A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am a happily married man who truly loves his wife. That being said, something happened a few years ago that has left me in upheaval ever since. My mother suddenly died of a massive heart attack leaving my life in the throws of grief like I have never known. In the week after her passing, a long-time friend was 'consoling' me over facebook and the conversation turned strangely sexual. In fact, we crossed quite a few cyber lines that day. Subsequently, I've found myself drawn to anonymous sex chat sites and have allowed myself to get lost in cybersex on many occasions. I've never physically cheated on my wife and would not really do such a thing, but I can't seem to break out of the cyber world that seemingly has me hooked. What is wrong with me? Cyber Guy
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 It's a distraction for one thing. But it could impact your marriage in a negative way if your wife ever found out. To most women, cyber sex is still cheating. You are taking refuge in this form of entertainment because it makes you feel alive and after experiencing death and dealing with thoughts of your own mortality people often do outrageous things to keep from feeling old. If you don't think you can stop on your own you would probably benefit from some kind of grief counseling which you could do privately on your own. It might help to talk with a trained professional for some guidance on how to break this cycle. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Rocky angel  +, writes (31 May 2012):
Exactly! You are trapped and now you are addicted to it. You never cheated your wife physically but emotionally yes. And theres no body" no body can stop you with that but only you. If" you only want to stop it. You can enjoy your self doing that till your wife fine out and marriage got trouble or you will start trying to stop it. Technically, you are also a victim. A victim of this what i called new technique of new generation. You know" computers, cameras, etc. But remember Its up to us to get a victim or to be a victim of this new technique.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 May 2012):
 First of all, I'm really sorry for you loss. There is a bond between mother and son that defines the word "home". It's a type of security in an uncertain world. You've been hit by the loss of something so profound that shakes the foundation of your world to the core.
You are, essentially, trying to both medicate yourself and not face your grief. You're doing what people do when they turn to alcohol, drugs, self-harm, even dive into work to an unhealthy degree. You're treating cyber-sex as your medicine. There's no need to tell you that the loss of your wife will cause you pain on the level of losing your mom.
In effect, you need something healthy to replace this unhealthy activity before it's too late. I would recommend seeing someone professional to help guide you towards true healing.
As for your wife, is she not there for you? Are you talking to her about your feelings? You shouldn't hide how you feel to her, as I'm sure she's already trying to find out what's wrong with her. The worst thing you can do is to pretend that you're handling things, because things like this can happen.
As for telling your wife about your cyber activities, I wouldn't yet, even though normally I don't condone such disloyalty in a marriage. Your grief doesn't make it any more justified, so it really needs to stop immediately. Don't soften it by saying that you've never "actually" cheated, because trust me, if you found out your wife were having cyber orgasms with other men, you'd hit the roof. It's not fair to her one bit.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Liz  +, writes (31 May 2012):
You are not cheating physically but the time and energy you are using in the cyber world might be better spent at home. People seek comfort and or excitement outside of marriage because something is lacking in the relationship. What is missing for you? You need to really ask yourself what it is you get out of these fantasy relationships that you don't get from your real one. Did you ever wonder what your wife would think or feel if she ever found out? How would you feel if you found out your wife was doing the same thing? Your wife might be missing you while you are gone. It's not all bad lots of people read stories or look at pictures as something to fantasize about but if it's taking over, if it's replacing a good woman you love then that might be a problem. Put the mouse down and take your wife out for dinner and dancing. You might be glad you did.
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