A
female
age
51-59,
*ovinDream
writes:I have been having affair with my business partner for the past 5 years. We have separated since this year month March after he finally yelled at me saying he doesn't love me anymore after so much lies and I found out that he actually started another affair with another woman who is also my friend. Yesterday, we met up, he finally admit to me that he actually tried out the 2nd relationship last year October (2009). Well, that time, our relationship was not good and I thought I can try everything to patch up thing and eventually somehow I felt something not right during that moment as he treated me not that close although we still have sex until January 2010 and that was the time he said he wanted to stop the intimate relationship and he used all sort of excuses i.e our relationship doesn't work due to fear, because I am married too and I can't even spend more time with him because of the children etc. to "get rid" of me.Yes, I was really sad because I never think that the man I trust most has betrayed me.After March 2010, he went thru a lot of spiritual retreat and he found out that he had not managed the whole relationship well due to selfishness and he said he willing to be responsible with what he has done.Well, I am really sad as I knew that he was having sex with my friend before our relationship end. He told me that this lady is the lady will never make him wrong ( come on, he barely know her for few months ) and it is her that help him to get out from his miseries. So, who am I all these while for the past 5 years...I am really puzzled. He told me that he never share with her ( current lover)about our relationship and only lately he told her that, the incompleted relationship between him and me. He didn't tell her a lot but only telling her it is me that he need to resolve with. And at the same time, he is now undergoing a divorce with his wife after 7 years of "cold war". Yes, I am sad because he once promised me 5 years ago that he will divorce the wife but he never. But, he did after he is with her. Moreover, he kept on saying the reason he divorce and leave me not because of her....yes, do you believe that's true?After March 2010, on and off he did text me and tell me that how guilty he is and he regret he is...but I ignored him due to the fact I really sad.After going thru so many spiritual healing sessions, I feel much better compared with beginning of the years..I finally move on until yesterday, we met up and he told me that he has no feeling towards me anymore, is it really true? If he really has no feeling towards me, why he still not being honest to his current lover now...ie telling our past relationship, he told me that his current lover also seldom share with him about how she feel.. and he said he is now with her because she supports him in his spiritual path and he also admit that he does sleep with her althought he mentioned to me that he detached from a lot of stuff i.e money and sex...In fact, during the separation, I discover that I have physic power and I can sense a lot of things particular with the incident of him and her. I always believe that the current lover is not "simple". I remembered when I first saw her, I never like her and especially in the month of October 2009 ( Last year ) which I have seen sign that she has "not good" intention" although the stupid fellow mentioned to me that she didn't know my existence. Do you believe that?I feel angry, of course after being "betray" and always hope that he will still come back to me...but he told me yesterday,,,he will not and he asked me to wait for him if I can because he also never know what will happen to the current relationship in this year.Yes, I feel sad. I know I have moved on but sometimes, I have difficulty to be with him, especially we still have to meet up due to business. Whenever I see him, I feel very sad and heart ache when I think of him and her. It's very suffering and energy sucking.Because of all these, I can't move on with the relationship with my husband even thought he has forgiven me and enrolling me to restart a new life again. My husband is a great guy, he never let go of me even thought he knows about my affair and he always support me whenever I need him.I feel guilty because I don't know how I feel for my husband because I know I have not totally let go of my ex-lover and sometimes I have this wide dream to divorce my husband and be with him again. But, I know it doesn't work because he already about to stay with his current lover.I don't know...when my ex told me that his current lover want so much to official announce their relationship but he disallow her to do that because he felt that it is not the right time as his divorce with the wife is not settled and he said he doesn't want to because he feel that my relationship and him is not completed yet. I know she is not happy as the relationship to be remain as "secret".I need your support. I really want to move on with my life. I always being "disturbed" by the past and how he hurt me!At the same time, I told him, if he really wants to move on too, he shouldn't commit any relationship with her (current lover) because she distracts him so much indirectly. Due to this, he can't resolve his relationship with his daughter and the wife due to the divorce.I really don't know...I don't have good feeling about the current relationship he has now. He is 54 and she is 31. I know age is not a problem but looking at her wanted so much to announce to the whole world that both of them together and "hurting" his daughter by "pretending" to be his daughter friend just to get close to him...You can say it's not my business anymore because he has chosen his own path. But, I still care for him...I don't want him to get hurt! I know he will be badly hurt by her eventually base on what I sense. What should I do?
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affair, divorce, money, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Thanks Shania for your answer. Yes, I agree with you. He is selfish & only think of himself. Yes, I am moving on. A lot of times, when the past flashes come in, I suffer. I know I got to something about it. Thank you for your support & ask me to cut all contact with him. Yes, it's hard but I am willing to take this on.
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 You really need to move on...this guy had fucked up your head for 5 whole years, ok...so he went on a spiritual retreat and now is full of remorse...so what? Does he think he has come back as Jesus Christ now? This man used you...and treated you very badly.He probably had an affair with you just to prove to himself that he was attractive to other women..you obviously showed him that and then he decided to divorce his wife and find another woman...my he does sound delightful!
Also he is dangling you on a piece of string...he wants you that much he is screwing another woman...but has the audacity to tell you that you two are not entirely finished yet still has the other woman on the side. I bet he is loving every moment of this...2 women at his feet..excepting any crumbs he can give you both...This guy wants it all.
He doesn't care for you...all he is worried about is himself and how its effecting him. Cut off all contact with him...go cold turkey...let the other woman feed his big fat ego...because if he really wanted you he would be making plans with you...talking about the future...but he hasn't...its all ME ME ME....Tell the loser to take a hike.
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