A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help i loved someone, he looked cute. i dated him now 2 years together. He says he adores me, but one day we fought so hard, so i decided to break up. He started to scare me, with the msgs. He had he started to shout and say bad words, and making me feel like I am bitch.Now he's begging me not to leave.Help! What should i do?
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female
reader, myfairdiva  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 I was in your same situation, and it was really hard for me to start letting go after we broke up.
He wasn't always like this, but whenever something crossed him, he would make a right fit out of it, becoming abusive, specially with words to hurt my feelings. Of course I would cry and get away, it was horrible, and even when he never got to hit me or tried to, I began to think he would in the future, and it was a constant fear during our arguments (over really stupid things sometimes).
This part of him is the part I force myself to think of when I miss the good times and nice memories we built. Over all he was a good guy, handsome, successful in his career, friendly... And I do miss that guy. However, deep inside, I know he has a bad side.
If this is a one time situation for you, maybe have a talk with him and see where it goes. If it already happened in the past, don't keep him as a boyfriend.
Respect, Honesty, Communication and Love, girl. Don't forget.
A
female
reader, Sally_A +, writes (29 December 2010):
when you love someone, you love him for being good to you, for giving you a safe shoulder to cry on when u're feeling low and to be with u in good and bad times. SO basically we love someone who can make us feel safe...
does he make you feel safe? if u've been together for 2 years, and he's using bad words and started shouting and being agressive already... what would it be like in, lets say 10 years? 20 years from now?
i know it's hard for you... being with someone for 2 years isn't easy, all that time together, you must have friends in commun... and trust me... i know how breakups go..
anw.. i don't wanna talk alot.. but i'm gonna say this...
we can't control our past, but we control our present and that makes us capable of controling our future
make the right decision here... and don't let ur future become an uncontrolable bad past that u can't change...
look at urself 20 years from now, with this man... is he gonna change his attitude? will he ever be a calm man?
i don't know, you know him better than we all do...
but when it comes to personalities and as abella said b4 me "Always judge a man by his Actions, not his words. Words are cheap. But actions show character"
i hope u're ok... and i'll tell you from a very hard experience i lived... we are humans, we have a blessing and that would be "forgetting" ,
as much as you love a person and even if you think YOU CAN'T LIVE OR BREATHE WITHOUT HIM... if you let him go, with time u'll be alright, and all the wounds he left you with, will recover...
and after walking away from him, u'll learn from the mistakes you did, u'll look at what happened few days ago and feel that it hurts much less, and the most important thing is that u'll walk away being proud of urself, knowing that u're building a greater future with a better person that will love you, honor you and treat you like a princess!
u'll be just fine! i know it because i've been there and i was hurt deeply... keep ur chin up cz better days will come and u'll fall inlove with someone that deserves you!
take care
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 He scared you when he targeted you with msgs, he shouted at you, and he used bad words aimed at you, after the break up. He made you feel bad.
Always judge a man by his Actions, not his words. Words are cheap. But actions show character
His actions scream out that he is abusive. Such abusers only get worse if they don't
have complete control and their own way all the time.
Imagine this abusive man with children? He would not be a man I would trust, as he might lose his temper in front of a baby and scare the baby. Babies need kinder calmer gentle men than this.
Your gut instinct was to drop him and
that remains the best thing to do, permanently.
It does not count that he looks good and
could be described as cute.
There are millions of seriously cute single available men in thieand also smart good looking capable men in this world who are NOT abusive and will not hurt you in any way whatsoever.
.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): RUN
You've the opportunity to avoid years of abuse and heartache. Refuse to get drawn in and it can all be over really quickly; forgive him and your hooked.
Suggest you make the smart move and find someone else.
Tough but fair.
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A
female
reader, IKnowWhatIWanTButDoThey +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Okay, let me just say.. it is NEVER ever ever ever ever a good idea to go back to a relationship that was becoming abusive.. Trust me, my sister used to go through it with her husband all the time...and I was around for MOST of those times... so knowing someone who fights with their spouses makes you really aad...so us outsiders can't imagine what it's like for the people actually INVOLVED...all I have to say is, if you go back, you'll always be scared of what might happen and would he hit you as soon as he gets mad...so I think the best thing for you, would be to leave him alone... =\
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