A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and me have had to end our relationship today, as I am going back to university, and neither of us want to continue our relationship in long distance circumstances. We both knew this day would come, however, she's really upset and so am I. She's texting me saying that she really wants a hug from me, and knowing I can't be there to give her the hug she needs is breaking my heart.I know it's very early, but I'm struggling to deal with the fact that I've broken her heart over all this. I almost wish she'd never met me. I know it will get easier as time goes on. We both have things to look forward to in the near future - I have my 2nd year of uni, and she has her 1st year. It's going to be great, but I feel so sorry that knowing me has caused her as much hurt as it has. What can I do?
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female
reader, jessjess +, writes (15 September 2009):
 I think you have the PERFECT way of thinking. I try to think like that. My boyfriend just broke up with me and I am absolutely heartbroken. He was my best friend apart from anything else. But he clearly stopped loving me enough to want to make next year work (same as you guys I'm going into 1st year at a uni and he is going into his 2nd year in a different uni) so I have to accept that. I don't want to be with someone who isn't 100% sure they want to be with me. It means there is someone who will love me more out there. Anyway, we accepted that we didn't want to lose eachother as best friends so hopefully will regain our friendship. At the moment I am trying to distract myself and we have not contacted eachother since the break up. I think you need time without contact to try and move on and get used to life without them. Then once you are over them you can get contact again and see what happens in regards to a friendship. That way the door is always slightly ajar. If it turns out that you ARE meant to be together and that it was just the timing that was wrong before, then never having completely closed the door on eachother will allow you to give a relationship another go. OR you will have realised that you are BETTER being just friends and will both find someone else more romantically compatible to you. Just don't close that door. I think closing any doors in life completely is scary. Unless you really hate the person you are breaking up with and couldn't contemplate a friendship!! Good luck. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's trying to give me an ultimatum. We either pursue a Long Distance relationship or we cut contact. If we were to visit eachother using a train, the journey would take over 12 HOURS. She doesn't drive, so I would have to be the one to go and see her each time, which takes just under 4 hours. It's doable, but very very difficult. These are not circumstances I want to have to try and maintain a relationship in...
But at the same time, I miss her company. We've seen a lot of each other over the summer. She was a bit clingy. She would invite me over every night, and 80% of the time, I would go, because I didn't want to disappoint her. Whatever happens from now on, I just want her to - look back on our time in a positive light, be happy, have a great time at university, and not rule out the possibility that our paths may cross again someday. I don't want her to wait for me, and I hope she doesn't expect the same from me, but from my point of view: It's a small world. There's no reason why we couldn't be together again someday.
Do you think I have the right way of thinking? Please give me some perspective! Thanks for your help so far!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): It's saddening when a relationship has broken up due to the situation at hand. You could keep in touch with her and check up on her every once in a while out of respect. And if you both use say instant messenger, chatting together with friends could help out as well. Best of luck to you both!
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