A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's been a year and a half since I last dated, and would like to date again. I'm looking for a long-term serious relationship but I don't know where to look. I want someone a bit older and more experienced so college isn't the ideal place to look. I've tried online dating websites but the process seems slow. I want to meet someone in person. However, where can I look? I'm a college student and waitress, thus my schedule isn't ideal for meeting people. I'm not the type to scope around and directly approach someone I'm interested in. Where can I meet a nice guy looking for the same? Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2013):
 It's really difficult to tell you how to meet a guy when you say you don't have time to meet one and to top it off you don't even want to directly approach someone if you happen to actually meet them.
So it seems, you need to stop putting on the act of being the one who is hunted down. You need to hunt down a man yourself, and you actually need to approach the guy. I mean, it hasn't worked out for you to wait until some guy approach you. So you KNOW that doesn't work.
You meet guys everywhere. At work. At college. There are older guys at college too. Older men enter your restaurant (or wherever you work). Haven't you ever been picked up at work? I have, tons of times. I've gotten picked up by a guy sitting next to me on an airplane even, as clishè as it might sound (he even started with the "business or travel?" line).
My point is: you meet guys everywhere. Older, younger, same age, different sorts of people. They ARE everywhere, but you're being pessimistic about saying they're not where you are.
My friend had been single for two years, was out a lot dancing, clubbing, doing activities, didn't find a guy. Why? Because she was like you, didn't take direct approach. She wanted the guy to do all the work, and she had an insane list of criteria for the guy. No one was good enough. But then she got tired of waiting around, and told me to help her out. I took her to a party with random people I had just recently met. I asked her to point out a man in the room that she liked, and I put her down next to him and asked them to talk. And that's how simple it can be.
First guy though, he wasn't the right one. After a date, they didn't speak again. So I brought her to another party just a few weeks later. This time I pointed out a guy I liked, asked her what she thought, and he just barely passed her needle eye.. I actually had to tell her to give him a chance because she is so picky. Then I just put them together again, asked him to contact her and ask her out. Simple. Easy. They've now been together for two years and plan to get married.
My point is, it really isn't that difficult. You're making git harder than it is. But you absolutely NEED to take the direct approach now and then. You need to go after what you want and make it clear you like a guy (or at least make it clear you'd like to get to know him). Don't be picky, just go out on a lot of dates with different guys. They might surprise you. So don't be too picky, in most cases we don't know who's our best match until we've met them.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (14 May 2013):
 Unless you stop subscribing to antiquated ideals that you shouldn't directly approach a man you're interested in, you won't meet as many men that are your type.
You should see men everywhere, but if you're looking specifically for an older gentleman, try your local golf course. Lessons can be fun and relatively inexpensive and it's a good way to meet guys.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 May 2013):
 I'd stop with all these silly ideas of age and experience, and just think about meeting a PERSON, not a number. Age is often irrelevant, I'm sure there are plenty of guys in your college who are maybe the same age or only a couple of years older and they will be looking for a relationship, however you would rule them out because they are not old enough which is just silly and immature to be honest.
Ok so a guy loads younger is not an option, again neither is a guy much more than 7 or 8 years older than you. But within reason you shouldnt be too worried about age, it doesnt dictate how happy you are going to be in a relationship.
As for how to meet people - start will college first and give the guys around you a chance. Talk to cute guys in the library, if you see someone you like in the coffee shop talk to them, sit next to someone you like in class....all the usual things. To broaden the pool of guys you meet pick up some new hobbies where you are likely to meet guys you have something in common with. If you like running, join a running club. If you like reading, join a book club. There should be lots of socities at college as well, so that's another route to go down.
Clubs and bars are the typical way to meet guys - a lot of guys in clubs/bars will be looking to meet women so head out on a weekend with some girl friends and see who you meet. You dont have to approach the guy first, just make eye contact with someone you like, smile at him and see if he approaches. If he doesnt, he's not interested. Keep repeating the process until someone does approach you.
I dont know why you are all of a sudden in such a rush to meet someone - yes online dating is a little slower than meeting a guy in a bar but it often gives you a better chance of finding someone who wants a relationship rather than a casual fling. Online dating allows you to talk to someone before you meet, making sure you have lots in common and want the same thing before you go on a date - it saves a lot of time in the long run because you are not meeting guys that are not suitable for you.
I think if you are short on free time to go out and meet guys, and dont like approaching men, then online dating is definitely your best option and you just need to learn to be patient.
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A
male
reader, Mwaih  +, writes (14 May 2013):
 I dot really know what to say to you. Am a guy also looking for serious relationship, a university student though and maybe younger than you are. I'd tell you to pray God and you might get the right one for you, good luck.
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