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male
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anonymous
writes: Hmmm... where to start? could fill a novel, but will try to keep it as short as possible. Worked with a particular girl for 3yrs. Grew very close became best friends. eventually this led to more. an affair of 8 months eventually led to me leaving my partner of 4yrs, however she didnt follow suit. no matter how much she swore she loved me, how much she cried. and it was truthful, she just never have confidence to leave her partner. I had a few single months, went a bid mad, met someone who wanted me full time, felt nice for a change. little over a yr later and im a father to a gorgeous girl. Me and my "girl" never really split or argued or agreed to not talk, we just drifted as i spent more time away with my new partner trying to forget about her. spend 3yrs not talking to her, just the odd Hello in passing since we still work together, (differnt buildings, same area) Love my little girl, only one to ever rival my past love. I could write forever what my love meant to me, and make everyone who reads this cry, but there aint the space. Christmas gone. she moves departments, closer to mine, i drink with a few of her new collegues, so comes along. My best Xmas present is a 5 minute conversation with her after 3odd yrs. lump in throat, eyes smiling back at me. knew nothing had changed, truth be told, no matter how hard i tried, still not one day had passed without thinkin about her. its a couple of months on, im still with my partner, shes now with a new partner who until last week also worked for the same company. we have now relapsed into old ways, realising nothing had ever changed, regardless of how hard i fought against it. she cries, tells me im the one, she made a mistake, so wants to be with me. And shes the only one bar my little girl who ever made me cry, or smile the way i do from deep inside. ITs horrible, but im thinking of leaving the mother of my child just so ive more time 2 spend with her. (I would never ever leave my little girl behind though, take repsonsibilites very seriously, this is not a decision id take lightly) surely the very fact tht im considering this means im still in deep. or just screwed! What happens when you both know the other person is the one? the only person youd give everything up for and put up with everything for? when youre both in relationships? The same old hurdle is there, convincing her to leave her current partner. Ive tried so hard for months now to deny myself this happiness i so want simply for the sake of my little girl, but at the end of the day, if im not happy, and cant make the decisions to make myself happy, what example am i setting to her. so want her to grow up making the right decisions at the right times when i didnt. Ultimately, ive made my mind up, i want this girl, for rest of the time im blessed to spend with her. but shes too scared of that leap of faith. Dont get me wrong, i do wish i could just move one, god knows ive tried for years, used to wish for one day she didnt enter my thoughts. But despite all this, i still want her, need her, just wana be with her all the time, and though shes scared, she says the same. Hurts though doesnt it!
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 Are you really willing to lose everything you have, for this slim chance of being with a woman that didn't like you enough to break up her last marriage?
Let me break it down for you. If you do choose to follow your 'heart', your little girl will grow up without you. Girls without father's in the home statistically get sexually abused more often, get pregnant earlier, and have a higher chance of drugs, alcohol, suicide, prostitution or other self destructive behaviors. The ones that make it out ok get lots of counselling.
If you love your daughter then remember she is your responsibility. She needs you to be the parent making the hard choices for yourself, not forcing her to live with your consequences.
Please I beg of you don't be one of those sh-mucky father's who breaks their daughters hearts. She will not understand someday, she will never think it was a good choice, and she will never completely forgive you. Even after years of counselling these abandoned little girls have a hard time letting go of the deep rooted feeling against their fathers.
PLEASE PLEASE be the adult, be a good father and keep your daughter's future out of a counselor's office or worse.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2006): You are in love with a female, who can't seem to make up her mind if she really wants to be with you. She's had two prime opportunities to leave her partners for you and yet she resists and backs down, everytime. I am wondering WHY? She says she wants to be with you, but does she...really? Dear, she is a woman who just picks what she wants from you, when she wants it. If she loved you back and was as devoted, she'd be by your side-right now. You are very emotionally blind to her charms. But i can't understand what you are willing to sacrifice for her. I recommend, you end this and walk away from this other woman, she isn’t going to change. Her past behaviours indicate this. If she isn’t fully committed to you now, when she is on her best behavior and trying to convince you of a future together, what makes you think she will stick by your side, in the daily humdrum of a long term relationship? If I were you, I'd take all your energies and focus on the real love that is right under your nose...your daughter and your partner. Give your little girl, two loving parents, a happy home and a chance for a good future. When that child was born you made a committment to her to give her the best. Now live up to that. Stop this out of control, unthinking behaviour and use your head. Leaving her and her Mother, will introduce emotional mayhem, pain, and incredible hurt into their lives. You really need to evaluate how much you are willing to lose over this 'other woman'. We don't just blow other people's lives up, because you have 'feelings" or an intense physical excitement around this other woman. . Love isn't feeling, dear---it's a decision and relationships take work. Treat your daughter and her Mother's emotions tenderly and with respect and realize, when you put your time, efforts and commitment toward your family, you really will find your life opening up in ways you never expected. Bank on it! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 June 2006):
 The mother of your child you introduced as "met someone who wanted me full time, felt nice for a change". Don't you deserve that? The "girl' who is supposed to be the one, isn't...or she'd have made you feel the same. She'd have left her partners for you and made a sacrifice. What you're willing to give up for her is enormous, she isn't willing to give anything up and it doen't sounds as though she has a hundredth of what you have to give up in the first place. You are blessesd, don't risk that for someone who only seems to have what someone else has. She doesn't want anyone else to have you and maybe seeing you happy reminds her of what she missed out on. I'm not sure that you will stay with the mother of your child forever, I'm not sure you love her, it wasn't clear, but if you do, work on what you have....Some people are worth a second chance, but this woman doesn't sound like one of them. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, M.A. +, writes (2 June 2006):
Well, from what I gather that you started a relationship with the mother of your child, which grew serious and you wandered. I don't know your situation, so I cannot TELL you what to do. However, you do seem to be in love with your daughter's mother. That love and your daughter would win me over. What I would do is become independant first. If you want the woman back, don't give her competition. Make yourself available, even though she isn't. It may take a while, but sooner or later, she'll realize that you do care about her. If it is meant to be, it'll happen- don't force anything. For now, I'd enjoy what I have- friends, family (especially your child). Good luck!
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