A
female
age
51-59,
Dr Socializing
writes:Screening Your DateI run a huge singles based company in Australia, and I find myself counselling clients both male and female consistantly. I am writing this especially for the females. With the speed of life today, marriage breakups are on the rise as are defacto relationships because....easy come easy go. I think society then as a consequence thinks they are going to find themselves alone at the end of the day, so then there is a racing of the clock.Women need to be smarter today. When a woman is first asked out on a date and accepts, she gets that buzz of excitement. That buzz of excitement often relates to the cuddle hormone Oxytocin. It can bring the most intelligent woman down trust me (I have women from all different perspectives including counsellors that I counsel)that make this fatal error. Oxytocin has that blinding effect, infact you may even get selective hearing out of it as well.I tell my clients to over ride that excitement, slow down, listen and interpret. All my clients when they are honest, on that first date they are thinking of Potential Future instantly for that man, not back one step, and get to really know him before you decide if he is to be a candidate for exclusivity. Hormones ladies....slow it up and control. You are on the date or dates to see if his boundaries and traits are similar to yours to determine if he is worth getting to know further.I can say the same things to nurses, teachers etc who acknowledge afterwards something went wrong and they readily admit to having ignored their boundaries. When I ask what did he have that really matched your boundaries etc...they hesitate and say maybe just one. They quickly admit to a pattern in behaviour in the dating process.....so I program them to over ride the excitement...relax, enjoy the date, take the blinkers off, look and listen. It can happen time and time again, the pattern, but if you really make the effort you will be more the wiser to pass your candidate on to the next date with you and then the next. Think about it....it begins with the first date....so make it or break it. Reply to this Article
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You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
female
reader, lija30  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I say screen and google your potential date...dont let anything go unoticed and ask lots of questions even embarrasing ones. Ask about family and friends and all that good stuff. If a person can't answer simple questions then it is best to leave them alone.
A
female
reader, replyer +, writes (21 December 2010):
I find it odd that you gear this opining towards females alone. Men are not discluded from that sort of feeling, and certainly not guiltless when it comes to dating- gone- wrong.
I personally don't feel any rush when it comes to romantic socializing, i.e. getting asked out. ??? Your generalizing confuses me.
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