A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had an emotional affair for nine months (no sex). I finally settled everything with the other woman and came clean to my girlfriend. I'm proud of how I handled it, though not proud it happened. The other woman and I parted on good terms, as "friends". I'm finally giving my girlfriend and our relationship a real chance rather than just avoiding the problems. It isn't going very well since things take time and there are a lot of problems. I had wanted to end it since I obviously have wandering eyes, but she begged me not to.In the time since I stopped seeing the other woman, who I'm pretty sure I was in love with, I've felt really good that I didn't have to worry about her any more. I felt like I was finally over her. There had been times before when I lied to myself about being over her, but this felt real. I see her flaws instead of everything that's great about her.I have a friend who is best friends with the other woman. I became good friends with her while we worked together for a while. I feel like my girlfriend and she would not get along at all. In the past, all my friends were my girlfriend's friends, but this girl and other people I met through the other woman felt like MY friends.Anyway, my friend and the other woman (who now considers me an "important friend") invited me to dinner this week. Since they invited me, I have been thinking about her a lot more and feeling depressed again. I've started thinking again about all the things that are great about her. I want to go to dinner with them so we don't drift apart and I don't lose my friends. My girlfriend will let me since I've been honest with her about everything that's happened and I explained how things ended. I just think maybe I shouldn't see her so I don't start thinking about her all the time again. I want to give the relationship with my gf a fair chance but will it hurt the relationship if I drift away from MY friends to give it that chance? There's no chance of anything happening with the other woman at this point. I was pretty clear about that. It's all just internal problems- things going on in my head.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 November 2009):
Is there any way that you could bring your girlfriend along? She might feel a lot better than that. As for being friends, there's nothing wrong with that, but I really do think you need to totally focus on your relationship at the moment. It's not a good sign if you're already thinking about the other woman again. You really need to do a lot of thinking about what you want. If you can't give all to this relationship, then you need to think whether you'd be better off ending it.
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