but I hope someone can advise me. Is it wrong to love her but the only words I can use right now is I hate the unborn child in her. Its not the Childs fault when its born but should I end it now before I become a fateful step-dad Im disgusted with myself for how I feel Im not strong enough but I keep telling myself I can be she has gone to her scan right now to see the sex of the baby and Im here writing this its ripping my heart out. Well I won't go on about it anymore but if anyone could give me advice please do so because Im really stuck on this one.
View related questions:
abortion, fell in love, her ex, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (22 April 2007):
 I guess that in some way you feel threatened by this child or what it signifies, otherwise you wouldn't hate it so much. I don't know why your girlfriend chose to keep the baby, but I think it's fairly safe to say that she didn't keep the child because of her ex-boyfriend but because of the child itself.
The child will need a loving environment. And it will probably not have any contact with its biological father seeing as he has threatened the mother.
If you could be like a father for this child, then that will be great both for your girlfriend and for the child. But if all you have for the child is hatred, then you had better leave them, because the relationship won't work like that.
I can understand if you wouldn't want to bring up what you think of as "another man's child", there's a lot of people out there who might feel that way. But if the child grows up in the same house and has two people that love him/her, then they would be more like his/her parents than any biological parents he/she might have. Maybe you can give yourself some time to get used to the idea of this child and then see how you feel about having it in your life.
And I defenitely think you may want to discuss with your her why she felt the need to lie to you about keeping the baby. What made her feel that she couldn't tell you that she wanted to keep it?
|
