A
male
 ,
*imr
writes:HiI wonder if you can help. I now know that my relationship is now definately over and I'm looking for some closure. I still have some photo's and bits and pieces belonging to my ex. I was thinking of mailing them to her with the engagement ring, and a card she sent me stating that we were soulmates (she ended the relationship) just to bring it home what she has lost. Does anyone agree with me or should I just leave it as it is.
View related questions:
my ex, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cristin343  +, writes (15 November 2007):
 Dont send the stuff! i know you want to show her what she wrote and remind her of how beautiful the relationship once was. Its not going to serve any purpose. She will just see it as you reaching out to her... which in a way, you would be doing. Think about your motives. what is it that you want to result in mailing these things?
the best thing for you to do is pick up and move on. throw that shit away. Oh! not the ring though!!! i agree with the other posts that you should definately put it in a box, somewhere that you will not look for a long time. I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I am going through the same thing myself. It will get better. i promise!! (just dont have any contact with her or you are taking steps backwards)
A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 hey,
if it comes to me , i say keep them to yourself!because if you give them to her it would (maybe) be a reason to hurt her!
maybe you are just searching for closure. but closure is made in the heart, not in some stuff.you can make these stuff worth so much and you can make them worth nothing!
if you decide to give them to her, well you have to do it gently( not for someone to get hurt).
byeXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 Hi There.
Sorry for what you are going through at the moment.
If you send the stuff back, your ex might take it up in two ways:
a) you want to hurt her
b) you are trying to get over her.
She'll take it up as you wanting to hurt her if you send back the things she GAVE you, like the cards etc.
She'll take it up as you trying to get over her if you send back only HER things.
I think you should opt for option 2.
It must be really hard for you to still have these things around you, and i agree with Irish here. Put the things she gave you into a box, and decide what to do with them once you are over her.
Send her back all the things belonging to her, like her photos etc, but not the ring.
You bought the ring. My boyfriend still has the ring from his previous engagement, and he has now decided to use it on a PROJECT motorcycle for him and his father. You can still do some good with the ring / money from the ring. If you can't bear having it around, then pound the ring, and donate it to a charity. This way you won't ever see it again, and you would have done something NICE with the money.
Hopefully she'll realize what she's lost in ANY case by you sending back HER stuff.
Remember that it will take some time for you to heal - but i'm sure you know this, so allow yourself the time to get over her.
Good luck...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Personnally, I would give all of the things back. Theres no reason for them to be kept. Maybe it wouldnt be so harsh if you gave her a call to tell her that they were in the post, just in case they go missing and she thinks you have kept them.
Your wounds will heal. It just takes time. Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I would leave it as it is. The only reason why you are sending these things back to her is because you want to hurt her. The most effective way to get back at someone who has hurt you is to recover and be happy. If she asks for the things fine send them back if not leave it alone. Concentrate on repairing the damage that was done to your heart. Showing her that you are thinking of her will only give her the satisfaction of knowing that you are having a hard time letting go.
...............................
A
female
reader, missmanda  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 I personally think that you need to put everything in a box and just shove it up in the attic or in the top of you closet. Out of sight, out of mind. You should not try to lay the guilt trip on her, it could make it worse and you will regret it. but you also do not need it out in the open where you can see it everyday. I would say toss everything in the garbage, but you will regret that too, lol. You need to allow yourself to heal. It may hurt now to look at these things but in the future you will have good memories from these things. You need to give yourself sometime and then eventually slowly move onto a new relationship.
Take Care, and remember, never regret something that once made you smile :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Everyday, people break up, that is a harsh fact of life. And we all want closure but we accept that may never happen. Another reality. You want closure, so it's okay to lash out at her? I don't think so. This type of neediness will not make her come back-it will repel her even further. Leave her alone and you do the hard work of mourning and recovering. You are still very emotionally attached. and you want her to feel your pain. For you to want to send her these momentos is loudly saying "I'm not over you-and I need you to hurt like me" I suggest you tuck away all these things into a shoebox and have a friend hide it, for you with the deal that you won't open this box until a year from now.
The reason, I suggest this is because in one year you likely will be over her. It's at that time you can make more sensible choice as to what you want to do with this box of momentos. Sending all these momentos back to her, won't make her come back. If she's done, she's done. The momentos will have no deep, profound effect on her. And to want to send this stuff to her, is only about your agenda, your need to lash out and be mean to her. If you still love her, be gracious and step aside. We want the people we love, to be happy in their future, no matter what pain and sorrow we experience.
So when you say, she needs to "bring it home what she has lost"? She knows that, already. And yet, she still has decided to move on. What is that telling you? This is your issue not hers and we don't be cruel to others to appease our own hurt feelings over a break up. I don't care how this all went down. Move away from this and heal, with grace and finesse. You will find a 'detachment' some day and welcome it when it comes. Because that is crucial as it allows you to let go and move forward. Give yourself the gift of time to heal and get stronger from this. Feelings change and she has taken a different path. When we love someone, it's hard to step back and think sensibly, without that surge of raw emotion. So you need to embrace the loss, learn for this. And please don't be so hard on yourself. I think the real key to success, is moving into future relationships slow and easy. Before committing your heart to someone.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): I think you are so right to give her back all of her stuff. This now means that it is finally over and there will be no quibbles about you keeping her stuff in the future. I wish people wouldnt go for the soulmate cards, they are so cr*p!
take care
xx
...............................
|
