A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a few concerns about my current situation. To begin, I was having low back pain for about 5 months and I finally decided to go to the doctor to try to get it checked and maybe some relief medication. While I was there my PCP also did a physical exam and pap smear and said "perhaps an STD/STI was causing my back pain" since there were no real issues that came up during my xray, mri, or ct scan. So he ordered me to get some blood drawn at the lab and that they would contact me about my results in a few days. Two days later they called me and told me the news, I have both HSV 1 and 2. They said that I should come in for a consultation and to get a prescription of aclyorvir and I did but I was mortified about how I would tell my partner. We have been together for 3 years. Prior to dating this guy I tested myself various times on different occasions because I was cheated on during my last relationship and I was afraid that I had gotten something from my ex. So just to be sure, after our breakup I was single for a year and tested myself 4 times every 3 months just to be sure I was clean. And each time all my results were negative. So because of this I thought it was okay to start this new relationship. He assured me that this was his first relationship, ever. And I really believed him. We still used protection but there were times we didn't because I was on birth control and I really just thought that is was going to be long term since we've been together this long. I have never been unfaithful during this entire relationship so it both scared me and disgusted me to even think he might have cheated on me or lied about his sex life. We currently hold a long distance relationship due to our career goals and educational plans so we're hardly intimate as it is so I went ahead and told him about my diagnosis and asked him to get himself tested just in case. At first he was really understanding and said I should re-test myself in case there was a chance of it being a false positive. A few weeks later he got the test and he said it was negative (yet he never actually showed me the results, I showed him both of mine). Mine still came up positive... so now he's leaning more towards breaking off the relationship because he says he never wants to get it and actually tells me he's afraid of kissing, touching, or even being around me. He keeps asking me if I cheated on him or did something that would explain how I got it and he doesn't have it but I know that I have not done anything that would ruin the relationship.Its now been a month since I was diagnosed and his words really have just left me hurt and bothered ever since. I think I should just be the one to break off the relationship since he seems to not have the heart, he says he would feel guilty doing it, but honestly I don't want him to be with me out of pity. I guess I just need reassurance that my feelings are right and that breaking up is not a bad idea. He doesn't seem to want to try or even become educated on the matter which only makes me feel more hopeless about the relationship... So should I leave?
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cheated on me, kissing, long distance, my ex, sex life, std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (18 June 2017):
I'm not an expert at all, I just read that herpes type 2 is transmitted only by sexual intercourse. But I'm pretty sure a person can be infected with herpes for years before showing any symptoms. You could have been infected by a previous partner and you get the symptoms now (years later). Not sure if your previous test could have been false negatives. But the point is your are infected now. He doesn't need to think you cheated on him.
About he wanting to break up. I understand that he's being stupid there. But about the sex (between you two). Would you have sex with him knowing you can infect him? I'm not sure if there is a safe method por herpes type 2.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 June 2017):
 YES! LEAVE! NOW!
I cannot believe you are even asking the question!
He does not even have the balls to break up with you so, instead, like the coward he is, is just distancing himself and making you feel guilty for having an illness, so YOU will do the breaking up for him. He can then tell people HE was dumped and get the sympathy vote. After all, how would it look if he dumped YOU because you got ill? Everyone would see him for the gutless selfish reptile he is and that would never do.
Your gut instinct tells you he may even be lying about his test results, otherwise why would he not show them to you? HE could have infected YOU but, in his selfishness and ignorance, is trying to put the blame on you to make himself look better.
Do yourself a favour and consign him to the rubbish bin of life where he belongs. He has already effectively ended your relationship. He is just waiting for YOU to realise and do the dirty work for him.
You deserve so much better.
HUGS.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 June 2017):
 He sounds really immature. You get sick and he doesn't want to touch you or kiss you? What a jerk. Sorry, I really do not approve of his behaviour or find it justifiable in any way. It's one thing to not want to enter a relationship with a person with an illness (never mind what kind of illness) but to say, midways through a serious and committed relationship, that you no longer want to kiss or touch your supposed loved one?
That's just cruel and immature and idiotic. What, he wants to never walk in public then too, perhaps, in case someone infects him with something? Or never have sex again, because he might get an STI?
He could have given it to you, you know, even if he was honest about his sex life. He could have gotten a kiss from a relative etc. Or you could have gotten a kiss on the lips from a relative or a friend. It infects not only through sex. And it is quite common. So it is always a good thing to ask a partner to get tested, before having unprotected sex with them (unprotected in the sense of no condom).
Im not sure if he's lying or not about his test results. I recommend you ask your doctor about this on your next visit. As about how you could have contracted it. If it is possible to carry for some time while still getting negative results. If it's possible that your boyfriend gave it to you even when he says his tests are negative.
Anyways, I think I too would break up with him. Not just because of this incident, but because his reaction shows his true colours. What partner can claim to be loving and supportive, and at the same time accuse you of cheating and then proceed to say they will not touch you? It speaks volumes of his character. How a couple faces challenges together is what determines whether they are going to carry on or end things. He is facing this challenge by accusing you and putting all responsibility on you and stepping away and not wanting to be near you. Even saying he would feel guilty breaking up, which essentially just means he wants to break up, but knows it's a douche bag thing to do. Doesn't change the fact that it's what he wants.
Yeah, there are more fish in the sea. And, you know what, don't have any regrets. You will get through this, and although it seems like a lot to carry right now, it will be easier in time. You will find out how to get through this. And you WILL find another man to love, trust me on that one. And next time, it'll be a man who knows what real love and support looks like.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (15 June 2017):
 he has gone sorry to say , he is just chatting with you at what he thinks is a safe distance , it is time to think about yourself , i know what it is like when your down and the people you thought were your friends run away , so much so i even dropped the word friend as it was not a nice time ,
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