A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been involved with a man for 7 years. In that 7 years I have found that he lies to me many times, changing his stories and says that I am remembering things incorrectly (which I know is bull).Because we live apart and neither of us makes much money we only could get together once a month for a weekend, those weekends stopped back in April due to financial strain on us both.Recently I discovered that he was playing on Second Life as a woman and had enslaved himself to a "Mistress". He claims that this is only in game but I found out that she has him doing things outside of the game. One night he couldnt get online as she commanded him too and he went and borrowed money to buy a new PC!! Now he barely has money for food but went out and bought this expensive computer just to get to this game. Now he says he can't see me for a few more months because of being broke.I am sick of hearing I cant see you because I have no money, yet he managed to buy this PC to play this game. He is begging me not to leave him, yet I've had enough. I love him but he I know he lies and is impulsive and I dont think I want to spend my life with someone like that. What would you do?
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female
reader, drmary  +, writes (13 December 2010):
Get rid of him. Not only is he addicted, which in itself means that he is not capable of real intimacy, he is a complete loser. Second life is for those who could not function in first (REAL) life. If he spent all the hours working that he spent in his virtual life, he would not have the financial problems that he is encountering. Being a LIAR is only part of what goes along with this. I know a guy that tells people he is a former FBI agent. He has (in real life) a collection of guns worth thousands of dollars. Since he lost his job, he has more time to spend in second life pretending that he is an FBI agent. (They do have to seek knowledge in the real world). If androids are impressed with his "make believe", lets try it on real folk in the real world. All you will ever get is lies. Cut your losses and get rid of him. You would be better off with your own android-but you will only haave the relationship you want if you get rid of this jack ass.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Wow I feel for you hun! It's such a shame that you spent 7 years with this guy. I bet you're glad you found out about this now before wasting any more time. You can never really know whether someone really has a secret life that they keep from you, and at least you've learnt from the experience, I'm sure!
I hope you have better luck in the future with relationships. You sound like a good, strong person and you deserve a much better partner who treats you well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies! I have an update for you.
I found out that HE is the Mistress (he has many alts he uses in this game apparently), pretending to be a woman so that he could win the affection of a 22 year old girl. All his money is going into the sex sim he bought to impress her with.
He has been doing this now for about a year behind my back the girl told me and he has been with her for 3 months now. She never knew that her "Mistress" was my boyfriend or about me. She has dumped him, but he refuses to give up his sex sim and says its ok he doesn't need me because he can't handle a real life relationship or her because she can be replaced easily.
The guy is mental, he admitted to having self destructive behavior and self hatred. He wants to be a woman he said and this is the only way he can. He was angry at me for exposing him. I told him good bye don't ever contact me again. 7 years down the drain but at least I found out before I married him or something.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 He's addicted to that game! And like any addict he finds ways to feed the addiction, lies to the people he loves in order to feed the pleasure he gets from it (whatever that may be) and seems to be losing touch with reality because of it. It may not be a drinking problem; it may not be a substance problem but it is still an unhealthy problem if it gets in the way of having a relationship with a live person. You must make a decsion and give him an ultimatum. He needs help. Like any addiction he cannot do it alone and he must want to do it at all. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (23 September 2010):
He cant see you because he bought a new computer, because a virtual 'mistress' told him to? This guy needs to get his priorities right! Tell him he needs to prove that you're a priority to him or your gone! You deserve to be more important than a fantasy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2010):
DUMP HIM!
He can't see you, yet bought a new computer for her? He does other things?
Use your head and make a smart decision. He's a loser. A total loser. From start to finish, he's a loser. He's one of the biggest losers I've ever read about on this site! That's how much of a loser this guy is.
I know you love him, but he's a liar and a cheat, and is pouring his money away on something that doesn't even exist. You won't get anything from this guy. At all. No real commitment, because he's cheating online. No house together, no holidays, etc. But he'll speak to some imaginary friend!
Dump him and find a real man who will love you, visit you, spoil you etc. But don't waste another year of your life on this loser! Please!
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (22 September 2010):
 "Second life" is much more than a simple role-playing game. On long term, in can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. Anyway, just google it and se what's it about. Long story short: you create your own (virtual) reality.
As for your boyfriend, just leave him, he's obviously addicted to the virtual life, thus he cannot face the real life's problems, he cannot satisfy you on social and interpersonal level. He won't be able to deal with himself, so... why are you still with him?
When you love him, it's easier said than done, but it's about YOU - do you want to spend your life with this man ? Like ANY addiction, this leads to severe problems on long term - you see the same pattern every time he's begging you not to leave, you forgive him and you get over it, over and over again.
The fact that you find yourselves in a financial gap it's not an excuse for him to find refuge in those kind of games.
In my opinion, those who created this game should be burnt at the stake, because most weak people find themselves trapped in their sick minds' creations. (this sounded kinda harsh lol, but this is what I truly think of them).
One possible way to "save" him is to throw away his computer and make sure he has no access to the internet. That's how my parents "treated" me for "computer addiction" - they took my keyboard and mouse away and locked them in a drawer until I managed to become slightly moderate in using the computer.
Just find a down-to-earth man, someone responsible, who knows how to handle life problems and face them like a real man. Not a weak person who hides himself in a virtual world, hoping that others might solve his own problems.
Good luck!
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