A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do i let go of hope, hope the phone will ring, hope ill get a text message etc.. hope hope hope.. its because the last thing he said was "Im sure well see each other again one day" and " I just dont want anyone right now but we can talk" I would love to retry the relationship MAYBE one day if he feels the same way although he broke up with me i have discovered i was emotionally needy and clingy .. but right now I need to focus on me and fix these problems and not worry about the hope cause it may never be. Help me focus on the present and not so much on my love life in future cause there may not be hope.. and there might be.. and i might find someone else.. How can i overcome this barrier!
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female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (31 August 2008):
hiyah, the way your feeling is completely normal! its in all of us! but its usually only seen by us at the end of a relationship (that little too late).you will eventually find somebody else, its just gettin there, but you can, just do day to day normal things, get stuck into yor work but at the same time balance it out with going out and having fun with friends. your focusing on wanting love too much at the moment and there is more to life than love! a lot of people are happier without it!
Its good that youve realised you need to focus more on getting yourself sorted thats part of the first hurdle, the second is your way of doing it!
Good luck and enjoy being you xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): I am very desperate, needy and clingy and I hate this about myself. I try very hard not to be this kind of woman but it is sooo hard. I have spent a lot of time evaluating this and really it is all a question of controlling fear. I am fearful I can't do things on my own without a man. When my husband divorced me, initially I was almost frozen and paralysed in my fear. I couldn't talk to solicitors, I couldn't take the car for a service, I couldn't drive somewhere strange. These are all things that I had to make myself do. I still hate doing them but they do get easier. I was totally dependent on this man and could hardly breathe without him being present or me knowing where he was. This is crazy. i remember he once told me 'why would I ever want a woman that is dependent on me - I want an equal'. It really hurt me but in hindsight it is of course true. I used to pick the phone up to check to see if it was working and stupid things like that. The way out of this is to keep yourself very busy with work or tasks that fill the day so you are too tired to brood on these things at night and to try to control your own fear. Being clingy is hard to let go but I have found if the feeling comes force yourself not to ask the question of when will you be back, how long will you be, when will I see you again etc. Make the conscious effort not to ask anything and just say see you soon etc and bye. This makes you look independent even if you're not. The sad fact of the matter is that we are all responsible for ourselves and we just have to get on with things. With regard to the phone if it rings it rings if it doesn't it doesn't. Put yourself into the mindset that he will never ring or text again and then you are halfway there. Living in hope is completely destroying so put the hope out of your mind and get on with day to day things. You are also very young and if its not him I absolutely promise you you will meet someone else especially when you are not looking for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): I think a lot of us girls have the same problem. I'm just like you said when I'm in a relationship, but I never seem to realize it until it's over.I don't know why we get so clingy and needy... but we just have to try and be aware of what we're doing and try to take a step back.Does this sound anything like you? Planning every step of your day with him in mind, sitting around waiting for him to call, not able to do anything till you hear from him? Get paranoid when he doesn't call when he says he's going to? Wanting to spend nearly every free minute with him?We let these guys become our lives, rather than letting them be a part of it. Then when they break up with us, it's like our whole world is shattered because they became the very foundation. Us needy women just need to remember that our lives are OUR LIVES, and they have to be seperate. Like sappygirl said, we need to do things on our own, for ourselves.For example, last year I went on several trips to Europe and one to Egypt. I had a boyfriend during all of these trips, and I remember being so upset that my boyfriend couldn't be there with me. But now, since that's ended I'm SOOOOOO glad that they didn't come with me. I'm so thankful now that those memories are MY memories alone. Just imagine if everytime I went to look at pictures from the Great Pyramids, or the Vatican, or Big Ben, I had to see the face of those guys from my past!So I think the both of us need to be our own person, and ENJOY being our own person before we should be in another relationship. Trust me, I know it's easier said than done, because I'm probably the most clingy, needy, and insecure girl in the world, but I beleive if I really work at it, I'll get stronger. So I'm sure you can do it too. Especially because you've already acknowledged your problems.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (31 August 2008):
 I am going throught the same thing as you.
I believe the thing we need to do is discover ourselves again. Find out what makes us happy besides having a man in our lives. Start taking classes, volunteer, go to the gym. The key is to keep busy and focus on ourselves. Only when we love ourselves can men come in our life and love us. I know it's cliche and it's easier said than done, but it's what we have to do to find happiness. good luck
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