A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 35 year old woman married for 3 years now. I had a lapse of judgement a few months ago and had an affair with a man in the town that I live in. I saw this man for three months and we were very sexually active. I broke it off after I thought someone I knew found out about the affair. Turns out that this person did not see us after all. I feel guilty about the whole thing. Should I confess this all to my husband?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): I just love Updates: it reveals an OPs true character. And OP you just revealed yours.
Your desire for another mans penis is going to be your downfall.
I love your use of the word "friend". Please say it like it is: he is your LOVER, not your friend.
Interesting choice of word though.
If you want to sleep around there is nothing anyone here can do about your choice.
I had a lapse of judgement a few months ago and had an affair ..."
and maybe trying to get back together with my friend...."
SO NOW it is not a lapse of judgement. But a deliberate Act?
I am curious now, you initially claimed to feel 'guilty' NOW you blatantly advocate running after your lover and continuing your affair.
Good Luck
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): "he satisfied me sexually in a way my husband has never done"
Why/How?
Why are you married, and why did you have an affair?
You still want to stay married but want to return to cheating.
Why?
If you don't really know why you do things, then how do you want to live your life?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): You've been married for 3 whole years. Now you've cheated, you've decided that he's not sexually satisfying, and you're gonna keep cheating.
Come on, just grow up and break up with your husband. Stop using him for whatever emotional, personal, financial, etc, benefits that he still offers you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): You are correct. I only broke it off because I thought I had been caught. If not for that I would still be in the affair. I am leaning towards not telling my husband and maybe trying to get back together with my friend. I must add that he satisfied me sexually in a way my husband has never done. I would still be afraid of getting caught but if we keep ourselves in the bedroom and out of public place I think it should be ok.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): You only broke off with your lover because you thought you were caught out by someone:This speaks volumes. Would you have continued to sleep around with your lover if there was no way of getting caught?Will you cheat again?If you want to make amends and show that you have changed as a person, you need to tell your hubby. He needs to know what he has married and he needs to make a decision whether he wants to be in this marriage with you.Bottom line: it is only a matter of time before someone tells him what you have been up to. So perhaps better him finding out from you. Right now you are panic stricken that your game is up.Secrets come out when you least expect it.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Ideally, the best thing is to tell your husband. Secrets like this will inherently drive you apart. You will always carry this secret around with you, and, whether you mean to or not, you will grow more distant from him.
Also, the issue behind the cheating still remains. You did not cheat out of the blue. Likely, there is something in your relationship with your husband that is lacking. That is not going to go away, and that needs to be addressed.
*However, this is the ideal. If your husband is not able to handle it temperamentally, and will either go crazy, become violent, get extremely depressed, etc. then, no, you should not tell him--not yet, anyway.
However, you DEFINITELY need to address the underlying problem in your relationship. Perhaps seeing a marriage counselor or therapist or a clergyman if you are religious might be a good start. Then, once you are discussing things in a safe place, you might be able to bring up what happened.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I think you should confess some of this to your husband. If I was him I would want to know but I would not want to know 'all the gory details'. I would leave out the "we were very sexually active" wording. Do you feel unfulfilled sexually in your marriage? Go to a marriage counselor with your husband and get together a plan for a happy marriage but only if you want to stay married to him. If you hadn't been "found out", which turns out you weren't, would you still be having your sexual needs met by this other man? Sexual chemistry with your spouse/partner truly is one of the most important things for a long lasting marriage/relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Umm... yeah. You completely should.He has the right not to be lied to about this sort of thing.Then go to marriage counselling to suss out WHY it was that you felt the desire or even need to cheat.If it works out, it works out. If not, then you and he will need to move on.Flynn 24
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