A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi Ive been seeing a married man for about 9yrs, well i tried to break it off so i told him i would tell his wife about us if he didn't plus i said a lot of other very hurtful stuff to him, told him he had no respect for her ,or his marriage vows, well he got mad at me but when he came to see me the other day. he still wants us to continue in this relationship. he has always told me he never loved me but was extreamly fond of me, I on the other hand love him very much and saying those things hurt me as well. now i am wondering does he really love me ? as he still wants me back after hurting him so,I dont know what to think about all of this,we are both in our 60's.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): he probably has some emotional attachment to you - having sex with someone for 9 years is bound to create some emotional attachment.
But is it "love"? well he has said bluntly NO. So, why don't you believe him?
I don't think he loves his wife either, if he did he wouldn't be cheating on her even once let alone for 9 years.
But just because he doesn't love his wife doens't mean he loves you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): You have NO excuse to be with this man for this length of time, and anyone on here suggesting you too, keep him just foe sex, as that is obviously what he sees you for is just condoning cheating.
NINE years is a long time to settle for NO Christmas's, Easters, family holidays, weekends away, joining in with mutual friends, visiting his home, being part of everyday life' he has a family, this is not a relationship, others may dress it up, I won't - you have total control over what YOU DO, Who you choose to get into bed with. YES, so does he, but he is NOT your responsibility, but what YOU do is your responsibility. We all have a choice, and you decided it was ok to get into bed with a married man, and like SO MANY before you, and after you, this is what happens!
Once you knew he was married, if you didn't from the start, then you should have walked. As for telling him he has no respect for his wife etc..well nothing like stating the obvious, but he doesn't have respect for YOU either. Men may VISIT for sex, but they very, very rarely commit to a woman who puts herself up for this, as she has already said NON-VERBALLY she will settle for second best and just sex is ok.
And if a woman really believes 'adultery' leads to anything more, is very naive. And really, IF a man is unfaithful to his current wife, he has already demonstrated his moral standards, and the mistress can expect to be treated in the same way!
The best advice is END this now, heal, learn by it, and set yourself some boundaries for future relationships and NEVER settle for second best.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 If after long 9 years of you two being together and he has said he's not in love with you...then believe him...he doesn't! And he never will, sorry to sound blunt but he's having his cake and eating it.He wants the stability of a wife and the excitement off you...cut him off, he's one big fat user.He is offering you a big fat zero....If you dont mind being used,then go ahead and still see him...but what a waste of your time...your emotional well being and your life.
Good Luck....your going to need it!
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A
female
reader, Darlie  +, writes (11 December 2010):
He's in it for the sex, sister. If I were you, I'd either keep him for sex and forget all the love stuff, or get some self esteem and dump him.
I'm not in your shoes, but if you really wanna know how he feels about women in general--look how he's treating his wife, who he's supposed to love---but there again---he's been sneaking around 9 yrs with you, so what did you really think would ever come of that?
Im not chastising you...just shooting straight. Its scary to think he's that age and still doesnt know what he wants!
Well, I guess that's easy enough too.
He wants it ALL, and as long as you let him do you like that, then he will.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Darlie +, writes (11 December 2010):
He's in it for the sex, sister. If I were you, I'd either keep him for sex and forget all the love stuff, or get some self esteem and dump him.
I'm not in your shoes, but if you really wanna know how he feels about women in general--look how he's treating his wife, who he's supposed to love---but there again---he's been sneaking around 9 yrs with you, so what did you really think would ever come of that?
Im not chastising you...just shooting straight. Its scary to think he's that age and still doesnt know what he wants!
Well, I guess that's easy enough too.
He wants it ALL, and as long as you let him do you like that, then he will.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 No he does not.
He has always told you he did not love you- he has never left your wife for you, and in fact got mad when you threatened to tell his wife.
He came back after you "hurt " him... Oh he wasn't that hurt. It was just words, after all. He does not care. What he cares is continuing this comfortable ( for him ) arrangement.
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