A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hey i have a question, now i'm sure you've heard this god knows how many time's. But Let's start out short. I have a boyfriend and i'v been dating him for the pass 7 month's ( NOT THAT LONG ) And i really super love him, i feel that there is no man in the world for me that will be like him. He's loving,Caring and will alway's be there for me and that's why i cherish him so much. But there is ONE problem.He has super bad anger problem's and has the tendency to hit me sum time's. I just don't know what too do. Do you think that a therapist could help him? Or it's just not fixable? I get really super scared, And when he hit's me. It does hurt and it leaves sum time's bruises and red mark's, but nothing REALLY bad. But it still isn't right. Should i break up with him? What should i do is what i'm mainly asking. PLEASE HELP ME and reply. Thank you so much, you don't even know. I don't have anyone to talk too about this. And your my only hope (: Reply to this Question
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female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (9 June 2008):
HE IS NOT GONNA CHANGE..i know first hand what you are going thru..first he starts off being the best thing thst ever happened to you... he probably shows you more luv than anyone ever has... then he starts being jealous and ofcourse you kinda like its an ego trip...you spend all of your free time with him... he will start pushing shoving & you kinda like that too cause no ones ever been that jealous over you... he will start calling you names... controlling who you talk hang with associate with...you'll lose friends family because ppl will get tired of you taking him back... ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?? he wil then graduate to just straight whoopin your ass to put it bluntly.. you will be a prisoner with no one to talk to because you've burned on of your bridges...after he beats you he may cry & go on & on how you pissed him off & why you make him hit you... he will bring your self esteem below the ground... you will try hard not to ager him by trying to be perfect but you will never be perfectt enuff... he will try to control how you look at him talk to him.. you will be walkin on constant egg shells... is this what you want for your life?? you will want to leave but you will be so in luv that you won't see your life with anyone else... you will want to call the cops but you will be so in luv that you will not have the courage to or fear that he will get out & hurt you or... just not wanting your name involved with this type of scandle... ofcourse you will make excuses for him to others use classic lines like but he luvs me will fall from your lips... & when you think back to yourself you will remember how you once laughed @ women that are so gullable how you swore this can never happen to me...this is has been my life 4yrs til the present I'm so stressed out my hair is falling out I've gained 60 pounds & I fear for my life...he threatens me my family our kids... but he luvs me....if you need sum 1 to talk tto I'm here for you
A
male
reader, bfire +, writes (9 June 2008):
Listen, he can't really love you if he abuses you. He needs to get his priorities straight and learn if he treats you and people badly you and others will not stay around with him.
Some people are terrible although they trick you into staying by showing affection sometimes, overall HE IS NOT PERFECT FOR YOU! In reality he doesn't DESERVE you. GET OUT! No he won't change. Sorry, guys don't change unless they do it themselves.
Stop wasting your life on him. Find someone that is worthy of you and will not abuse you. There are plenty of guys out there that are not abusive jerks. And you will definitely find them "more perfect" once you check it out.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 Your situation will not get better, in fact it will get worse! No matter how much you love this man it will not change the fact that he has hit you. You must leave, for your own safety. And for you only dating him for 7 months and he is behaving like this, sorry but my advice is to get out, and to get out now!
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 Sorry to hear of your problem.....no you ahould not accept this treatment no matter how much you "love" him...this situation will only get worse...some people are born this way....
For your own safety and future leave him...walk away, I know that is easier said than done but I can assure you once you have made the break you will be able to see what a miserable life you have been leading for the last few months.
There are a lot of guys out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve....
And just one question to SugarCookie.....why the hell didnt you press charges??...I dont understand...sorry....why wait until the next time???...cause then you will make an excuse for hima again...then the next time....when does the cycle break?? with you in intensive care after he has beaten you senseless.....I cant understand you having to "walk" on egg shells....not much of a life...waiting for the "next" time...
Unfortunately I see this far too many times in my job as a firefighter...we get called out for medical assistance...the female is sitting on the sidewalk with a broken nose and when the police arrive to drag / arrest the boyfriend / husband the female then attacks the police for "misstreating" the boyfriend / husband....and we all have to walk away....to wait for the next time....sorry just dont get it...
Anyhow.....I wish you both the best of luck in making the right choice.....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 Your b/f is abusive and physically violent.
It will get worse if he does not seek treatment or you allow him to formed that kind of pattern.
You will need to be more affirmative and put your feet down.
Let him know where are your boundaries and limits.
If he does not respect those boundaries of yours ,
then you should leave this relationship.
if you do not , you will be his punching bag or door mat.
Prepare to leave if your living conditions does not change or get worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): YES!YOU NEED TO LEAVE.If he's perfect,then he would NOT be
physically abusive.You may think this is a small problem
now,but if you stay with him,your future will take a bad
turn.You need to talk to him about his abusive ways and if
he doesn't understand,then take him to therapy.It can be
fixed,but only if he's willing to change.If you let him
keep hitting you like that,then he's gonna think that you
find nothing wrong with the relationship and become 10 times more violent.Talk to him about his violent ways and if he's not willing to change for you,then leave.Cause he's
only gonna hurt you more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): Oh my god. RUN from this psycho! There is NOTHING even remotely normal about this. And NO he can't change. At least not in your lifetime. Men who are abusive need to go through YEARS and YEARS, even a lifetime of therapy and most don't ever change.
But just remember that this is NOT your fault. You didn't deserve any of this. This man is just simply crazy. And 7 months is not that long...so you are still early enough so that if you walk away now you can prevent serious damage to your self esteem, which I can see some has already been done to you...so don't let it get worse because it will...
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (9 June 2008):
Ok i completely understand. I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years and now i have no friends and not really any family. My boyfriend started hitting me when i moved in with him. He never hit me hard enough to leave bruises but then again i got in a car accident and need back surgery and didn't get a single bruise. My boyfriend hasn't hit me since november but then again i haven't pissed him off enough. We are back in the cycle where he ignores me and isn't coming home so i'm sure that the hitting will start again. It is really hard to walk away and I dont know how to so I cant tell you to leave. I always grew up saying i would never let a man hit me but a year after he first hit me i'm still here. I can only answer the question you asked: He wont ever stop completely. He might go a while without doing it but it will happen again especially because he knows you wont leave. From what you said you dont have anyone neither do i and thats why my boyfriend gets away with it. I cant leave i have no where to go. He even got arrested got off because i wouldn't press charges and it didn't stop after being in jail for a week. If you have the strength leave because even with help there will be times he hits you again!
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