A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I think I really need help, maybe professional.. I have an irresistible urge to snoop in my boyfriend's e mail and facebook. its bigger than me and I cannot stop it, its like satisfying an urge. I never found anything suspicious on his primary e mail until today when I found out he set up another e mail account, without telling me. I know I'm in the wrong here 100%. I am not respecting his privacy, not trusting him, and only causing harm to myself and us, and yet its like an urge which I have to satisfy. Its like I keep looking for something that will make me not trust him, that will make me angry at him. Why am I acting like this, I am not happy, stressed all the time, and I get serious anxiety when I see him logging in on his laptop.What am I going to do?
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female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (8 May 2012):
 The problem with snoooping is if you do find something incriminating, how are you going to challenge him about it without letting on that you snooped through his e-mail?
Why are you sabotaging your relationship like this? Look if he's going to cheat etc on you, he's going to do it no matter what and no amount of snooping is going to shield you from the pain. But I did say IF. The thing with trust is that it involves a certain amount of risk. You have to trust that person to respect you and not betray you and that goes for you and him. Right now all you are doing is harming yourself and your relationship.
The next time you have the urge to snoop, find something else to do to distract yourself.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 Abella's right. I'll add that if I ever dated a guy who snooped like that, I'd drop him. If you're so terrified and insecure over your boyfriend's activities and online life, imagine losing him when he finds out you're hacking into his stuff. You do know that it's illegal, right?
He probably set up another email account because he doesn't want anyone snooping in his stuff! You're not married to him, and you're invading his privacy. You've gotta stop it.
Tell him to change his passwords because it's a temptation you don't want to indulge in.
Keep doing this, and you'll lose him. How would you like someone cyberstalking you??
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (8 May 2012):
Maybe this stems from insecurity due to issues in your past relationships. Maybe you are carrying some anger and frustration about something else and looking for somewhere to pin it? Or maybe your woman's intuition is screaming at you because there really is something amis.
The additional email account does sound a bit suspicious but that is not a lot to go on, yet.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 May 2012):
 You do not have enough diverse activities in your life. You need to be busier than you are now and enjoying life.
Yes, he may not be communicating as often as you want and the communicaton between the two of you my have deteriorated. Work on the communication.
Work on doing some activities together and develop some traditions. Such as if you always walk up a particular mountain one month before your birthday.
Enrich your lives together. So join a group that does things that the two of you can enjoy together. enroll in a gourmet cooking class together.
Currently you have too much time on your hands. And being curious like this makes it seem as if you feel as if you are on the outer of his life. And you are feeling excluded. When he may not be excluding you. His reasons - for having a new email account - may have nothing whatsoever to do with you.
Get involved with mutually satisfying non-sexual happy events that you can both enjoy together.
Boost the excitement in your life through wholesome activities and shared activities and it will enhance your relationship with others
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