A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with this guy for quite some times. We are really close and I believe we've known each other for 7 years. Well this year we finally confessed we liked each other and dated for a two months. After we broke up things went back to our usual friendship. Now he has started to ask if I'll sleep with him. When I tell him I don't want to because it will ruin our friendship he swears up and down it won't. I don't really believe him. I'm a virgin and I'm fairly positive he is too. So this would be a big deal to me. I care for this guy a lot. When I need someone it's always him who I go to. I just don't think sex is the way to go. Any opinions? Sad part? I don't think he likes me that way. I just think he wants to have sex, so that's also something I'm worrying over. I'll admit I've come close to saying yes. We have only made out to the extreme, but we have that sexual chemistry you only feel with certain guys. He's the only guy I've felt that way about. Sometimes I want to have sex with him, and other times I'm just plain scared. So...any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of these very helpful suggestions. You guys made me realize that I was right in all this. I won't have sex with him. I know some of you still think I will. You can call me crazy, but I'm still one of those virgins that hopes for the right guy to come along and sweep me off my feet. It may be a tad unrealistic, but it's me. I love my friend, but I'm not willing to have sex with him. I know it will change things. Even if he says it won't. I know it will. I've witnessed it a few times. But thank you. :)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 You are wise to feel as you do. Let me leave you with this reminder.... which I've lifted from YOUR submittal, and include more than once so you will remember it vividly:
I just think he wants to have sex
I just think he wants to have sex
I just think he wants to have sex
I just think he wants to have sex
I just think he wants to have sex
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Please do NOT have sex with him. He is after sex with you because you are familiar and available to him, not because he actually cares about an actual love relationship with you.DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. He is trying to use you. Do not allow yourself to devalue your sexuality like this. You're worth way more than this.I don't care if you love him when it comes to this situation and I know I sound really harsh when I say this, but please understand that you need a serious reality check. He -does not- love you back and having sex with him will not "make" him love you because love just doesn't work that way outside of romance novels and trashy chick flicks.You cannot force or forge a relationship through your vagina in reality. It doesn't work that way in real life, only in "happily ever after" storybook scenarios. This isn't a rom-com unfortunately, and if you can be logical when it comes to situations like this you'll come out a lot better for it. Trust me.When it comes to sex, do not offer it to anyone who does not LOVE YOU and is not in a relationship with you. No sex before monogamy. Period. Value your sexuality as the prize that it is and do not give it away and devalue it. You're not a McDonald's happy meal, not just anyone should be able to have you...you are worth SO MUCH MORE than your "friend" is offering you.
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A
female
reader, Babs1 +, writes (26 September 2011):
I'm with CindyCares on this one!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Why do you have your first time with just a friend ? Why not with somebody who 's in love with you ? You'll meet dozens of other guys you'll feel chemistry with, don't think he owns the registered trade mark for chemistry. So why not to wait for someone who does like you that way ?
And yes, it would spoil your friendship, friends and lovers are two different things. Also if, tbh, I don't think a guy who wants to use you for sex is that great a friend.
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