A
male
age
41-50,
*attJimm
writes:Recently diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder, now my wife is saying she doesn't have feeling for me anymore.Lets start at the beginning first of all. I've been with my wife for just over 4 years now and married for the past 9mos. When I met her, I told her flat out that I thought I might have something wrong with my head; I'd get depressed for seemingly no reason every once in awhile and then be fine for 3-4 months.See decided to love me anyways.When I'd get depressed, as much as I wanted to pull myself out of it, I couldn't for some reason. I know and regret that when I was in these cycles I could very easily become irritated and paranoid , I would say and sometimes do things that would hurt her emotionally and end up thinking that I didn't trust her. I couldn't control it though...like I was looking out through somebody else's eyes.This went on for our entire relationship, every 3-4 months it would pop back up, she'd give me some space until I came back up and then we would forget about it. Obviously, we both should have gotten me help earlier instead of thinking that it would get better on it's own. But this entire time, I thought that she was dealing with it and was fine accepting me for who I was.Last May, it hit again...hard. If you don't know much about Bipolorism, basically if you do nothing about it, it gets progressively worse. She ended up wanting to get out of the house for space, and I felt like she was abandoning me for her friends. I ended up cutting myself alone in the apartment.She came back that night but after that, nothing was the same.I ended up taking myself to the psychiatric hospital where I was finally diagnosed with Bipolarism. I finally had a name for this and a plan on how to control it with meds and therapy. I felt that I could control it for once in my life. I was hoping that my wife would be glad that something was finally being done about it with me...unfortunatly that wasn't the case.She then told me that something had snapped inside of her. That all these years she had been keeping everything inside not knowing that all this had been bothering her...she told me that love blinded her and she didn't see it for what it was.Then she tells me that she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore and doesn't know if we'll ever get back to where we were. Doesn't believe that I can and will ever get better and that nothing is ever going to change.She began hanging out with her friends more while ignoring me. I felt and still feel abandoned. Right when I need her the most to help me work this monster out of my head...she leaves me supportless.This has been going on for nearly two months now. I'm still on the meds and have been feeling better...but I still stumbled along the way.She's also telling me that she hasn't left me yet because she still cares about me and loves me, just not in the same way. Like when she looks at me all she can see is the disease and not the man that I am, fighting for control of my life again.I don't know what to do. She wants to see a change or she says that she can't deal with it anymore and will seek a divorce. I just don't understand how you can love someone so much, and then discard it all in an instant.One of the problems is that she tells me that she doesn't see any change in me, but it's only been a little over a month. Statistically it can take up to 6 months to a year to finally reach the point where you are completely stable. I've told her this but still, she says she can't love me.I feel shattered inside and heartbroken.What do I do?P.S. Sorry for the novel, it'll be coming in paperback Spring 2008
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Hi
My Names David
I'M 45 bi polar. Youre new bride is your illness, try dealing with that first, maybe your wife can become your mistress.
Good Luck David
A
male
reader, MattJimm +, writes (9 July 2007):
MattJimm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the comments.
A few of you mentioned doing something to show her that I love her; unfortunately, been there, done that.
One of the first things I did for her before we were even going out was anonymously leave a long stem rose on her windshield at work. Little notes in her lunch box now and again. A few weeks ago I did the same and found the rose in the trash can. Was a real pick me up.
I've also asked her, politely, if she would be willing to go to a therapist with me and learn about the disease...she has no desire to learn anything and is content not feeling anything for me.
I'm ready to throw in the towel on this one.
You could also read my other post with an update I'm going to be doing in about a minute as well...came across some disturbing stuff.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-is-behaving-strangely;-could-she-be.html
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A
male
reader, MattJimm +, writes (9 July 2007):
MattJimm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the comments.A few of you mentioned doing something to show her that I love her; unfortunately, been there, done that.One of the first things I did for her before we were even going out was anonymously leave a long stem rose on her windshield at work. Little notes in her lunch box now and again. A few weeks ago I did the same and found the rose in the trash can. Was a real pick me up.I've also asked her, politely, if she would be willing to go to a therapist with me and learn about the disease...she has no desire to learn anything and is content not feeling anything for me.I'm ready to throw in the towel on this one.You could also read my other post with an update I'm going to be doing in about a minute as well...came across some disturbing stuff.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-is-behaving-strangely;-could-she-be.html
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): I'm so sorry about your recent diagnostic, but it's better that you know what was bothering you so you would know what to expect and what to do about it. I understand that you should be suffering the lack of support from your wife, but I believe that somewhere along those almost five years you've been together the situation turned out to be a heavy load for her to bear with. I believe she is deeply hurt and I think that you should apologize to her. Apologize in a sincere different way. I don't know buy her flowers, candy have nice gestures with her. It doesn't matter your disease or the love you have for each other. She is hurt and you are the only one (besides God) that can help her heal. Remember that us women expect great things about a marriage. As crazy as it may sound we dream about the perfect husband in the perfect house and about being the perfect wife. Maybe she thought things would get better when you two get married and she is frustrated that it didn't. It only got worst. Remember that you also went to the doctor when your emotional state was too idficult for you to deal with. If it was like that for you it's only logical she was fed up with it too. This is affecting both. You can take control about your condition learning about it. Keep up with the medication and therapy but I strongly suggest trying the alternative medicine also. Go to Google and learn about different alternatives for your disease. Look for foods to avoid. I have a bachelor's and master's in psychology and also suffer from Atention Deficit Disorder and from Anxiety Disorder but I decided to learn about it. I'm currently on medication to prevent panic attacks and a natural remedy for mental focus and I'm doing great. No doctor will prescribe natural remedies. Almost no doctor will tell you how the foods that you are eating right now that are affecting your behavior. They are taught to prescribe and prescribe medications, it's a bussiness between them and the pharmaceuticals. I always suggest to people the supplement "Becalm'd". It's a natural supplement you can get online. You can buy it cheaper at Ebay. I found it four years ago and it has been a blessing. It works with every emotional condition. It's the right mixture of vitamins and aminoacids that help balance the chemicals in your brain. Just what lithium is supposed to do. I beleive it could help you get better faster. Just for the record, I don't work for them and I don't sell it. Getting into a Bible based church will help you also a lot as well as reading a good Bible. Specially the Psalms. I found this for you:http://www.truehealth.org/break02.htmlTake Care. I hope you are feeling better soon.
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A
female
reader, SleepingChrissie +, writes (8 July 2007):
 To me it sounds like you only want to change for her; I think that you should really do this for you. Taking the meds and therapy will pay off. At times, all people feel alone. You have to work through it, perhaps you should take up a hobby. What are your interest and what are her interest? Have you tried to do things with her to show her how much she means to you? Try something you guys haven't done, yet. However, this has to be a two way street. She should really be showing you some compassion. Remember, all relationships go through bad patches and they all have good patches as well. It may be a good idea to reestablish your relationship and boundaries.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): I would try not to worry too much, don't get bogged down by negative thinking as it will make everything worse. Everytime you start getting negative, reach for a positive thought, any thought MORE positive, aim to make yourself feel even a tiny bit of relief through your throughts. You can build yourself back up again. She may see your disease as a weakness in you, and although she loves you still, doesn't understand how it will effect your relationship. Be as strong as you can until the medication really kicks in, then show her that you are still YOU, that you are strong, you can be strong for her. I think that once you are level, stable and no longer 'down' every few months, she will begin to trust your relationship again and you can build it back up. This is something like having children - a test on your relationship. Once you get through everything will be even better than it was before. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (8 July 2007):
 Wow, I am very sorry to hear how she is treating you. First off, remind her of the vows she took when she married you. Those should have included something along the lines "in sickness and health". No one fore saw that this would arise and when you get married you have no idea what is down the road but you are in it for the long haul. For her to withdraw her love and want a divorce is a selfish thing! If the tables were turned I assume that you would stick by her no matter what illness, complication or whatever came across the table. I say you fight to make this work. Tell her that you two can find a group to attend or seek out counseling TOGETHER. Also, make her very aware of all the things she will lose if divorced. The house you live in, any cars in both your names, that financial buoy... gone because she feels she cant handle this going on with her husband. Really lay it out to her plain and if she still wants to go her way, let her go. You never know, God is more than able to send you someone who has a beautiful heart and help you through these difficult times and be there for you.
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