A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for seven years and everything has been fine, we have been talking about getting engaged and getting married within the next few years. Recently she has been acting totally different, she seems confused, conflicted and her love does not seem to be entirely toward me. We talked about our situation two weeks ago and it ended with her saying “if we are gong to get married we’ll have to take a break sooner than later”. She has never expressed this before, we were very young when we got together and have not really been with anyone else. It hurt for her to tell me that but I understand where she is coming from. I had been hurting from thinking about it too much for over a week and eventually my hurting turned me to do one thing that I know is not right, I looked in her email and found emails, txts and chats from one of her good friends, which the contents did not look too great, dating back months. The most recent being only three week ago, when she started to act really weird. One txt from him read "i know you have a boyfried but im notGoing to let that stop me because i know what we have". A couple months ago this friend came home for break and they saw each other, I didn’t mind because he had brought his girlfriend, well that’s what my girlfriend told me. I’m afraid that something might have happened between them when he was visiting but I know I shouldn’t disclose that I looked in her email. There are trust issues to be discussed as well but what it looks like she has done is in no way any better. I know we can get through it if the truth is out in the open. How do I get the truth from her without telling her I looked at her email? Thanks in advance.
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male
reader, lawguy170 +, writes (21 May 2010):
I hate that I am agreeing with the above post bc it sucks to hear, but I just went throught almost the exact same situation. We were planning on marrauge, she blammed me, backed off, were on a break, broke up, talked about string back then no..... I guess it's just what girls do. If ur talking about marrauge then u have probably been together for a while, which means neither of you have experienced being through this and the magnitude of your feelings. You should be the one to end it, not in a mean dramatic way, but in a confident way, like the old saying, if you love someone set them free, if they come back they were always yours, if they dint they never were. Dude. My ex dragged me to a jewelery store to show me her 'ring' then broke up with me a month later. I just think you should try to get out now. With your confidence and dignity now. She is not playing fair with you. Your still in love and faithful and she's being questionable, doesn't seem fair!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 May 2010):
To be honest, I think maybe it's best just for you to move on now. I know that's not easy, but this really doesn't look good at all, and either way you'll never really know what happened and it will hurt. I know, because I've been there. My girlfriend cheated on my on my birthday, and I had to find out from someone who'd seen her. When I confronted her, I got a
tirade of abuse before she finally came clean. But it hurt.
The truth is, of that last email was sent, and that was the moment that she became more confused, it's likely that either something happened, or that she has become confused because she doesn't know what she wants. Either way, that is the sign to move on. If something has happened, you'l never trust her again properly, and you'll just spend your time worrying that it will happen again. And of nothing has happened, but she's just confused, that's also a bad sign. She shouldn't be confused at all, it should be clear.
And to top it off, when she suggested a break sooner than later, that sounded like she wanted to have her cake and eat it, before trying to get back. The time has come for you to take the step and move on from her. Accept that what you had was great, but that now it has run its time. I promise that you will meet someone who will commit. But this is not that woman. Bow out with dignity and grace now.
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