A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do i get dumped when i use a sensitive, attentive approach to women, usually with the 'i like you as a friend' speech.It seems the type of guy they say they want are very different from the guy they are truly looking for.Any advice? I've tried being more distant, aloof and although i get more success with hanging on to my gf, i'm just not being myself and it all seems pointless.Help Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 A way out of this: Frank B. Kermit, one of the people who contribute to Dear Cupid, can help you: www.franktalks.com.
A
female
reader, gothish +, writes (15 April 2008):
honestly, i think you need to be yourself. some girls can be offended by the "i only like you as a friend" speach. you need to be clear about how you are feeling and what you want out of the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Hi Hunny
I hope ive got this right love, You ask why you get dummped when you use the sensitive attentive approach to women, Usually with the "I like you as a friend" speech. If I have that right sweetheart then if you tell a woman you like her as a friend she will think thats all you want, Just a friendship..You just have to be honest with the woman as to what you really want a relationship or a friendship or you want a relationship with a wonderfull friendship as well, You really do need to be yourself and just feel. And tell the woman how you feel but take things slow and let things mould around you hunny. Dont try to hard just go with the flow and see how it goes from there love, I hope that made sense sweetheart..TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 April 2008):
I guess women are in a much better position to answer this question. They are the other end of the relationship, and they know why a guy gets dumped. At one moment of our lives, all of us men find ourselves thinking that women want the bad guys. If Dear Cupid is any indication of it, we have many "nice guys" saying they got dumped, and no bad guy complaining. And then, we have lots of girls saying they got themselves into relationships with terrible men, yet they yearn for them and can't live without them.
I think we should give the floor to women. Why don't you read this article, "Why nice guys are often such LOSERS":
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
Some excerpts of it:
"...
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
...
What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.
...
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
...
More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!
Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.
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Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.
You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible."
Before anyone complains, I got this from a feminist web site I stumbled upon a long time ago, when I was a "very nice guy".
There's your answer.
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