A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I located my half brother we share a mother. He is 4 yrs older than me we have been exchanging emails now that he is back from afghan and deployment. We have never met he hasnt seen our mom in 20 years. I have been filling in the gaps for him and the story of what I heard and about my life. But he always replies but never says much it's more like a line or two like I'm glad your in good spirits. He doesnt ever tell me anything about himself. I'm sure this is all emotional it is for me too but I don't understand if I'm doing something wrong. What does this mean is he not taking it well? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2012):
I would write him some questions about himself that you want to know.
He might not be a talkative person.
He might resent you a little for being with your mom which he obviously never was.
He might have a hard time adjusting to having a half sibling he never knew about.
He might have a lot of his mind, just being home from deployment. Many guys have a certain level of disconnect from "life" right before, during and right after a deployment, mainly because there is a lot of stuff to deal with and compartmentalizing helps. Keeping everything under wraps and in neat little "boxes".
Don't give up on him. Just don't expect a whole lot from him right away. Maybe he just have to warm up to you a little.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): "What does this mean is he not taking it well?"
It just means you are a literally a total stranger to him and all you have in common in a mother from whom he must be estranged if he hasn't seen her for twenty years.
I'd say at this time he has no interest in pursuing a sibling relationship and is simply responding to you out of politeness and courtesy.
Continue to correspond but give him the time and space he needs.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2012):
 did he even know he had a half sister?
why hasn't he seen your mom?
hes' polite and replies but he may not want more....
he may not want to stir up something he did not know about...
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 May 2012):
 I'm assuming you contacted him?
First off, give the man a break. He just got back from Afghanistan! The poor guy has seen stuff enough to mentally scar him for the rest of his life. It's hard adjusting back to regular life when you've been in a war zone for the past year.
ESPECIALLY, now he has to deal with finding out about you and his mother after all these years. Talk about family drama. No offense, but I doubt this is something he wants to deal with right now.
Maybe he DOESN'T care to hear about his mother. Or wishes to start a sibling relationship with you at the moment. That's why he's being so guarded. He went so long without having any contact with you and your mother, that he prefers it that way. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is.
I'd email him every once in a while just to check how he's doing and spare the details of you and your mother's life...unless he asks.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (8 May 2012):
He is in a different place mentally with it, maybe the whole issue isn't as important for him as it is for you. Perhaps it would be more helpful if you could meet in person and talk face to face. Only then will you really get a proper idea of how things are.
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