A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been together for almost 12 years and have a son together. Its the 4th time now where she has developed feelings she thinks are love, with a guy she has gotten to know, who has charmed her, treated her well and shown her attention. She has then become confused as to which is the right way to go, and each time she thought to give the new guy a chance, within a very short time she realises its not love and comes back to me. In the end, i'm always the one she returns to. This keeps happening, and i suspect very much her childhood plays a big part.Her real father left when she was young, her step father sexually abused her while she was a teen, and then her mother rejected her when she told her what was happening. Believing the step father and agreeing to sending her to stay with friends. Having suffered rejection from two of the most important people in her life, i believe this to have cause psychological damage, and now she struggles as an adult. Rejection and fear there of causes her, without realising, latch on to the guy who is giving her attention. Eventually confusing her. Each time this has happened, I have suffered great pain and torment, now with a son, its even harder. To imagine another guy in my place, raising my son next to the woman I love is something I cannot bear. This time, it was a close friend who fell in love with her, and she is once again confused.I dont know what to do anymore, i have tried to help with suggestions, with closure from her real father to why he left so she knows it was not because of her. Am I stupid for letting her back, again and again? Will it no be rejection as well if i were to walk away?How do i walk away with the knowledge that another guy who destroyed our family is now in my place?Lost.
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female
reader, irdgas  +, writes (17 August 2010):
what I always feel in hours of utter dispair is all the other people in the world, the ones whose mother was whisked away to the local hospital squirming in so much pain because her love for her child was so strong she insisted on leaving early to care for her newborn child and inturn not eating sleeping or when half her body mass detriorates so much she is again sectioned to a hospital ward or when the child in question is so clean they too get hospitalised when they visit a dirty house whereby the step father is shafting the oldest child and the mother is absent with a beer bottle attached by intravenous, what I really dont understand is the adoration others have for the pretty babies, the doll like ones who look so angelic, security let in aid victims, the ones with razor sharp skin after cutting down the odd deer on the way to the hunting ranch who seems to swipe a nappy off with so much ease only to be acused of child molestation later in life when the child thinks shes been laden with - on dear a spot lets all record the affliction of such ungracious uncaring scroundrels, by the way who actually is going to feed this spoilt, self-absorbed abuse victim anyway, alcoholism could always be confused with sheer exhausion and your step father may be trying to explain a person of your age does not need a wet nurse unless you are totally like backwards. It is questionable, and you should really grow some balls.
A
female
reader, irdgas +, writes (17 August 2010):
Oh how dreadful for you your step father must have been a really awful man and your mother rejecting you if only you d have been in the right household you could have been the light of someones life and engaged in true fullfillment if only your step father had concentrated taking his mental illness out on your mothers ill treatment of you perhaps they would have left you alone and not intruded their problems onto you, I would be so annoyed if another incapable person had destroyed my childhood but as in unwanted pregnancies, which I dont mean to be cruel you were, you cannot recapture your childhood but it is not and still is not your fault you were born and you too deserve a life. I mean if they take it from you its infanticide and or premeditated murder, things in life hurt but sometimes mental abuses are far worse than physical or visa versa, they sound like self indulged bastards but they had no excuse using you as their pitfall, you are the innocent in it all but if you become too embittered it will destroy your life and people become bored and you most probably depressed explaining what your problem is, just because someone has been a parental figure at one time in your life they do not have to continue with their role, it is after all your choice to tell them where to go or if you cant do that you are old enough not to be with them, dont be revengeful it will destroy you, believe me its not worth it and if they dont realise what theyve done dont you question they really are truely mentally ill and so self absorded with one another - they are not worth it and one day they may do it to someone who is not as kind as you and end up prosecuted and sent to prison, apparently Court cases of this nature takes quite a toll on mental agility, surely its best to write an affidavit and file it at a Solicitors or write it in a will for future referance and explain why you did not want to drudge up anymore upset for yourself. At least any clarity does not involve their point of view of the situation and imaturity even in adults is usually like speaking to non coherant infant - not very effective.
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A
female
reader, irdgas +, writes (17 August 2010):
Oh how dreadful for you your step father must have been a really awful man and your mother rejecting you if only you d have been in the right household you could have been the light of someones life and engaged in true fullfillment if only your step father had concentrated taking his mental illness out on your mothers ill treatment of you perhaps they would have left you alone and not intruded their problems onto you, I would be so annoyed if another incapable person had destroyed my childhood but as in unwanted pregnancies, which I dont mean to be cruel you were, you cannot recapture your childhood but it is not and still is not your fault you were born and you too deserve a life. I mean if they take it from you its infanticide and or premeditated murder, things in life hurt but sometimes mental abuses are far worse than physical or visa versa, they sound like self indulged bastards but they had no excuse using you as their pitfall, you are the innocent in it all but if you become too embittered it will destroy your life and people become bored and you most probably depressed explaining what your problem is, just because someone has been a parental figure at one time in your life they do not have to continue with their role, it is after all your choice to tell them where to go or if you cant do that you are old enough not to be with them, dont be revengeful it will destroy you, believe me its not worth it and if they dont realise what theyve done dont you question they really are truely mentally ill and so self absorded with one another - they are not worth it and one day they may do it to someone who is not as kind as you and end up prosecuted and sent to prison, apparently Court cases of this nature takes quite a toll on mental agility, surely its best to write an affidavit and file it at a Solicitors or write it in a will for future referance and explain why you did not want to drudge up anymore upset for yourself. At least any clarity does not involve their point of view of the situation and imaturity even in adults is usually like speaking to non coherant infant - not very effective.
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A
female
reader, dorothy2342  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 You may be the one that needs therapy. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but the real question might be why do you keep letting this woman whom has shown you again and again that she doesn't give a crap about you back into your life, keeping you form moving on. You do not have to be married to this woman to be a good father to your child. She has repeatedly given you grounds for divorce and reason for you to be granted custody of your child. What will it take for you to quit making excuses for her behavior. Bad things happed to many people in their childhood, it doesn't give he a lisence to destroy other peoples lives. We are suppose to raise our children by example, what kind of example is she? What kind of wife is she? Why have you continued to make yourself into her personal door mat? You need to take responsibility for your happiness and that of your son. I am sorry this was harsh but you needed to hear it, you are not responsible for her life or for fixing her. She made her choice, quit making excuses for her.
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