A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:why do people behave so weirdly online vs in real life? i know i do it too, and i just want to know the reasons. i go to college with a guy i really like and who i think really likes me, we go out together all the time, and we make plans together and he says things to me that i dont think he would say if hed considered he would spend his future with anybody else, but none of this has been addressed or discussed explicitly. i think he's made a few freudian slips before - one time we went to nandos after being out and i was talking about how its said 'if you go on a date, look at how they treat the waiting staff and not you' and he said 'i think i ruined that by being accidentally rude to that waitress'. he wears clothes ive picked out and my friends say we are basically already married, and i just love spending time with him and he seems to feel the same. but online we behave so weird around each other and i cant figure out why. he, oddly, isn't very technology based, and doesnt take his phone with him everywhere he goes, and uses facebook messenger a lot more than text. sometimes i feel like i annoy him because i message a lot more than he does, and sometimes i get the feeling that he ignores my messages for a bit before replying. this shouldnt upset me because i do literally the exact same thing and i cant figure out why people just behave so oddly. do i just not want to appear too eager because i really do want to reply to him, or do i just want to prolong the conversation? I just dont understand why we behave so differently online. i think maybe i am trying not to get too attached because in september we both go to university, and i wonder if he is thinking the same.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 June 2017):
 Never trust online stuff If it's not face-to-face then assume it's BS.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 June 2017):
 I don't really think that your worry is about the online vs in person thing. I think you more want to know where you stand with this guy but you're too afraid to ask.
The last part of your post: 'should you reply fast or slow to not look keen' - Why dont you stop trying to play games and just ask what's going on between you guys?
Stop trying to work out what he means by way he says and just ASK what he means, find out what's going on between you. Communicate with HIM.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2017): Edit: Actors tell you, doing live-performances vs in-front of a camera, is totally difference.
Correction: "Actors tell you, doing live-performances vs in-front of a camera, is totally different."
Sorry about typos! I'm a little distracted. Someone is trying to talk to me while I'm writing this.
Go figure!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2017): Hello! There is a big difference in being a person, and an "entity" or "prop/persona" messaging back to someone on a device. It's cold and impersonal. Detached!
People have five senses. We use these senses to connect and bond with other people.
On a device, you're nothing but an image. You can read me better when you can see my eyes, facial-expression, and read my body-language. Human to human, we behave differently in each others presence. He can actually see and read your personality. You can't do that on a device.
Everyone acts/behaves differently when you aim a camera at them. They become unnatural and start to be more mechanical.
Their movements become stiff, they become ultra-self-conscious.
Actors tell you, doing live-performances vs in-front of a camera, is totally difference. Why? Because of that human element. Actually having to connect with their audience, and they can't hide their flaws or mistakes. Feeling their presence and eyes upon them. Actually sensing that they are in the same place together.
We also get "artificial-nerve;" and will say things online we can't sometimes say to each others faces. Because we are avoiding confrontation and a "biologically-human" response.
It's easier to deal with an angry emoji than a frowning-face with blood-shot eyes glaring and fuming with anger! Its easier to type a string of hearts; rather than look someone in the eyes and say "I love you!" Some stupid people even breakup in a text message! Big cowards!!! Dorks!!! Thank God that hasn't happened to me! Not yet, anyway!
He doesn't necessarily have to be less technologically-adept than you; because he prefers a more personal approach.
Reading your post was like a long text message. All the "I's" are in small-case. It was hard to read without punctuation. When he sees you face to face; he can actually talk to you and connect with you. While you express yourself using your voice and language-skills.
He can actually read your emotions by watching you in real-time. Therefore; his human-reactions and responses differ from how he expresses himself in a thread of messages, that are words without any feeling.
He's different when around you; because what you see is "who he really is." Not just an image, digitally-created caricature, projection, or an illustration. There is nothing to buffer or filter his true-nature and personality.
What you see, is actually what you get!
Messaging 24/7 is annoying and monotonous to people who prefer one-on-one human-contact.
That's probably all he wants from you. Not a blitz of messages that he can hardly tell what you're feeling. It makes it harder for him to tell how much he really likes you; because, as you said: "why do people behave so weirdly online vs in real life?"
He feels exactly the same. Give him more personal-interaction, spend more time together.
PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN OR TURN IT OFF!!! It's rude texting and looking at your phone when you're with someone. It tells them you have no respect for them, and your mind is somewhere else. Then you should be somewhere else!
Give him more of you and less of your messaging! Then see what happens!
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