A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi folks,could you please answer the following questions?1. Do you agree with this statement? -- "Men do not want female friends. They have their friends, and aren't on the lookout for new females to add to their circle, unless, of course, they believe they stand a chance with her. In that case, a man will hang out with a female under the premise of trying to befriend her, while actually trying to get her to fall for him.If you want to know whether a man is attracted to a female,you should check who initiates the friendship first and how they become friends"2. A lot of people on the internet say a girl who has a lot of male friends is a whore/slut.I strongly disagree with this and I think it's very disrespectful to say this!Personally,I have a lot of male friends and I'm not attracted to most of them.I've never slept with any of them.I'm still a virgin!Two of them used to hit on me but I turned them down cos I only saw them as my good friends/brothers.Does this mean I'm also a whore or an attention seeker?!I just get along well with many people,especially guys(I have a lot of female friends as well).3.I have a lot of male friends and I'm close to most of them,e.g. good friends/close friends.They think I'm an interesting and lovely person.They enjoy talking to me and spending time with me.They value our friendship.I honestly believe guys and girls can be "just friends" or platonic friends without wanting more (sexually or romantically) and I said this to a good male friend of mine..but he didn't agree with me..he told me I'm so naive that I think in this way.He even said,"I'm sure your other male friends don't think in the same way.You're just too naive".He always called me naive...but why was I called being naive??4.Some people say,"Any guy who is friends with a girl secretly thinks about sleeping with them. It's human nature"---Is this true?Does this mean all/most of my male friends want to sleep with me?How about if a girl is physically unattractive or even ugly? I was told I'm not ugly at all though I'm not gorgeous.5. A close male friend of mine used to be very caring,supportive and generous to me.He even gave me a bracelet and a massive birthday cake on my birthday.I thought he did this just because he saw me as his close friend and I didn't think much about it until one day he told me he wanted to be my "friend with benefits".Then I just ended the friendship.Is this just an exceptional case? Can a guy be a close friend with a girl without secretly wanting more from her? Can a guy be always very caring,supportive,patient and a good listener without secretly hoping to sleep with his close female friend?I'm sorry for asking so many questions but I really want to know the answers...Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis article is very interesting.The title is "Men and women have vastly different attitudes toward casual sex and friendship"
http://www.examiner.com/article/men-and-women-have-vastly-different-attitudes-toward-casual-sex-and-friendship
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 I’ll take a hit at it..
1. I don’t think that men seek women to be friends with like women seek other women. I think if a man meets a woman and they have stuff in common they could become friends. I personally do not have any CLOSE male friends… I never have. I have good male friends… but we are all happily partnered with others and do not have any sexual feelings towards each other. If a man who is interested in being sexual with a woman meets her and wants more but she says no… if he harbors any hope of changing her mind I think he will stick around and keep trying. I do not think that it necessarily means that who started the friendship or how they become friends is important. For example, I went after my husband first.. if I had not been forward with him, we would not be together.
2. I do not think that a woman is a whore unless she is charging men for sexual activity. A slut… well growing up a slut was a girl who slept with everyone and got pregnant… who cares btw what people on the internet say? They are total strangers.
3. Have you seen the movie “When Harry Met Sally” if not… get it. It’s exactly this question… Sally asks…so you can only be friends with women you don’t find attractive? And Harry says “no you pretty much want to nail them too” and to some extent this is true IMO of single guys. Are any of your close male friends partnered (living together or married)? If so, what is your relationship with their female partner? (this will be a very telling bit of information for me)
I’ve lived more than twice as long as you, and I have male friends. I’m happily married. They are too. My close friends are women. I’m married too. I truly do not think that single straight males and single straight females can be close platonic friends unless there is absolutely NO sexual attraction for both of them. Sadly, usually one of them is friends because they want more but will take what they can get… in hopes that the other person will change their mind. But again this is my personal experience and my belief… I’m not discounting that you have close male friends. But I bet they’d nail you if you let them…
He called you naïve because you are… you really truly think NONE Of your so called close male friends don’t want to sleep with you… have you ever asked them if they would have sex with you? Why or why not?
4. I don’t think it’s ANY guy or EVERY guy… but I’m betting it’s more than half… I’m betting if you ask your male friends if they would sleep with you (not even want to but if they would) if it meant NSA sex, at least some of them if they were being honest would say yes… I think about sex with others… both men and women. (I’m bi) doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything about it… but then I’m married. And for some guys.. looks don’t matter… and honestly most men prefer, pretty, attractive, down to earth and approachable vs. gorgeous….
5. NO not the exception to the rule at all. In fact, it’s the perfect example of what most guys would want…. Can a single straight guy be close friends with a single straight girl (although even if she was a a lesbian it would not mean he would not try to “turn her” if he could)… possibly. NOT often.
Can a guy be always caring, supportive, patient, and a good listener without secretly hoping to sleep with his close female friend…. Depends on the guy and the friend. Depends on why they are friends.. depends on if he’s married or gay…
I do not think it happens often… I do not know of any single men who are besties with single women… usually ONE of them wants more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo ihavetoomanythoughts:
Thank you very much for your answer.You're the one who really answered all of my questions :D
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 1. Agree and disagree. I think it depends on what kind of person the guy is, whether or not he's making friends because he just wants someone he can talk with comfortably or because he just wants sex.2. Having a lot of male friends when you are a female is not slutty. I know a lot of girls who hang out with guys just because they share more interests with guys than with other girls ;) E.g. girls who like video games or sports.3. I think it's possible to have a platonic girl-guy relationships without wanting more. Each party needs to know the boundaries and they must try not to do anything (it might even be subconscious) that will make the other party think a relationship is possible.4. Hah! I'm female and sometimes I've had thoughts about sleeping with my guy friends and I'm not even attracted to them! It's just a curious wayward thought that passes my mind once in a while. I get a little grossed out :P but I still get those thoughts sometimes. I think guys probably do think about sleeping with female friends (whether they find them attractive or not; they probably can't help these thoughts, kind of like me :P ) but if they're good friends they'll know the boundaries.5. I'm not really sure about close girl-guy friendships so can't help you there :S my bestie is a girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): As a guy (it even says so on my birth cert) whose closest friends are without exception girls, I can happily confirm that it never even enters my mind to want to sleep with them. But yes, from observation, it does seem fairly possible that there are lots of guys out there who really do think that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): A woman has every right to set the terms of her relationship to a man. She has to be honest at the onset of the relationship, and always remind him her interest is purely platonic. Never send cross signals or allow him to cross that line. Men can and do have female friends. It is a man's choice if he can appreciate and accept female companionship without sex. He may not be her type, she doesn't feel an attraction aside from friendship, or there may be other factors that set boundaries that she may not wish to be crossed. It doesn't mean they can't enjoy spending time together, minus sex. Yes, there are piggish men who only see females as sex objects. Then you don't need them as friends, once you are aware of their intentions. The difference between friends and family is, you get to choose your friends.
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