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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I dont know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for three years we are both 23. I love my friends but I have always felt lonley in the sense that I don't have much in common with them. When I met my boyfriend I couldn't believe it. We have the same taste in music, books and the same outlook on life. I feel I have grown so much sharing all of these parts of me with him. the last few month have been hard for us, he is umemployed and I am doing a very demanding course. our relationship used to be so amazing.Recently he has started to meet up with girls socially that I have never met and doesn't show me much attention unless it's leading to sex. He has never understood me but I put this down to him being a "guy". Is this a phase or has he ever loved me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cdognon  +, writes (16 December 2008):
i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and i know what you mean about having so much in common, my boyfriend went through a similar phase, as in it seemed he had better things to do than be with me... its been 6months since then and everything is great, but it was tough, i was very upset most of the time thinking he didnt love me at all. I just had to persist as i wanted to be with him so much i had to show him what he was missing out on and as my mum says i had to show him it was much funner being with me so he would grow out of his phase of going out all the time and not being with me. it was so hard when he could never see what he was doing wrong and it was hard not being able to explain it to him acurately. eventually he felt the guilt of making me upset, and realised he was bad, now he is fantastic, however about the job part, thats very unfair, he cant mulch off you as you have your own things to worry about, if he wants a future with you, you need to know he will be able to support you financially. i also suggest you reading the book men are from mars women are from venus its a very good book which help alot with understanding the opposite sex
A
female
reader, His girl  +, writes (16 December 2008):
First of all you have to ask yourself what it is you are getting out of this relationship, is it companionship, love, sex or friendship? Once you understand that part, you can talk to him and see if his ideas match up with yours. From the behaviour you're describing, being unemployed is hitting his ego very hard so he is acting in ways that can boost it. And now the tricky part and I do know how hard this can be, if his goals in life are different to yours, no matter how much you have in common superficially, music, books etc, you have to decide if you are willing to stay with a man who doesnt understand you and who is looking for excitment with other people, or if you are brave enough to try living outside the corner you have been in for a while. You say you love your friends, but how do you get on with the other people at college/uni? If they are doing the same course as you, chances are they'll have similar tastes to you as well. Lastly, you are 23, you're still just working out where you fit in the world, I know there will be some girls around you that look like they have it all, a boyfriend, maybe a baby or two, but how happy are they really and how happy would you be if that was you? It does sound to me like you have grown apart in the last few months, and if you AND he are willing to work at the relationship, then you will get there, but if you are doing all the work then that is not a relationship, thats him getting a free ride through life, and is that fair on you? Is that fair on him? I hope this helps, good luck, His girl
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