A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:After breaking up with my partner of several years about a year ago I am now dating different people which is what I would tell a friend to do in the same situation. I am just hoping to get out and have some fun at this point in time and I am happy with the situation as long as things are kept light and to be honest, superficial. I was hurt and humiliated by my breakup and I know that I am keeping some very nice people at arms length because I seen incapable of offering anything of depth. Should I quit dating for awhile or carry on and wait and see if this terror in my heart subsides a bit. Any advice appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anja +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Why did you feel you needed to date before you were ready to? Sounds to me you should have spent a bit of 'me' time. Go out and treat yourself, DATE YOURSELF!!! Only you can gain the confidence you need again.
It's not good to rely and depend on others to improve your self esteem. No guy can give you that back, you need to be in a secure and happy place before you can even think about being with someone again. I reckon you'd be best to stay out of the dating game for now.
Enjoy being single, there is nothing wrong in taking the decision to remain single. Why is it women look to men to fufil their needs, men can't do that, that is not realistic and not reasonable. Be an independent and happy individual then you'll soon be fighting men off with a stick!!
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 When I had a breakup several years ago, after I had been cheated on, I was in the relationship for 6 years, so it tore my world apart. I didnt go out and date for 2 years! Now this made me a bit withdrawn and well a bit depressed to be honest! So I wish I had gone out and dated sooner, but at first I didnt feel ready, so i guess I kinda wanted to stay away from people so as not to get hurt again. Doesnt matter how often you go out to date, or want to start something new, in the begining it feels really bad, and you know you want to start things with people, but your too scared to, just in case. In the end though you gotta think, stuff it and get out there and see whats what, we cant go in thinking that things are going to pan out as before, no two people are the same, and no relationship is ever the same. We gotta go in as if nothing had gone before, start afresh or we will never be able to move on. You have to kinda overcome your fears as time goes on, its not easy, but we can make it to the other side. Date when you feel ready, relax and dont worry about it, take each day as it come and see what evolves, dont think about the ifs and buts, just go in easy, see what happens, and dont let the past tar your future.
Good luck
Take care
x
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Relax and dont think about it so much you really will know when you meet someone that is right for you and things will just naturall progress there will be no thinking about how long shall I date for etc.
Relax and enjoy your self, time is a great healer and that is what you are giving yourself.
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