A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl recently, really liked her and we get along well. I synced my phone contacts with instagram and i can see all my contacts who use it, and she has an account and posts things every few days.I asked her if she uses instagram and she said"nope i don't use instagram".should i just walk away from her now?or is it usual to not want to add people who are still relatively new to your life to things like that? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (3 October 2015):
 I can't believe what I'm reading!!!
You're basing your interest in this girl - who you admit you "... liked and get along well..." on whether or not she has certain phone functions?????
What is the matter with you?
Good luck....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): Some people accidentally have their instagram linked through facebook even if they haven't signed up to it specifically and don't realise.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 October 2015):
 It may be, that as she has only just met you (recently) she may not want to share every aspect of her life with you.
Before facebook/twitter/social media hysteria came along, people got to know each other in person, via talking.
People today live their lives through the internet. Everything is recorded in minute detail, BUT many people put things on the net thinking they will only be seen by the people they WANT to see it.
She may have an instagram profile, and she may use it, but she may also think that it is private, personal, and for people she is comfortable with in her social/family circle. Not for general public consumption.
Quite rightly she wants to keep her private life private, until she gets to know people....
BUT.....
Now, you can stalk the internet, googling your potential date to find out all about them before you have even met in person. I actually find this really quite scary, that someone can know all about me, my life, my likes, dislikes, hobbies, where I went last night, my friends, family and pets just by linking a phone number.
You have obviously been looking otherwise you wouldn't be able to say this..
"she has an account and posts things every few days"
So you have looked, trawled thru the photos, and now are accusing her of lying, because she wont give you access to the things you have already seen, but are pretending you don't know about. How do you think she would feel if she knew you had already seen them all? Why is it your right to have access to them?
How long have you known her? Have you been on any dates? Are you thinking of dating her?
She may feel that the instagram is personal. She may not want to add you because she knows you will snoop and stalk looking at all the photos. She may not be ready to open up her personal life to that extent to someone she barely knows.
Once added, if you and her don't get on, decide not to go out, have a one night stand... what then? Suddenly there is a lot of emotional baggage tied to a stupid social media account. Does she delete you from her friends list, leave you and ignore you.... things could easily get messy. Similar to the Facebook "in a relationship with..." status, which inevitably end up, with suddenly no longer being in a relationship with, all in public.
What happened to privacy? Is she not allowed to make choices about who she adds as a friend? Perhaps she just wants to get to know you more. IF and when she wants to add you, she will. But it is her choice.
The fact you would walk away from someone for this, suggests that you really have no interest in getting to know *her*.... rather that it is about collecting friends on social media.
We live in a world now, where there are sexual predators, and criminals around every corner. You just don't know if people are who they really say they are.
At the end of the day.... it is only instagram.
Is it really the end of the world?
Get to know her away from the internet.
...............................
A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (3 October 2015):
 There could be many reasons - she's a liar, she doesn't feel comfortable enough to share instagram with you, etc etc. I would suggest to just let it go and ask again in a few months after you've known each other better. But if it really bothers you, then just be upfront and tell her you sync'd your phone and came across her Instagram.I can share my story with you - I met my current boyfriend in a chatroom. We started out chatted as a group with others but quickly we moved on to just chatting with each other. After about a month of chatting long hours each day, he still never told me his real name or what he does for work, even after I've asked multiple times. Yet he knows all about my info. So I decided I could not talk to someone day in and day out and not know anything about him. I cut all contact with him. That woke him up. He messaged and messaged apologizing. We talked again and he started opening up to me. I realized that it wasn't only with me, but he is a very discreet person to others as well. Sometimes he would lie to people he is not close to just so that he doesn't have to elaborate or give details.Well, we've been together for two years now and our relationship is very solid and he tells me anything and everything I want to know. It did take him a while to open up though.Maybe give her a little time... Good Luck!!
...............................
|
