A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why do some people not care about all the research that has shown exposure to porn causes men to find their real life partners less attractive?I personally have experienced this when my husband started to compare me to the women in porn and a close friend says she has had a similar experience....do women actually need to have it effect them to care or are they willing to stand up and demand to be treated better ...here is just one link but their are lots if people are interested even showing that exposure to soft porn causes men to describe their partners as less attractive after they view the porn than initiallyhttp://pornstudies.net/meese-report/472.htm
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): Hi ms anonymous, and ms anonymous below..
Firstly you need to watch more porn, not all women who star in pornographic films and magazines have loose vagina's, you just like putting them down to make yourself feel better. That's not very nice, why do you hate these women who provide a good service and are making an honest living for themselves. That's just down right mean, what ever happened to sisterhood, do you always abuse other women to make yourself feel good. You have mental problems and insecurity issues that you need to work out...
Hi ms other anonymous, yes I read the article, it was out of date and other research has made it invalid. I come from the UK. The current understanding and recommend advice is for people to use pornography in their sex life, to help keep desire alive. Pornography and prostitution is as old as the hills and the trees. People like sex, they like to look at sex, you should research more and read up on your history... It's a proven FACT, that the Egyptians, the Romans, and the Greeks all liked looking a naked people having sex. This current piece of research is crap.. If I had the time I would show you millions of links that prove that looking at sex actually helps people to get along and improves mental health and relationships.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/doc-click/300448923
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): Contaminatedlove.. your name gives you away. If you understood more about men love and relationships, then you would give better advice and would be as content in relationships as me. Check yourself and your ideas, porn isn't the problem, but you are.
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female
reader, contaminatedlove  +, writes (21 September 2008):
 Denial dedial denial!! Catch 22. So girl, U move on. Coz together u r not goin' any further.The intimacy will deminish coz that is part of the addiction behaviour.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): It's easy to self-righously demand that something be banned when you personally don't enjoy or benefit from it at all.
But this is not the way the system should work.
We also don't ban religion solely because a group of athiests have produced studies showing the potential for harm in it. (And those studies ARE NOT be very difficult to produce, trust me.) It's the same principle.
Porn is a vice, just like a lot of other things. It has goods and bads. Society has collectively decided that most vices like this should be allowed, while also encouraging people to individually exercise restraint about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): I hate porn. It has ruined a lot of my life. How can men like these huge, LOOSE vaginas?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 Because we have all got to be so p.c these days that we cant even complain about porn. Thats my guess anyway.
But i'm not sure if thinking your partner is less attractive than the porn stars is very realistic, i mean, i'm sure its true, but of course the porn stars are better looking, thats what they are paid for! I bet you can type better than them, or whatever your chosen career is, so who cares?
Only blokes that find it affects their FEELINGS for their partner should be worried, because that is weird, and thats a rare problem that needs addressing anyway. Surely.
C xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): Quote from anon female: "While my fiance didn't have a porn habit, I did occasionally see him sneaking glances at younger women (some not very attractive either) I realised the only was the deal with this was to play him at his own game. I left lots of pics of hot men about, mentioned little things if they were on tv, glanced at them etc etc etc, in other words let him have a taste of it. result? he has not done this since (about a year now) he really cant be bothered now. I also made him see it from the woman's point of view that they just see him as a dirty old man. We shouldn't have to play these stupid games at our age, but men need to learn a few lessons sometimes."
Wow, what a loving and secure couple you are - NOT. People like this would be much better off working on their mutual insecurities than to play stupid games intimidating each other.
To the OP - Anyone can find a study to support their own view. If you opened your mind, you would also find studies that support the opposite view.
The way some women now dress borders on soft porn. Women with big breasts wearing very low cut tops and push up bras. Am I complaining? Hell no. Does my wife complain? No. She even points them out to me. We both look at good looking members of the opposite sex. We both make sexual comments about actors on shows that we watch. Why? Because we are both secure with each other. We actually enjoy what the other looks at. We weren't secure 29 years ago when we started dating, but we were intelligent enough to see that working on our insecurities was the only way to be happy.
So now I suppose that you are going to tell us that men shouldn't be allowed to go out shopping. Oh my, he might see some hot babe that is better looking than me. Perhaps you should go to his place of employment to see if there are any good looking women there. If there are, you could always make him quit and get a job in an all male industry, if any exist.
Pwople can abuse anything - porn, alcohol, gambling, you name it. They can also use anything in moderation and not allow it to take control of them.
Questions about porn, looking at other women, looking at other men, girlfriends who screwed a dozen guys, men who screwed a doaen women, etc are not about that. They are about insecurity. I have been there. My wife has been there. We worked on the root problem. We didn't try to control the other person. That is the only real solution.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (4 September 2008):
 personally i think this article is not rubbish but out of date and conclusions are far too open.
When (some) men/woman watch porn they can be jerks and mean to their loved ones, as in your case. YES this is wrong but dont blame porn for it blame them.
Porn for most men/woman can be a quick enjoyable sexual experience and when they shut down the internet browser, they go on with their lives.
This study is right of course if a person sees an attractive person another may look less attractive. I see an attractive female, yes other may not be as attractive, but doesnt mean ill appreciate them anyless. All this study (in my eyes) proves is people see 'better looking' things and view the others as 'less attractive' which is life. But its how we deal with it which makes us good people.
Your husband may have been an arse, but dont use porn as a scapegoat. Im sorry for your hurt but do you expect men/woman to stop using porn? if so i want a ban on mills and boons.
Also i want to make a quick point on how its men who are sometimes used to blame for viewing a "perfect woman". theres NO such thing. Blonde, slim and big boobs is rubbish, not every man wants this. Not me either. Wouldnt mind buts its not my view of my perfect woman.
Also your gonna have to blame heat, New, Look and every fashion magazone as they cause alot of woman to want to look like the 'perfect' woman out there and feel pressured to dress like them. Which has little do to with men as we dont read that rubbish.
OK?
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 I'm with you anonymous female, but there is perhaps a broader range of concerns here. For example, I'm painfully aware that ongoing exposure to Michelin starred chefs and the best Chinese restaurants in the world has led me to view my wife's cooking as less attractive.Having said that, the hurt goes both ways, I was deeply wounded, earlier this week, after a hard evening slaving in front of the X Box in the basement to retire to bed to find that my wife had been indulging in her sick Jane Austen habit and was making most unfavorable comparisons between me and Mr. Darcy.Fortunately however my 25 years plus exposure to porn has NOT dimmed my wife's attractions in my eyes and we were able to settle our differences to the satisfaction of all concerned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): Thanks for the link babes,
And thanks for bringing up this issue so we can all discuss the scientific evidence for harm from the use of porn. I'm gonna read that article, but from my initial glance at it, this article is way out of date. It uses research done in the late 1970's, the most current research it quotes is 1983. Therefore it is probably very out of date on the current thinking surrounding porn. I will however read it and get back to you. Again thank you for bringing this issue to my attention, and providing evidence to support your claim... Blessings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): The page you reference is research from the 1970s AND the penultimate paragraph quotes a piece of research which points in the opposite direction. "Different results were obtained by Dermer and Pyszcynski (1978) in an investigation of the effects of erotica on males' responses to women they loved. They were particularly interested in whether erotica would enhance "loving" or "liking" responses. Males who read an erotic story (an explicit account of sexual behaviors and fantasies of a college female) reported greater romantic involvement than those in a control condition. That is, they were more apt to report expressing "loving" than "liking" statements to their loved ones when sexually aroused than when not sexually aroused."I'm not saying you're wrong but if we're going to have a debate on this then you have to lead with your best material and a summary of research from the 1970s which points in both directions can't be the best available material to make your case.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (4 September 2008):
 it is obvious that this effect would occur-it happens to teachers of teenagers aand i work as airport security and see ahuge volume of people everyday some of whom are so attractiove it blows you away. there is one every day nearly. but so what if you love someone you will show it and if you dont you wont.
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female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (4 September 2008):
 And the same study would probably find that after reading Elle magazine with the model Gisselle on the pages, the same study results would occur...men would find their parters less attractive too. When it comes to sexual fulfillment, I believe men enjoy partners who are able to enjoy the experience and who are confident about their bodies. When a woman feels this way, a man will always find her attactive. What makes men attracted to porn, is the need to visually see a woman who thoroughly enjoys sex and is confident about her body. The degree to which she is visually attractive to him is really not as important as how much she stimulates him by enjoying sex. Also, many times porn is an outlet for other things that have nothing to do with how attractive the woman is, such as a need to vicariously experience different kinds of sex acts or types of women, age wise, body type wise etc. and how attractive the woman is rarely comes into play. So I would take this study with a "grain of salt" and not buy into it's "results". I would focus on enjoying sex with your partner and feeling good about yourself, and if porn does have any part of your life, experiennce it to bring you to a higher level of sexual experimentation...it can often be highly motivating!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2008): What about movies, television, the local nightclub etc??? Men are going to be exposed to attractive women regardless of whether they access porn or not. Unfortunately woman are going to be compared to others! Just like many women will see a particular guy on screen or out one night and think hmmmm - wish my husband had arms like that or I wish my husband was emotionally in tune like that character...It's not that I don;t care - but I don;t quite understand what you are wanting from this site? A petition to ban porn??? Or just recognition for your hurt? I am sorry you have felt disrespected and compared. But maybe the problem isn;t the porn...maybe it's your husband - maybe he doesn't recognise how great you are in more ways than just physical ones...and it manifests as him looking at other women? I don;t know - but it is obvious you are in a lot of pain and have alot of anger too...have you thought about talking to a counsellor about all of this?
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