A
female
age
36-40,
*oxycsr5
writes:Hey guys! Im about to be married in less than a month but having doubts... I love my fiance and his family with all my heart but there is only one thing holding me back...he's really bad about feeding into the attention other women give him. At the beginning of our relationship, I had issues with his current ex gf texting him everyday trying to get back together with him and he didnt really take any action to not respond or put a stop to it. He also would text other girls frequently that I did not know personally (says he grew up with them)... the most recent incident was a 15 yr old girl adding him on myspace, persistently messaging him trying to either get him to leave me for her or hook up with her on the side. She then would show up at his job when he worked night shift and hung around until he clocked out. when she messaged him, he did tell her no, but there was content said to her that really upset me and almost caused me to leave him...he said things like (I couldn't do that to my fiance, but if I was single...; I really like talking to you, and oh so you're naughty huh?)...when I confronted the girl on facebook about it, she was like if your man really cared about you, he wouldnt be asking me to take naked pics of myself in bp bathroom now would he? I had no clue she messaged him or was stalking him at his job until I checked his phone and found text messages from her then logged onto his myspace and discovered the thread of messages. Things have been a little better and he actually deleted his myspace completely after we almost broke up...sorry this is so long but Im really hurting for advice, and I found the messages the same day my mother purchased my wedding gown and my bridesmaids bought their dresses =(
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Things will only get worse with marriage. Marriage doesn't fix problems, it seems to magnify them. You need to stop, get away for a couple of hours and think. Don't worry about what people will say or think, and don't worry about others opinions. Think about if you're ready to deal with this and more for an entire marriage. Are you ready to take on the emotional rollercoaster that this guy is going to send you on?
If you're not ready to give up on this guy, I'd at least call off the marriage for at least another year. Give your relationship time to prove itself worthy and ready for marriage, because right now it isn't at all. Good luck!
A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Marriage is hard when everything is going good. If this is a serious problem, and to me it would be, then I would at least postpone the date.
There will always be times that we are thrown into situations with people of the opposite gender. In every life it happens. With some it happens often. Say for example you are a Real Estate Agent...there will be times that you will be alone with a man showing a house.
So if your marriage/relationship is based on trust and respect, you do not worry overly much about these times. However, if there is already an element of distrust, then you are in for a rollercoaster of a ride. You will ALWAYS be wondering....you will be suspicious of every text, facebook friend, email, every time he is an hour late and blames it on traffic....
Is this the way you want to start a marriage. Personally, the fact that he is carrying on a flirtatious "friendship" with a 15 year old would be enough to raise a warning flag.
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A
female
reader, Outofuse +, writes (22 September 2010):
Don't walk girl but run from this marriage. I too married a man who put up all sorts of red flags. The day he picked me up at the airport, he ask me if it would be ok if we also picked up an old girl friend, since she was flying in the same day around the same time. (He couldn't have know thid, if he hadn't been in contact with her.) As I said Run. It only gets worse after your married.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): I went through this with my ex husband. He was a great guy I mean really super. But for some reason, he needed the atention of other woman. He did cheat on me one time in 6 years but came clean. But basically the speaking to girls online and texting never ended. I mean hed prmise to stop the start again. I think it comes from low self esteem or something. Im not entirely sure. Now were friends a year after our seperation like i said hes a great guy loving caring sweet, and great to be around and he really really loved me, i believe that with all my heart. He has a new girl who he tells me he loves........ Hes doing the same to her.
So in my situation, it was the type of person he was. You need to figure out if its the type of person he is and if your really willing to live with that if he is. To him it wont seem like such a big deal, because its only word and talking. But I know how shit it feels to be on the recieving end. And Im happy Im not there now.
You need to take a long think to yourself, work out whether you can put up with this forever, or if he really will change and stop. You will know deep down yourself.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (22 September 2010):
 DO NOT GO THROUGH WITH IT.
This is serious. Marriage is a life long commitment, he doesn't sound 100% committed. He's young, too young to be getting married. Chances are he will cheat or you two will end up in divorce.
Why marry now? Wait a couple of years. Hold on to all the dresses for the future. Don't get married now as what you mentioned are huge red flags.
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