A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I received love texts in my hubby's phone which were replies to a married woman's txts. The last one states that 'soon we shall be together darling' When i asked him he denied and said he has no affair with this particular woman. We decided to blacklist the her number but she kept on changing the numbers. Until i had to confront her. We quarrelled till everything was out.Now my hubby claims that i have tainted his image and that he will never forget. What can i do? I love my hubby so much this is the first incidence ever coz he claims it is the woman who wanted to woe him.but now why did he reply the texts? Could they have had sex with this woman?
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affair, married woman, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Been Through It  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Was there a particular woman he is having an affair with? It;s true people can become very strange, but I feel in older to become that way, he must have led something for her to believe. The real issue here is. Is he happily married? If not, what is it that he is looking for that your not giving him. People are very hung up if someone is cheating on them and not looking at what the real issue is. Happiness! People cheat mostly because it is something they are not getting at home. They are too afraid to say anything and the thrill of doing something bad is a bit exciting. However even though it is exciting, there is a bit of safety they need to consider. Like in this situation. If you are wondering if he has slept with her or not. Only he can tell you that, unless you catch them. In most cases if you are catching someone who you think may have (or has) cheated on you, there is a good chance this is not their first time.You guys need to sit down and talk about this stuff. It sounds like you are open to talking about it and want to fight for your marriage. That is a good sign. It is a very hard topic to approach and if approached with a open mind from the both of you, you may be able to get through it. Again it is not easy and most people would be embarrassed and come off mad to avoid what is actually going on.Also you need to understand about his image. What about your image here.. It really doesn't make any sense. I don't think this is over. Good luck with it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx all for ur comnts. He claims that his life is in danger because the womans hubby came to know of the issue so he has been threatened. He keeps on saying that there is nothing that they did. The problem is that am so disturbed over the txt.they r jst fresh in my mind. Was this man fflirting with this woman?am hurt coz he has been honest and faithfull since we got married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): I don't understand how you could have tainted his image if he was responding to her texts with any inappropriate responce. Unless the texts he sent asked her to stop or that he was not interested. Even then, you would have every right to confront both of them! I have found that a lot of guilty people will pin the blame on the accuser (you)to turn it around. I'm not saying he is guilty but his actions point in that direction! He is the one who responded, not you. If she is crazy, or has an unrealistic image of being with your husband, then he should have made you aware of it from the beginning. You did nothing wrong besides try to protect your marriage. I'm sorry this happened and I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 There's no smoke without fire. It's quite possible that this woman has 'set her sights' on your husband and he is flattered by it, as opposed to him having instigated the whole thing initially. This happened to me and my (now ex) husband until I could stand it no longer. We split up after 15yrs together because she was always in the background, the woman from his workplace offering useful advice about where we should go on holiday, dine out, visit, etc.etc... and guess what, he eventually went to live with the woman. You need to get things well and truly cleared up with your husband and make sure this woman is well off the scene.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): This guy is a lying scumbag. This "reverse" the blame tactic is the go-to natural defense for anyone who has been caught red-handed. If he honestly had no affair, he would not be worried about his "image" he would be worried about proving to you he did not have an affair, and getting rid of some psycho-stalker. Why did you have to discover it for him to tell you what was going on?About the only thing your husband didn't do in "textbook" case of an affair was get pissed and EXPLODE at you for looking ("snooping") at his phone, and invading his "privacy" - "which will take a long time for him to get over and trust YOU again"..... sorry for my bitter rant...You need to sit down and have a talk with him. His image doesn't mean shit, and if he truly cared about your relationship he wouldn't even be thinking of that right now.
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A
female
reader, lonesome101 +, writes (26 February 2013):
 There is a chance that she is crazy... however, it is very unlikely that your husband did nothing to provoke this. Apart form anything else, where did she get his number? I can't guess as to what went on between them, but it seems really unlikely that the woman in question would have said all these things out the blue... even if she does have some sort of mental health problem. I really think you need to talk to your husband again. How has this ruined his image? What image exactly? Is this so-called image more important to him than his wife? Why is he giving is number to other women? I am sorry you are having to go through this... I hope I don't sound harsh, but I think your husband has an awful lot of questions to answer. Best of luck.
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