A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't like guys any more because they always reject me and it's really unfair. I am shy, quiet, nervous around guys, I have a weight problem, I'm short, not goodlooking just plain with a fat face. I have so much bad luck with them I don't want to bother any more, I am just wasting and I always end up getting hurt and the guy always finds a new girlfriend and I get nobody. I can't attract a guy no matter what I do. They seem to like the very girly girly type with make up and the high heels and hour glass figure and painted nails etc and guys love these type of girls and are always oggling them when they pass but I am not like that, I wear tackles and baggy pants and fleeces, no make up, my hair is scruggly, and glasses. When I pass by, guys look the opposite way like I don't exist, but when the big chested girl who wears perfume and make up, high heels guys opening doors, buying drinks making them their girlfriend but me, I am not even considered not, not a hope in hell am I consided and it hurts me why I am rejected for big chested girls with make up.Why do guys ask out girls like that but never me.It's really makes me mad and very very upset.
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female
reader, SexyCoolFatGirl  +, writes (21 December 2008):
Girl, You need to love yourself before someone can love you.
Sexiness is in the mind if you believe you are beautiful and present yourself in that light to other then they will see you beyond your looks.
You can beautiful as you are and deserve to have some one who loves you as you are, mind, body, and soul.
Be comfortable with yourself.
Love yourself more.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Hi, emporessmystique and the other aunts have given you some good tips.
You sound very angry and bitter. If you are exuding those emotions when you go out in the world, you are turning people off before they even get to meet you. Non-verbal communication is what people assess you on first, and my guess is that your posture and your eye contact and your physical grooming are telling people, "Stay away! I hate men for rejecting me! I don't like myself! Stay away!" So most people probably do just that.
So you have to want to look and feel good for yourself first, then we can worry about boyfriends.
There's a middle ground, where the vast majority of us women are, in between the superskinny or superbusty supermodel types and those who take not one positive step to make themselves look or feel good.
I'm not tall, or superslim or particularly memorable physique-wise. I've been about 30 lbs heavier than I am now, and I hated it!!! It's a vicious cycle, don't feel good about yourself, don't take care of yourself, making you feel even lousier about yourself, then you really schlump down into the frumpy dumps. But I have a certain amount of wit and some brains and self-confidence and an interest in learning about other people, and I've never had a problem with having a boyfriend. I might have had problems WITH boyfriends, which is a whole different subject, but never with meeting guys. So even though I went through that cycle of depression, which sounds like something you might be experiencing, I got out of it. And the way to start is by taking care of yourself.
There are a million websites and thousands of books on healthy eating, exercise, makeovers, etc. You can spend weeks, months, years, researching them all. But before any of them could possibly work for you, you need an attitude transplant. That's what you should work on first. Every morning, you look at yourself in the mirror and you look for the good parts of you, the positive characteristics. Simply ignore the flaws for now. You can always work on them later, if they are really a problem. Which I doubt.
So tomorrow, you go get 10 minutes of exercise and eat one healthy meal. You do that for a week or two. Then it's 20 minutes of exercise and two healthy meals. Do that for a month or so. You see where I'm going here?
You didn't get to where you are overnight, and you won't get out of that place overnight either.
Here's an interesting site I'd like you to look at. It may not work in the UK, so tell me if it doesn't, but it was a really inspirational thing for me.
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/spirit/bodyimage/slideshow1_ss_skinbody_20080215/1
Look at Oprah herself. She's overweight, with a very round face and hair that looks like it could be a bit of a nightmare to maintain. Yet she's attractive, smart and really successful. She didn't do it on her looks, did she?
Go get 'em, girl! Start today!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 I really feel for you, you shouldnt let men affect your self esteem so much but I know its hard not to let them get to you!I am roughly somewhere in between those girls you hate so much and someone like yourself. I have a bit of a weight problem but then I like to look after myself, paint my nails and wear make-up too. Men do like girls who look after themselves because it says a lot about your character, and at the end of the day all men want to be looked after so if a woman looks after herself then they will think she can look after a man too.There are two options here for you; you can either take a good look at yourself in the mirror and think "right, this is what god has given me and I have to learn to love it" or try and change the way you look to make yourself happy with your body. Men are attracted to girls who feel comfortable in their own skin, no matter what their size. Do you like the way you look? Do you enjoy wearing the baggy clothes and do you prefer not to wear make-up? Or would you like to look like them? I cant decide from your question whether you would hate to be like those girls or whether you actually want to be like one?Many guys I know wont go near skinny girls because they like a girl with something to grab onto, but then again some guys love girls who look like pre-pubescent boys! You seem to have met some lousy men who only like the high-maintenance look, I promise you there are some out there who just are not into that.While I am very lucky that I dont have trouble with men, it isnt because I am skinny and always wear make up or because I smell good all the time. It is because I have learnt to accept my body, I know I have a good personality and that I have more to offer than the way I look. But also I know that looks do matter so I'm not scared to make an effort with the way I look even though I'm not as thin as I wish I was. My arms are pretty big and dont look so good in short sleeves, my tummy hangs over my jeans but I couldnt care less. This is my body and its not going to change, hell I've tried! So I just make the most of what I've got.Dont hide behind baggy clothes, I bet you can find at least one part of your body that you dont hate quite as much as the rest. You dont have to look like those other girls you talk about but you dont have to stay hidden behind your safety net of scruffy hair and clothes! What would happen if you put something nice on, put a little make up on and did your hair? You would still be the same wonderful person but looking a little but better. I hope you work out what you want and learn to love yourself, that is the only way you will find love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): Nobody wants to date a frump. You don't have to look like a model but show you are interested in yourself. Men like women who have self confidence. Ask yourself, would you want to date you?
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 your self esteem is low and i understand, rejection is hard for anyone to take. You need to work on your self esteem. Take up excersise, healthy eating regime,if you can afford to go to the gym then do this or swim a lot of lengths a couple of times aweek. Excersise is one of the good ways to release endorphines and help you feel good about yourself. If you don't like yourself very much it will show and others will see that. You need to learn to love yourself before yu handle anything else. Once your esteem is raised, have a new hair do and buy yourself a nice outfit. Start looking after yourself, and tell yourself you are 'worth it'. Don't give up and don't let the bad guys win. good luck, hope this helps.
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