A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i broke up with an ex-boyfriend like 6 months ago. we were one of those on again off again couples, so it wasnt our first break up. I ended the relationship around january due to some of his behaviour that i really really didn't like. But we chose to stay friends. We kept going out, but as "friends" we didn't kiss touch or had any kind of intimacy. We pretty much just went out to talk, to have a drink or with other common friends we had. But in those 6 months we never dated anyone else. I wanted to but i knew he was going to give me a hard time as soon as i started to date someone else so i put it off for a long time. He clearly was still trying to get back together with me and was crazy jealous when i went out with my friends(most of my friends are dudes). I told him many times that i didn't feel that way about him anymore, that we should date other people and that maybe we should stop hanging out so much. He always agreed, but then nothing would change. One day we had some stupid fight about a girl who is his friend. She doesn't really like me so she told him not to take me to a reunion they were having. I didn't know she had told him that so i went. besides i get along pretty well with all of his other friends so i never thought it would be an issue. During the reunion it was obvious the girl was really hating on me so i told him i wanted to leave with my friends so i did. He saw me leaving with my friends and that's where it started. He spent the rest of the night texting me really awful stuff like : " you're sleeping with him right" and : "i bet you are in bed with him right now". I was with my friends and of course i didn't sleep with any of them. In fact most of my friends have girlfriends. Anyway i ignored him and next day we talked over facebook. It all seemed to be alright again and i told him if he wanted to hang out with some friends. He said no, he told me he wanted to be alone and that maybe he was going to take his mother to the movies and then just be alone rest of the night. I said ok and made other plans. So i went out with a couple of my friends and we ran into him. Him with a girl. Making out. I didn't say anything but he saw me and after he left he started texting me stuff like:"it's f.... over right" ?? and:"well at least tell me to go to hell" i didn't say anything that night cause i wanted to think things well. Next day i told him that i wasn't mad at him, that we did have agreed to see othr people and that it was ok. But that in order to get over our relationship we had to stop hanging out completely. at least for a while. He didn't like the idea and he said that i promised we would stay friends and that how could we be friends if we didn't see each other. I said that in order to be friends we had to stop seeing each other for a while and the later on we could pick up with the friendship, when we were really over each other. He didn't took it well at all. He started stalking me, texting me, all day everyday. Literally, and i do mean Literally hundreds of messages on a space of an hour. It was nervwracking and scary.Text messages saying "i'm watching you" and stuff like that. We had broken up before and i knew that something like that was coming. Last time he had done almost the same things. So i told him that i didn't wanted to go trough that hell again but he didn't understood. To tell the amount of scary stuff he has texted me it would actually take hours. He started to send me facebook messages when i didn't answer to his texts. Calling my house 4 in the morning. It was really scaring the hell out of me. I told my friends about this and they all have seen the things he does. Finally about a week or a week and a half ago he stopped texting me. I found out he was out of town for a while so i figure time away would make things better. Then 2 days ago he texted me a really rude message. An emoticon of .. well a male reproductive organ. I didn't get it so i just didn't gave it importance. Then last night he texted me again saying " i never did this to you so you can burn all the stuff i gave you and stuff it in his_____" so i told him that i hadn't done anything to him. He didn't answer. Today i found out he has been telling his friends i'm the crazy one and that i've been trying to get back together with him, that i call him non stop and stuff like that. He's really really scaring me. I've been told by friends to go to the police, to get a restraining order. I know i should but i am afraid that it would only make things worse. I don't know what he's capable of doing and that's messing with my head. Big time. and most of all i want to leave my family out of this. we're going trough some hard times and the last thing they need it's this bull... in their minds. I love them very much and i am so afraid to drag them into this. And well now it's worse cause i'm dating someone else, a really nice guy and i'm afraid this thing with my ex is going to get to him too. What do i do ??? i am really scared and i need this nightmare to be over.
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female
reader, hopeFUL_romantic_13  +, writes (26 June 2011):
I inwardly cringed at the things that you mentioned he does. You're friends are right. You need to call the police and get a restraining order against him. Despite the ordeal you will go through to do so, it'll be worth it. He is becoming very dangerous. If you don't do anything about this, you and the people you care about will be in danger. File a report on this creep before someone actually gets hurt. I hope this helps and be safe!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): Its an excellent thing that you are dating.Why are you scared of going to the police?Go to the police and tell them. Show them his messages. Tell your boyfriend. He needs to know. Its his responsibility too. To protect you. The moment I read, "I'm taking my mother to the movie", I knew he was lying. He's taking you advantage. He know you'll not do anything.He's not a good guy. You know that.You don't HAVE to go to the police, you NEED to go the police. "I'm watching you" is simply a threat. He's threatening you.If he texts you something like, "I know your sleeping with him", Reply, "Yes, I am and its none of your business." Because it isn't. He's your EX.Change your number.Don't be friends with him anymore. Cut all the ties with him. He's not a good person. You know that.You could say that he's your "lover" , but no. No, he isn't. He's enjoying himself with other girls and making your life miserable. He's wrong. He should be punished. You should change this. Its not time to sit and be scared, its time to show him that girls aren't weak. It would set a good example for everyone. Go to the police with your boyfriend,tell them what's going on and show them the messages.Everything is going to be okay.Take care.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 You friends are right, you need to let your family know, and you need to go to the police. Take your phone with you, they may be able to retrieve the text and images.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): He's a bully, and i know that being in the middle of being bullied is confusing and difficult because you don't want to involve police etc and you don't want to upset him. I've been in this position and regret not calling the police or getting a restraining order for the same kind of reasons.He won't stop this behaviour just by you asking him or trying to make him understand, it's something deeper than that. His reasons could be anything from grief of losing you to wanting to control you, but you are going to have to be strong.. you need to seek help from the authorities to keep him away from you and your family/friends.Keep the texts he's been sending you as evidence and i would urge you to get a restraining order, it does work, it's just the thing that's needed to shock the other person into realised they must leave you alone. You're right to want to not see him for a while before being friends again, one day, he may be in the right frame of mind to be friends but if that ever happened i would keep him at arms length if i were you!Good luck with it all, I know that to take action like this against someone you care about seems to be the hardest thing to do, but i'd say it seems necessary. He needs to be checked back into line.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (25 June 2011):
if i were you i would take your friends advice. people like this are dangerous. i would go to the police get a restraining order block him on facebook and change your phone number
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