A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Relationship going down the drain because of my depression. My partner just does not understand why i hate the thought of going to sleep and why i cant stand waking up to face another day. Why i cry myself to sleep every night. He says i should just get over it and puts me down. I dont want to go to sleep because i dont want the nightmares of when i was raped. I dont want to wake up because im sick to death of struggling to take meds and talk to a psychiatrist to get my usual happy go lucky self back. I know people have done it and moved on. But no matter how much i try i still feel like a big crying fvkn mess. I just want my life back and im frustrated with myself because for some screwed up reason in my stuffed up head its going nowhere. I love him so much and he loves me but a turtle is more smarter then him! No bull. He just can not see where im coming from.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 October 2009):
I noticed there aren't any male responses here, so I hope this explains a bit.
Men don't know how to deal with feelings that seem to be appearing from mid air. (I don't mean to sound harsh there). Most men need to see something to understand it. It sounds like you need counselling to be honest. So maybe start there. Ask if your boyfriend will come along with you, maybe someone else can explain it to him better than you. Spend time pouring your heart out to someone who will understand, rather than grating against a guy that does care about you, but can't understand what has happened.
A
female
reader, isabella1987  +, writes (1 October 2009):
Well first thing you just need to think that what you really want.If you want to be happy you need to stop thinking about sad things or whatever make you cry.When you go to sleep put your mind like you're in waterfall or something you really like and happy place and pray.Talk to god like a person, Specially before you sleep.That's good time to open your heart to god.whatever happen to you tell him to make you happy life.And another things is be yourself.If you don't want to loose him you need to change. stop cry and be happy life.Man likes woman smile! Take care and god bless you...
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A
female
reader, samurai girl +, writes (1 October 2009):
 You may need to let him go because he is not helping in your recovery. Perhaps he is just too young to really understand the seriousness of what you are going through. Talk to your parents and get more intensive treatment.
But in the end, you have to make the decision that you want to get better. The meds will only help so much. The rest is up to you. You can do it!
Believe, I'm in the same place. You've go to take it one day at a time and only associate yourself with people who have your best interests at heart, who can help you and truly love you.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (1 October 2009):
 I do not think that there are any words of comfort I could offer which would make your nightmares go away. But I can suggest some resources and share my own experience. It looks like what you are going through is called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). That is how I would define your condition based on what you have told us. (It's possible that you have heard this label before from your psychiatrist). Defining the condition is the first step necessary to fix it, but fixing it is where the real work lies. I have no idea what it is like to be you going through the pain you are in. However, I will say that I do know what it is like to go through psychological pain so traumatic that I needed heavy psychiatric drugs to fall asleep at night. It's no fun at all. Really really sucks. There is a lesson that I learned from that entire ordeal, when I thought that I would not make it and that I would rather die than keep going another day: Staying positive is the only way to survive and to live, because negativity and regrets are absolutely useless to life and completely and utter harmful. In other words, what I am telling you is that you may need more psychiatric drugs, and whatever you do, you cannot give up just cannot give up. You need to find a person in your life who you know cares about you, to whom you can go to for support on a regular basis. Your husband loves you but if he is an "intellectual turtle", then it will be difficult for you to get all the support you need from him. This is not to stereotype men as unempathetic because many men can be very in touch with their feelings, but I think in your case a woman would be more intuitive to talk to, she would definitely understand you better, especially since the ordeal you are dealing with is the aftermath of a rape. Anyway, back to the psychiatric drugs, it is possible that you may need to keep taking them no matter how much you dislike it. And if the drug you are taking now is not working, you may need to go back to the psychiatrist and tell them to give you another one. You may need to go through SEVERAL different meds before you find the one that helps you. And above all, you need to make sure you stay healthy (eat right exercise ) and GET YOUR SLEEP. If you don't get your sleep, everything in your waking life seems 10 times worse than when you're not tired. There are several good drugs for sleep. You may want to try Ambien, Ativan, and Seroquel. These are ones that I have taken in the past and can attest to their ability to induce sleep. The Seroquel (psychiatric prescription) is the most hard-core sleep aid I have taken, it will knock you out phenomenally, but if you're in dire need of sleep, it WILL be there for you. Looking at your situation and trying to relate based on my own experience I would say that the first step to you pulling yourself up out of this is to embrace the drugs because you definitely seem like you still need them. That is why they are there for you, to take when you need them (carefully, making sure you don't get addicted, of course). Make sure that one of the drugs you take puts you to sleep every night, because you NEED SLEEP, nightmares or no nightmares. NO sleep makes EVERYTHING WORSE, your mental and physical health. Second is to find someone who cares who you can talk to. Psychiatrist and psychologist are good to talk to, to help guide you in your trying time, but for when you need a literal shoulder to cry on, you will need to look to a friend or family member. Third, repeat to yourself every minute of every day if you have to, until it sinks in: "A positive attitude will get me through the worst in life, a negative attitude will kill me in a bed of roses. I have control over which attitude I pick to have. I choose to have a positive attitude. When I feel like giving up, I will stop myself, and switch gears to positive, just like that, JUST LIKE THAT, because I know that a positive attitude will get me through the worst in life, and a negative attitude will kill me in a bed of roses. So I discard my negative attitude because it is WORTHLESS and I embrace a positive attitude because it is PRICELESS." Repeating this is an exercise in empowerment, it is to make you realize that not only DO you have control over your life, but that it is YOU and only you and nobody else who is directing the course of your life. It was not you who chose to be raped. But everything else, including how you deal with it IS within your power, and ultimately either you allow it to kill you, or you make yourself to rise above it, and come out of it with new strength that you did not know you had. Remember that what does not kill you makes you stronger. Do not let what that monster did to you kill you. You need to force yourself to stay positive, because it is the ONLY WAY you will get through this. Read funny books, watch comedies, watch stand up comedy, do whatever it takes to make you laugh and fill your life with POSITIVE emotion, and push out the bad feelings. It is the only way to push out the bad feelings by pushing ingpositive things that make you feel happy, even if doesn't feel right at first. The bad feelings will not go away by themselves, unless they are PUSHED OUT by PUSHING IN good feelings. This is a concept that I learned going through my own psychological ordeal. You have a head. And right now it's full of bad stuff. The bad stuff will not jump out of your head on its own and run away, like a grasshopper out of a bucket. YOU will have to fill that bucket with water until that grasshopper has to leave because there no more room for him. Do things for people to make you feel empowered. VOLUNTEER. Help homeless people. Help people that are going through difficult things like you. It will make you feel empowered to see that you are not alone, and that you can help change someone else's life for the better. Take hot relaxing baths. Eat your favorite comfort foods. Indulge in chocolate, or whatever floats your tongue. Exercise. A lot. Exercise releases endorphins. (That's the pleasure hormone in your brain that makes you feel happy and relaxed). I don't know how your sex life is, but sex is also an excellent endorphin activity. Get a pet, if you don't have one. They are VERY therapeutic. Something warm and furry that you can sleep with would be best, like a dog or a cat. And don't isolate yourself. Don't be alone to long, don't let yourself sit alone to let your mind wander on bad thoughts. Keep repeating to yourself until it sinks in: A positive attitude will get me through the worst in life, a negative attitude will kill me in a bed of roses. So I discard my negative attitude because it is WORTHLESS and I embrace a positive attitude because it is PRICELESS. Let me know if you have any other questions.
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